Fleet of Foot (Rev 3)
A Seaton 'Scout' class light cruiser emerged from the shadow of Asteroid 281, completing her swing-by. As the sunlight lazily fell across her prow, the lettering of her name could be read; S.D.F. Destroyer. A simple name, full of intent, but as the Es’ston High Energy Lasers (HELs) speared through the dark expanse to greet her, she gave no reply.
Liquid oxygen and fuel gushed out in her wake – her hull pierced in many vital places. The two forward gun-ports gaped open but her main plasma cannons remained mute. Her skin was blotched where her anti-fighter plasma turrets had been blasted by HEL fire and rail-gun shot.
The only defence she had left, was her crew. There is no need for a comma in that sentence. If it sounds wrong without a comma, you could try, "Her only remaining defence was her crew." Repair bots, maintenance platforms and the occasional engineer dressed in full EVA suit flurried across the stricken ship’s hull. Furiously they tried to staunch her wounds – but time was up.
In the relative safety of the Destroyer’s gimballed command deck, Captain Magen Agasan could believe that this wasn’t happening. Could he truly believe it wasn't happening, or could he pretend? At his order, all the alarms were silenced. Only the flashing warnings on the ship status display could remind him of the true state of affairs. The crew were tense, waiting in expectation to see how the battle had unfolded in the few moments respite they’d stolen. Solemnity reigned.
Magen sat in his chair, back from the holographic tactical display, his eyes closed and his hands together as if in prayer. He didn’t need the display; it was burned in his mind’s eye. Three Es’ston carriers, two Seaton scouts and the mining colony they defended below.
He was beginning to feel his meteoric rise to captaincy had been too fast. The Es’ston commanders had completely outwitted him, managing to lure him away from their sister ship the Unbreakable to fight three on one. The sentence structure indicates that the Unbreakable is the Es'ston commanders' sister ship.
Telemetry and reports began to stream in from the Unbreakable and the mining colony, stirring the crew back into action.
“Captain?” Ogher coughed, to gain his attention, “Outpost 281 has surrendered. That means Unbreakable wasn’t able to hold the Es’ston landers back.”
Magen could sense the barely supressed triumphalism in his First Officer’s voice. Ogher knew that this would be the case. As the senior tactical advisor, that was his job. Dark, burly and gruff, his face hidden in a thick wiry black beard, at first glance one might have thought he was the captain. I'd still like to run that sentence past someone like Chrispenycate. He was certainly more intimidating than the slight figure Magen cut.
“So we’ve lost – that doesn’t leave us with many options,” Magen jabbed at his controls, flicking through the expected trajectories of the Es’ston ships on the main tactical display.
“It doesn’t leave us with any options, sir,” Ogher replied in his typical blunt manner, “They have captured the colony – we have failed to defend it.”
He often verged on insubordination,; they were good friends off bridge which gained him a bit too much leeway. Replace comma splice with semi-colon, "because" or new sentence. Their work relationship was simple; Magen made the decisions, Ogher made it happen. Magen was not ready to give up easily, yet even now, the Destroyer was poised to make a run for it using the momentum they’d gathered from the sling shot. Ogher was hedging his bets.
“Comms? Put me through to Commander Mattias,” Magen ordered.
Mattias, master of the Unbreakable. He’d held the position only a few months, but he’d been in training much longer than Magen. The thing that distinguished Mattias was his fondness for small furry animals. His familiar, Marvin, a malevolent ferret-like creature could be seen perched on his shoulder as he appeared on the holographic display. It had to take some patience and time to teach these animals to adapt to zero gravity, never-mind training them not to bite.
“What’s your status?”
“Magen, we’ve had it,” the Unbreakable’s commanding officer stated resignedly, “We’ve lost steerage, and soon we’ll be boarded.”
“Is there nothing you can do? Do you need time to get your engines back online – we could provide a distraction,” Magen fished for that spark of inspiration, running his hand through his hair over and over.
There was no one else to help them in these outer reaches. So vast was the theatre of war across the shared solar system of the Seatons and Es’stons, the closest ship was months away.
“Our engines are trash, we can’t possibly re-take the outpost with the few marines we have between us. You won’t escape if you hang about for us,” Mattias hesitated, “I’m going to surrender before we lose any more lives…”
“What are you suggesting?” Magen demanded.
“Run – dammit! What else can you do? We’ve lost!”
“Mattias isn’t the only one who’s going to be boarded,” Ogher pointed out the incoming pods on the tactical display. “You’d better make a decision.”
“Just get out of here. You can outrun them…” Mattias waved his hand.
“Ok,” Magen held his eye, “But we’ll come back for you…”
“I doubt you’ll find us here,” Mattias scoffed bitterly, “We’ll see you at the war’s end. Out.”
Magen turned to his navigator, “Saar’ha – bring our engines to full power…”
“Where-to?” Saar’ha raised an eyebrow.
Magen gazed at the star map. One lonely sector on the outer rim beckoned and the pattern of numbers identifying it seemed to stick in his head. He selected it.
“We’ll turn about long before we reach it,” he explained to ? reassured the doubtful and demoralized crew of the command deck.
“Yes sir,” Saar’ha keyed in the co-ordinates and set the course.
“Prepare for gravity to be restored,” the ship’s computer announced as they began to accelerate.
The Destroyer charged through the inbound ships, catching a few unfortunates in her plasma exhaust. Under full thrust, even with her crippled light gunnery, the Es’stons had little chance to engage, and then she was gone. This sentence needs rewriting. The Es'stons are the subject of the first clause, so the sentence indicates that they are under full thrust and have crippled light gunnery. Astonishingly, the Es’ston fighters and pods immediately turned about and flocked back to their carriers. The carriers themselves began repositioning and shortly their engines powered up and they gathered way. The Es’stons were going to give chase.
This unexpected move left a mere token force to consolidate their victory. Why had they worked so hard to lure the Destroyer? Why were they now chasing a useless, crippled ship? There could only be one answer, they were Seekers – seeking out the power of the Dragon Stone.
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Minor tweaks only in this version.
