DISCUSSION -- July 2015 300-word Writing Challenge (#18)

My votes go to
Mad Alice for a really creepy story with a classic ending

TDZ for a piece of hope in the midst of all the gloom

The Judge for the ultimate tale of cosmetic surgery gone too far.

Very nearly voted for Cat’s Cradle (for the style), Juliana( for the description of the metamorphosis), Alchemist (the cat in the hat and the jabberwock, all in one), Remedy (for the conclusion)

Also special mentions for Tim James, Moonbat, Ursa, Jo and Mosaix.
Plus I could add lots more that I really enjoyed, but its getting too long.
 
I didn't manage to produce a story for this round, but I'm enjoying reading them all! My goodness gracious me, what a collection of talent we have here on the Chrons. I've been squinting at them for days and agonizing how to pare down my list of many YES!!(es) to just Yes Yes Yes. It's interesting how so many of them saw the image as bleak and post-armageddon like.
 
Wotcha folks. Some cracking stories have been entered this month. Here is a rundown of the ones that really caught my eye and who got my votes. IT's amazing the scope and breadth one can capture when the word count is expanded to 300 - some of these really got me thinking.

Cat's Cradle - like ordering a pint of bitter and getting a lovely warm hug from a Thesaurus thrown in for free. There's a country pub just outside Galleymoor where a Pan-like creature drinks the local mild and pesters guests with his Marxist theories. I once saw him get into a punch-up with Sir Karl Popper, who'd been on the Khoosh (ask your Grandad). Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!

Alchemist - festooned with more than a touch of the Lewis Carrolls, this one, binding the lighthearted and nonsensical with the sinister, and just the merest drop of truth. I wonder what the old man's stick is made out of? Also gains extra points for rhyming "magoo" with "magoo". Magoo!

Victoria Silverwolf - a first reading might make it look like Victoria's plumbing new depths here, but even in the filthy, dark places of the world, there's room for the legendary. There's something fitting about this mundane hero, forever at the beck and call of the powerful, deciding to jack it all in to live on his own terms - and, spookily, with his own people... there's romance in the filth.

Remedy - there's a strong and delightful flavour of E.T running through this gentle, human tale showing magic - or power - being wielded in a more subtle manner, to create joy, and balance. Charlie, like E.T, plays the role of the vanishing mediator (also, come to think of it, like that one played by Leo DiCaprio in Titanic); revealing himself as a fantastical antidote to the cruel, the stifling, the mundane and - most crucially - Order - before vanishing after changing the life of the protagonist (Remedy's narrator, Elliott, or Kate Winslet in Titanic*) for the better. But Order doesn't cede to chaos and difference so easily (see Venusian Broon's story, below), and just like E.T, just like Leo, Charlie is apprehended by the Authorities before the story is out. Charlie's power isn't so much about controlling metal, like a grade-school Magneto; his real power lies in the ability to disrupt, to empower, and to enact change.

Phyrebrat - superficially this is a heartfelt and emotional glimpse into the world of a grieving family, before the full realisation of the macabre manifests itself through the little girl's gnarly powers. But scratch the surface. Better yet; scrape the topsoil away. There's a whole graveyard of stuff Ph is playing with, none moreso than the black inevitability of wish-fulfilment and its entrapment of the wisher. The story taps into deep-rooted (in terms of its historical part of our culture) yet skin-deep (with respect to its existence in the consciousness, as opposed to the subconscious) fears of death; specifically the death of those closest to us. Grief, and bereavement. The father hitherto defines himself as part of the spousal dyad - one of two, two as one, husband and wife. The violent (we're told it's a car crash) removal of, literally, his other half, results in his reassessment of himself and his existence as being defined by lack. This is seen in the small details, when he notices "the depression in the sofa... no lingering scent of vanilla perfume."
Nature abhors a vacuum, just as does a disturbed mind. And grief doesn't operate alone. Reality and its agents manifest as invasive, even vampiric. Bailiffs (moneysuckers), in-laws (custody suckers) and Nana Walters (dreamsuckers) exist to remove what little semblance of his self remain. We may assume the father has resigned himself to this fate: "maybe I won't go unpunished," he thinks; and the way he dismisses his daughter's protestations over the bailiffs: "this is Daddy business, hon." ~ Talking of which, the girl plays the role of Genie: a Rorschach-wielding analyst armed with a crayon. She correctly diagnoses her father's self-sense of lack, and fills the void with wishes: the destruction of the moneysucking agents; the creation of her dinosaur (her own wish fulfilment; I have a most fabulous explanation of this element of the story, but sadly I appear to be running out of space); and finally, the grim and inevitable realisation of the not-self fantasy: the completion of the yearned-for spousal dyad. Reunion. But in any reality, speculative or not, the danger of wish fulfilment is its actual happening.

