DISCUSSION -- April 2015 300-word Writing Challenge (#17)

[Cat's Cradle]

Thanks TJ! And You're welcome, marmalade! I thought your story was terrific!

Loads of good stories this challenge, and a very competitive race. A terrific event, once again! Next one in 1.5 months!

 

[Ashleyne]

A massive CONGATULATIONS, JULIANA!!!

 

[Ursa major]

At the risk of contradicting someone who voted for my story, I see it as less a of fantasy, and more of a post-apocalyptic, tale. Sadly, religious intolerance, of various stripes, is far from being a fantasy (and is not fantastic at all ), and burning water is better known as petrol/gas/kerosene/paraffin/etc. The only fantasy element might be the slow deterioration of the old, abandoned plane, but in a version of the story to confined to 300 words, it might have mentioned that it was set in a location were such deterioration is far slower, such as semi-desert** conditions.

As for my inspiration (other than the image itself), I was reminded of cargo cults, and simply (and partly) replaced the materialism apparently inherent in those cults with a "purer" religious fervour, and the worship of the cargo-bringers with the (non-working) plane itself. Well, it made sense to me....


** - Having once been, on holiday, to the Middle East -- a tour through Jordan, Israel and Egypt -- it struck me as obvious that these places would develop strong religious traditions. Seeing how quickly -- in a matter of a few metres -- the fertility of the Nile flood plain (as was), is replaced by barren desert made it easy to imagine how dichotomies such as good/bad, righteous/evil and holy/unholy might arise quite naturally.

 

[Remedy]

Congratulations, Juliana! Excellent tale - based on a true story makes for wonderful inspiration.

I opted for a modern David & Goliath, except my David dies and becomes a symbol and Goliath was a faceless government. I don't think I veiled it too thickly. Thanks to all who mentioned it and my two voters, Glen and Rafellin - much appreciated.

At the risk of contradicting someone who voted for my story, I see it as less a of fantasy, and more of a post-apocalyptic, tale.

*looks sheepish* (my definitions of fantasy, sci-fi and spec-fic all tend to blur and muddle - I think I made that mistake on a few) I do love your story though, Ursa! I really liked the renaming of the plane and petrol.

 

[Ursa major]

Thanks.

To be fair, I suppose one could argue that some post-apocalypse stories are a tad more fantasy than science fiction. And as my story had pre-apocalypse knowledge available, albeit to a tiny number of people, whereas others didn't even know that there had been an apocalypse (and were thus unaware of a pre-apocalypse), the degree of suspension of disbelief required was perhaps more typical of a fantasy than anything set more solidly in the world as it is.

 

[Perpetual Man]

I don’t do this very often but I had to cut so much out from my challenge that I thought I’d slip in a bit of background and maybe a story or two.

We used to go and watch the Jerry play football Sundays. Jerry is, of course, one of the nicknames given to the Germans during World War II. In our village if you know where to look you can find the concrete foundations of what were once prisoner of war huts. My older aunts and uncles say they can remember going over there and looking at them through the fence and even talking to them.

They were the enemy, but they didn’t look like it. Little more than teenagers. During the late 70’s and early 80’s there was a Bread Man that delivered such things around the houses. His name was Gerry Beck and was a great laugh encouraging us kids to always ask for sweets and cakes much to our parents good natured annoyance. He was also quite strict about it. If he was told we had been naughty he would just say no! His real name was Hermann Beeck, so Hermann the German. Caught up in the Nazi war machine, spat out to kill or be killed. At the great age of 17 Gerry was caught up in the Nazi War machine, being pulled in by propaganda and the promise of money and girls. On his first mission his plane was shot down and he was taken prisoner of war and ended up in the prison camp in our village. After a few months they were glad to be here. They slept in huts, bunking together, but they lived as well as the rest of us and were not risking their lives. They worked the farms in place of our lads who were off fighting. Ironically they helped keep our country going. All this is true. In the case of Gerry he was offered the chance to get out and do something or sit in the camp until the end of the war. He decided he would help and ended up working on the local farms. From what was said about him he worked his fingers to the bone and was accepted into the community as much as a prisoner of war could be.

Those Germans though, they loved their soccer. They got permission to clear some wasteland, pulled roots and weeds, flattened it, marked it, even built posts and nets. So we locals went to watch them play. Not exactly true but they tended and kept the one that was there as fresh as they could.

Until the night that the plane carrying Pete’s brother didn’t come back. He turned up during the match, hobbling on his gimpy leg, his father’s service revolver clutched in one hand. I really wanted to explain that Pete had not gone to war because of a disability, but just could not squeeze it. I guessed the Chrons lot would be clever enough to work that out just by the reference to the leg.

BANG! Six shots. Six dead. Blood soaking into the grass. I originally wanted there to be more shots and a shotgun, but I just did not have the space.

