Fleet of Foot
A Seaton 'Scout' class light cruiser emerged from the shadow of Asteroid 281, completing her swing-by. As the sunlight lazily fell across her prow, the lettering of her name could be read; S.D.F. Destroyer. A simple name, full of intent, but as the Es’ston High Energy Lasers (HELs) speared through the dark expanse to greet her, she gave no reply. I still think " greet" is too friendly a word, perhaps "intercept" or simply "towards". (Minor quibble, I know.)
It was evident that she was badly damaged, like a punch drunk boxer; she had no fight left in her. Liquid oxygen and fuel flowed out in her wake, her hull pierced in many vital places. The two forward gun-ports gaped open but her main plasma cannons remained mute. Her skin was blotched where her anti-fighter plasma-gun turrets had been blasted or gouged out by HEL fire and rail-gun shot.
The only working armament that remained was her crew. Repair bots, maintenance platforms and the occasional engineer dressed in full EVA suit flurried across the stricken ship’s hull. Furiously they tried to staunch her wounds – but time was up.
I like the way you've introduced the human element in the paragraphs below.
In the relative safety of the Destroyer’s gimballed command deck, Captain Magen Agasan could almost believe that this wasn’t happening. At his order, all the alarms were silenced. Only the flashing warnings on the ship status display could remind him of the true state of affairs. The crew were tense, waiting in expectation to see how the battle had unfolded in the few moments respite they’d stolen. Solemnity reigned, almost like a funeral.
Magen sat in his chair, back from the holographic tactical display, his eyes closed and his hands together as if in prayer. He didn’t need the display; it was burned in his mind’s eye. Three Es’ston carriers, two Seaton scouts and the mining colony they defended below.
He was beginning to feel his meteoric rise to captaincy was too fast. The Es’ston commanders had completely outwitted them him, managing to lure the Destroyer his ship away from her sister ship the Unbreakable to fight three on one. These changes might help to show the link between his inexperience and his mistakes.
Telemetry and reports began to stream in from the Unbreakable and the mining colony, stirring the crew back into action.
“Captain?” Ogher coughed, to gain his attention, “Outpost 281 has surrendered. That means Unbreakable wasn’t able to hold the Es’ston landers back.”
Magen could sense the barely supressed triumphalism in his First Officer’s voice. Ogher knew this would be the case, as the senior tactical advisor, that was his job.The sentence before this is a run-on sentence. I think next sentence is not; however, "one" seems to be the subject of the sentence, and I would expect the descriptive phrases to describe the subject. But I'm not an expert on grammar, so check with someone who is. Dark, burly and gruff, his face hidden in a thick wiry black beard, at first glance one might have thought he was the captain. He was certainly more intimidating than the slight figure Magen cut.
“So we’ve lost – that doesn’t leave us with many options,” Magen mused ruefully. I agree that rueful musing seems a mild response to the circumstances. Perhaps use an action to show who is speaking. For example, ' "... options." Magen stabbed at the screen, plotting trajectories. '
“It doesn’t leave us with any options, Sir,” Ogher replied in his typical blunt manner.
He was almost insubordinate. They had a simple working relationship; Magen made the decisions, Ogher made it happen. Magen was not ready to give up easily, yet even now, the Destroyer was poised to make a run for it using the momentum they’d gathered from the sling shot. Ogher was hedging his bets.
“Comms? Put me through to Commander Mattias,” Magen ordered.
Mattias, master of the Unbreakable.He’d held the position only a few months, but he’d been in training much longer than Magen. The thing that distinguished Mattias, was his fondness for small furry animals. His familiar, Marvin, a malevolent ferret-like creature was could be seen perched on his shoulder as he appeared on the holographic display. It had to take some patience and time to teach these animals to adapt to zero gravity, never-mind training them not to bite.
“What’s your status?”
“Magen, we’ve had it,” the Unbreakable’s commanding officer stated resignedly. “We’ve lost steerage, and soon we’ll be boarded.”
“Is there nothing you can do? Do you need time to get your engines back online – could we tow you?” Magen was feeling desperate now. Would Magen even think he could tow the other craft, under the circumstances? BPerhaps an offer to evacuate the crew, or to distract the enemy, might seem more feasible.
There was no one else to help them in these outer reaches. So vast was the theatre of war across the shared solar system of the Seatons and Es’stons, the closest ship was months away.
“Our engines are trash, we can’t possibly re-take the outpost with the few marines we have between us. You won’t escape if you try to tow us,” Mattias hesitated, “I’m going to surrender before we lose any more lives…”
“What are you suggesting?” Magen demanded.
“Run – dammit! What else can you do? We’ve lost!”
“Mattias isn’t the only one who’s going to be boarded,” Ogher pointed out the incoming pods on the tactical display. “You’d better make a decision.”
“Just get out of here. You can outrun them…” Mattias waved his hand.
“Ok,” Magen held his eye, “But we’ll come back for you…”
“I doubt you’ll find us here,” Mattias scoffed bitterly, “We’ll see you at the war’s end. Out.”
Magen turned to his navigator, “Saar’ha – bring our engines to full power…”
“Where-to?” Saar’ha raised an eyebrow.
Magen gazed at the star map. One lonely sector on the outer rim beckoned and the pattern of numbers identifying it seemed to stick in his head. He selected it.
“We’ll turn about long before we reach it,” he explained to the doubtful and demoralized crew of the command deck.
“Okay,” Saar’ha keyed in the co-ordinates and set the course.
“Prepare for gravity to be restored,” the ship’s computer announced as they began to accelerate.
The Destroyer charged through the inbound ships, catching a few unfortunates in her plasma exhaust. Under full thrust, even with her crippled light gunnery, the Es’stons had little chance to engage, and then she was gone. Astonishingly, the Es’ston fighters and pods immediately turned about and flocked back to their carriers. Two of the carriers began repositioning and shortly their engines powered up and they gathered way. The Es’stons were going to give chase.
This unexpected move would leave a mere token force to consolidate their victory. Why had they worked so hard to catch the Destroyer alone? Why were they now chasing a useless, crippled ship? There could only be one answer; they were Seekers – seeking out the power of the Dragon Stone.
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Ok, folks, I hope there are improvements here. Some advice taken on board, some not (don't take it personally, I'm just pig headed). I will, time permitting, at least as an exercise and for the sake of comparison re-write as restricted third person and see how it fares.
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