Venusian Broon - Filled with glorious layers upon layers of poststructural deliciousness. Like the doorway to the paradise white-sanded beaches, there's surely more to this story than is initially perceived by those in it, and by those reading it. Structurally, the story revolves around the possibility of possibility; the layering of parallels and the unseen interfaces between juxtapositions: storms against still water; sandy beaches against skyscraper penthouses; trendy bars against quasi-organic branches. Yet while the possibilities seem endless, this is an illusion, and is dependent entirely upon perspective. Our protagonist demonstrates a sliver of understanding - a moment of clarity - when he considers his reality as a simulation, with differing models being juxtaposed. If he's right - and given the mysterious answer of the Dark Haired Girl (DHG), we can assume he's at least someway close to being right - then he only confirms himself as being nobody special. In fact he confirms the fact that he has very little agency at all. In a world apparently defined by chaos and possibility, he ends up at the same drinking hole, night after night, waiting for another moment of clarity that came from an interaction with the DHG. He is destined to be disappointed. So who is the DHG? We know she "belongs" in the universe from the way "she gracefully [weaves] through the thicket of tubes". She punctures walls that divide differing models, able to consider the universe (or universes) as a system; she appears to individual agents, providing them with a task, a thought, a driver ("to provide a revelation of real reality... or a test. Or perhaps both") before leaving the agent. Why does she leave? It must be to seek out another: we know she must do this, for we know the protagonist has already sacrificed his agency. There are a trillion more, just like him, and trillion others who aren't. To buy the simulation ruse one might imagine that she is code made flesh; a bewitching and seductive version of Larry Fishburne in The Matrix, but it's simpler than that. She's the reader: moving from world to world, seeking characters that will make the most of their agency. She is us. She is you.

Mr Orange - no pretentiousness from me this time. This is just a straight-up great story, cleverly told, about the follies of human curiosity and the ability of office facilities managers to sweep almost anything under the rug, from the 4th floor disabled loo that hasn't flushed properly for a month, to the weird speaking plants that consume your co-workers. It's almost enough to make one want to join the Union. Almost.

The Judge - beautiful, dark fairytaling with yet more Freudian undertones (what is WITH you people!? :eek:) and dripping with rich symbols. We start with a silversmith who expresses himself through his smithy abilities, and the power to infuse creation with life. The silver creatures: fish, birds, and the like - are all just false life; steampunkish nightmares that extend the empire of his own Ego. It is his daughter who is the real extension of him but, distracted by his own magnificence, she becomes increasingly coveted by the Symbolic Order (because, like, men, right?). In response to this, the smith is forced to make a key choice; does he sacrifice his own ego to preserve her and smash her free of the prison of his own wardish making? In the end, he does undertake this sacrifice, but not without leaving epitaphs behind.

After some serious existential crisis-management, I decided to go with Phyrebrat, Venusian Broon and...(drum roll......) Remedy as my top 3 and who grabbed my votes.

Oh, and special mention to Starbeast, for making me laugh :D


*Was it Rose? I can't be bothered to IMDB it. I'm sure someone will tell me :rolleyes:
 
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@DG Jones:- I'm a little bit stunned Dan - what a review, what a critique - and a vote as well. I'm not sure exactly what it means, but it reads so good. However, I'm sure what you have written is what I meant to get across when I wrote the original piece...maybe. ;):D

@Denise Tanaka :- And another vote! <sends a big kiss out westwards over the Atlantic> That has made my afternoon - thank you!
 