No one said a word or did anything. It was a bad business, but understandable. That’s what we agreed.

48 hours later it got worse. Seems the plane landed safely elsewhere. Shot up like heck, the crew alive.

Strange though, that football field? Even after them Jerry’s were long gone. Untended. That grass was always cut to perfect length, pure fresh green. Lines straight, posts and crossbars brilliant white, nets hung and waiting. Nary a leaf dared mar it. But on the same day, every year that verdant grass turned blood red and the image of a bomber floated there, an accusing mirage that told of injustice and death.

So there you go, best pitch in the country and just like the falling leaves, not one of us dared despoil it.

Initially there was a lot more supernatural stuff involved but I just could not get it all in.

Incidentally after the war any PoW’s who were felt to have genuinely help the War Effort were invited to stay in the country. They were given six weeks to make up their minds in which time they were allowed to go home, see family and friends.

Gerry went home and his only comment was that ‘There was nothing left. It was all gone. Home, family and friends vanished as if they never were.’

Thinking of a young English girl and the life he might have there was not a choice and he came back to our little village where he married Pat, had kids and lived a good life. He faced a little animosity from those who actually fought in the war but was ultimately accepted into the community.

In the end it seems the Nazi war effort did live up to one promise: he got his girl.

Gerry was really funny, with a kind of offbeat humour. When I went to see him two years ago to help him and Pat arrange a Funeral plan he made me laugh more than he should have considering what we were doing. The serious way he told me that there was something he wanted to get out of the way before we started because he did not want it to be an issue, was almost intimidating, then he broke into a grin and said, "I know I lost the war."

He and Pat bickered all the time, but in a loving kind of way, and when they started crossing words about what floral display they would have on the coffin - would it be a cross, double ended spray a simple bunch - ended with the classic line, "I don't care what I have on the coffin, just as long as it's not a (expletive) swastika!"

He also told me how much I looked like my paternal grandfather - something that no one has said before as there are not that many people alive who remember him, he died years before I was born, normally people seem to think I look more like my maternal side. He also said how my grandfather was one of the few people who accepted him into the community at once and supported him in those early days.

Gerry died on New Year's Eve last year, but it's funny to think he is more fondly remembered by the locals than a lot of the old men who grew up there.

Finally! quick thank you to Phyrebrat for the picture in the first place. This was the second attempt at a story for me, the first being far too long to get cut down. I have continued to play with it though and it is currently up to about 14,000 words Ironically it does look like the plane will be cut out...

 

[Juliana]

@Perpetual Man That's the most amazing background story! I 'got' your entry perfectly, no problems in understanding it, but having a chance to see the expanded story behind it is lovely. Thanks for sharing.

 

[ratsy]

Congrats Juliana! I loved your entry.

Moonbat, yours was hilarious. It made me laugh the whole way through and that's why it got my vote.

Perp, thats quite the back story. You put a lot of effort and thought into it. Well done dude.

My story was just an exercise in trying to do something voicey. I made the guy, just a selfish, regular guy who is about to die in a crash. Nothing likeable about him. Then I threw a zinger, giving him hope that angels came to take him away, and when he walked to them, their true demon self's showed through. He was going to hell for murdering someone.

I'm really glad Phyre voted for it! When I finished the story and posted, I actually hoped it was something he would like and that was important to me because it was his picture we used for inspiration.

Thanks for the mentions I got, and the two votes. One day I'll get the hang of this thing!

Well done everyone and to the contenders, of whom there were a few.

 

[Luiglin]

When I looked at the picture it seemed like it was taken from someone lurking in the bushes and I went from there. Having re-read it there is some horrible clunky text. I really need to work on these at home rather than via my phone on lunchtime at work

 

[Phyrebrat]

Congratulations Juliana! I am going to change my name to Winmaker Surely I should get a prize for constantly voting for the winners? Red Bounty, cough, cough....

I'm so glad to hear that there was a real-world background to your heartbreaking tale. I loved the tone and resolve.

ratsy, you know you're onto a winner with me if you write something darkly moralistic; part Aesop, part Roald Dahl, part Stephen King

Thanks TDZ, TJ and crystal haven for the mentions, too! And...

...
Phyrebrat -- The Herald
...
TJ -- Tempus Fugit

Hey, TJ, you and I placed together again - is it just my imagination or do we keep doing this?

We're not the same person, honest, and it's possible there was a time in the early 90s when we were in the same place at the same time (Southampton Combined Court Centre) so we could prove it!

So, I didn't want to post these pictures whilst the challenge was going on but here are the rest from the airport. There were some huts with weird target practice cut outs, and a derelict plantation that I just adored for it's haunted-y-ness.

pH

 

[willwallace]

I felt that there was something watching the plane sitting there, and it led to my idea of an ancient presence fading away over time. Thanks to Jastius for considering it good enough to rate a vote

 

[Phyrebrat]

 

[Cascade]

Congratulations Juliana a great win, well deserved.