I'm not sure exactly what it means

Then I have failed :( - seriously though, yours and a few of the others really struck a chord with me and got me thinking. If I'm being honest it probably deserves a slightly longer reading but I felt I was already going overboard for this thread. And it's like Bob Dylan said: "my songs mean whatever they mean to whoever's listening to them at the time. ;)
 
Then I have failed :( - seriously though, yours and a few of the others really struck a chord with me and got me thinking. If I'm being honest it probably deserves a slightly longer reading but I felt I was already going overboard for this thread. And it's like Bob Dylan said: "my songs mean whatever they mean to whoever's listening to them at the time. ;)

My comment was a little tongue in cheek - I was just amazed to be the recipient of such an in-depth review! (And the votes, did not expect them :)).
 
shortlist:

Dragon Bones -- Juliana

Searching for Emma --holland


Le Scorpion -- Jo Zebedee

Charlie -- Remedy

A Lifting of the Veil. -- Venusian Broon

Cornucopia -- Kerrybuchanan

The Breadstick or the Carrot. -- farntfar

Guts and Glory -- johnnyjet

What Little Girls Are Made of. -- Phyrebrat

Lost in the Brambles -- A. Fare Wells

Votes:

Pipe Dreams -- Victoria silverwolf a moving (as always) story about a man better than most of us.

Budding Enterprise -- TheDustyZebra optimistic in the end, a great story with a good message

the one that would have got a single vote:

What's More Fearsome Than A Snufflemagoo? -- alchemist
snufflemag-who? of course it's the snufflemagoo! never ever, even after 6 ales, could i come up with such a splendiferous tale! a wonderful story beyond comprehension, gave me a snort, a belly laugh, a release of all tension! not a wample, a torker nor a gigantetter, could have come up with anything written better! i like it more every time, and have started, annoyingly, to write in rhyme!
 
Well, this is all very exciting.

The race for second, that is, after Remedy wins* ;)

Thanks to Kerry, CC, The Storyteller, farntfar, DG Jones and Juliana for the mentions and shortlistings. Bigger thanks to LittleStar, willwallace, Mr Orange, TitaniumTi, Holland, Cascade, Ihe and Brian Rogers for the votes. And even bigger thanks to those of you who sent kind words my way.



* yes, yes, I know it can all change yet :D
 
All right, I've voted. After reading all through and deciding they were all too good to be rejected, then again and none were good enough to vote for, then…

So, final short list:-
TitaniumTi Untitled
Cat's Cradle On the Tempting of a Practitioner of Social Engineering, and His Response to Same
Damien Barker Untitled
JoanDrake The Copper Snakes
Phyrebrat What Little Girls Are Made of.
The Judge The Silver Sweetbriar.

Um yes, I voted for three of them.
 
First - thank you for votes, mentions and kind words :) I'm blown away this month.

Second - my lists:

Long list

Venusian Broon
Johnnyjet
Sancho
Mosaix

Shortlist

Ihe
Littlestar
Void
THe Judge

Almost-votes

DG Jones
Ursa Major

Votes

Juliana -
I love steampunk and yours was fantastic. It felt whole, too
Alchemist - first read out loud, I chuckled along having loads of fun (couldn't not vote for it, Alc) brilliant!
Kerrybuchanan - the voice was perfect for this imaginative concept, very enjoyable


And third - I'm off to re-grow my nails for more biting ;)
 
Wooiiiii!

I'm back in the land of writing and normality at long last. Better get on with my 300 duties before the poll closes:

My most ‘umble and oily Uriah-thanks thanks to Victoria and Remedy for the reviews. I also have to make especial mention of Dan’s wonderfully empowering write up of my entry: Thank you for taking so much time and effort with my story.

Also, enduring thanks for the votes from droflet, Cascade, Ihe, Alc (No, don’t stop voting for me :D ), Littlestar, DG, Chrispenycate, Twistedlemon; and the shortlisting and or mentions from TitaniumTi, Kerrybuchanan, Cat’s Cradle, VB, Glen, holland, HazelRah, Vaz, sancho, juliana, Mr Orange,

My Favourites
cat’s cradle
Alc
ihe
Cascade
willwallace
jo
littlestar
Remedy
Robert Mackay
Storyteller
sancho
TDZ
TJ
Fitzchiv


My winners
Mr Orange - The first time I read this I knew it was going onto my list. There is something so chilling about this tale. I even made a point of bringing it up to the others when we met the other week for LonChron15!
Kerrybuchanan - Two things: I have a phobia about creatures or animals 'slooping' essence out of others (to the point that I wrote one earlier this year), and I loved the optimism - brings a new picture to the term 'Guardian Angel' ;)
Moonbat - Your entries are frequently so odd and leftfield and I'm always shortlisting them so it feels nice to vote for this. There's something so spot-on about the picture and suggesting jazz. I absolutely loved this one; dark, humorous, clever and utterly original.

Thanks for the votes everyone, not done this well since the Old Noreaster of '63.

pH
 

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