Thanks to everyone who mentioned my story and especially to Perp, Alchemist and Holland for the votes. I have been adopting the 'like' rather than thank route recently so please don't think your comments went unnoticed or unappreciated.

My story had a few antecedents

Obviously 'lord of the flys' was an influence, I toyed with calling it 'lord of the flyers' for about 30 seconds before deciding that was a very silly idea.

The tone and a lot of the idea however came from a story I wrote some time ago (which is sitting in the bottom of a drawer somewhere). I had read a story/ urban legend about a school bus full of primary school children that had stalled on a level crossing and been smashed into by a train killing everyone except the driver. The legend has it that if you happen to park on the level crossing the ghost of the children will come and push your car to safety. So I wrote a story from the perspective of one of the children/ghosts, who doesn't know she is a ghost, but knows that her sandwiches are squashed and her leg hurts, and teenagers keep coming and parking on the tracks, and it is important that they push them off the tracks but she doesn't really know why.

In this story, I don't yet think the children are dead, the disappearance of people when they turn 8 suggests something else is happening, but I don't know what.

 

[LittleStar]

Congrats Juliana. A really brilliant story, and well deserved win.
Especially well done, in such a tough field. Not sure about the other months, I havent checked, but every story had at least 1 vote this time around.
So well done and good work everyone else too

 

[mosaix]

Congratulations, Juliana!!

Thanks for the mentions / short lists to Cascade, LittleStar, Starbeast, Holland, Juliana, Phyrebrat, Bowler1, Crystal Haven and TJ.

A special thanks to Moonbat, UM, ratsy, TDZ, alc, willwallace, Tywin and johnnyjet for the votes.

 

[crystal haven]

Congratulations, Juliana! Well done!

And thank you, ratsy for the mention.
And a big thank you to jotun913 for the stealth vote. It was a lovely surprise.

 

[jastius]

Congratulations Juliana!!!
Your story was hauntingly. evocative. Very well done! Juliana your story was beautiful. It had me crying for that lost little girl, as it reminded me of the child in the plane crash story.

My shortlist .... Cascade ... Ratsy ... Parson, .. Mosaix.. Titanium ti... Victoria... Tywin ... Perpetual man ... Little star... Telford...
Moonbat... Juliana ... Johnny jet... Kerrybuchanon... Holland ... Remedy...

Second place .... Luiglin ... Karn ...Starbeast

Votes.... Alchemist... Chrispy ... Will Wallace

Once again thank you for the lovely reviews , Victoria, Perp, Remedy, Star beast, and Ashley..

Thank you for the mentions, Starbeast and Venusian Broom!
Thank you for the shortlistings, Cats Cradle, Little Star, Ashleyne B. Watts, Chrispenycate, añd Juliana!
Thank you for the long listing Alchemist, and thank you for the second place, Remedy!

And an especial thanks to kerry, DEO, Karn, DG Jones, Jennifer L Carson and Bowler, for the votes!
(And yes, Bowler, I wanted to put those goats in the story even if I had to steal Heidi from the Swiss Alps as a vehicle!)

The inspiration for my story was twofold. First was the brilliant David Rich's story from The NewYorker magazine, I Love Girl.
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/simon-richs-i-love-girl

The second and more important was Patricia McGerr's short story, "Johnny Lingo and the Eight Cow Wife" from Readers Digest, and Woman's Day. (That I recalled from its adaptation into a film that we were shown at school one rainy day in fifth grade, in lieu of recess)

http://www.ultimatehusband.com/8cow_wife.htm


Perpetual Man, i loved hearing Gerry's story. He sounds like a great friend to have had.

 

[Bowler1]

Congratulations Juliana, I'm pleased for you buddy.

Right then, anyone for goat curry, anyone... anyone, while looking at Jastius!

 

[Droflet]

Thanks for the short listing, Jastius.

 

[Starbeast]

Congratulations, Juliana!!

Thanks for the mentions / short lists to Cascade, LittleStar, Starbeast, Holland, Juliana, Phyrebrat, Bowler1, Crystal Haven and TJ.

You're very welcome Mosaix. Keep up the awsomeness.

Congratulations Juliana!!!
Your story was hauntingly. evocative. Very well done! Juliana your story was beautiful. It had me crying for that lost little girl, as it reminded me of the child in the plane crash story.

Second place .... Luiglin ... Karn ...Starbeast

Once again thank you for the lovely reviews , Victoria, Perp, Remedy, Star beast, and Ashley..

Thank you for the mentions, Starbeast and Venusian Broom!

You're double-ly welcome for the review and mention, Jastius. And I am honored that you placed me on your Second Place list. You made my night.