DISCUSSION -- October 2015 300-word Writing Challenge (#19)

[TheDustyZebra]

In case anyone was wondering about my rather abstruse title, Catullus was a Roman poet, particularly noted for erotic poetry and a lot of obscene stuff. But his poem 101 is a lament for his dead brother, which includes the line (Wikipedia translation) "speak in vain to silent ash" -- I'd already thought of the idea of reusing dead bodies to improve the soil on Mars, so this idea of speaking to the dead brother's ashes resonated with me when I came across it. Only then the story warped from a lament for the brother into the murderer of the brother being glad of his death, hence the "inverse".

I got it, I got it, yay!

 

[Perpetual Man]

Congratulations to mosaix, and you get on over to that 75 wrd thread righ... okay, you already have

Umm, I was lucky enough to have four votes this month which is an improvement on my recent entries, so thank you very much to the four of you it is greatly appreciated.

As are the mentions, I tried to like every one, but thanks again (especially if I missed a like).

 

[Starbeast]

Thanks everyone! As VB said, my first success in the 300 word challenge.

I'm stunned with the win, mainly because of the typo right in the middle of the story. I noticed the thing 20 minutes after the editing window had shut and thought that it would cost me so many votes that I wouldn't stand a chance. I'd be interested to know if people just didn't see it, saw it and ignored it or saw it and discounted the story altogether.

Heh heh. I saw it, but I always look beyond that (I've seen typos or mistakes in tales before - including my own). It's the overall impact and gooey guts of the story I'm always focused on. And you sir, struck my interest like a bolt of lightning, and then covered the smoldering remains with dark chocolate goodness. Hmm, now I feel hungry.

Congratulations MOSAIX.

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

Many congratulations to mosaix after an exciting contest with many very strong contenders.

 

[TheDustyZebra]

Thanks everyone! As VB said, my first success in the 300 word challenge.

I'm stunned with the win, mainly because of the typo right in the middle of the story. I noticed the thing 20 minutes after the editing window had shut and thought that it would cost me so many votes that I wouldn't stand a chance. I'd be interested to know if people just didn't see it, saw it and ignored it or saw it and discounted the story altogether.

Anyway, thanks to CC, Victoria, J D Foster, VB, Johnny Jet. A. Fare Wells, HazelRah, Little Star, Phyrebrat and Alc for the mentions / short lists.

And many, many thanks to Cul, U.M., ratsy, T.J., TDZ, Starbeast, Droflet, Bowler, StilLearning, Luiglin, Mr Orange, DG, and Travis Woodward for the votes.

And whilst composing this post I've realised that I didn't thank people who appreciated my story in the October 75 word challenge. I intend to put that right in the next few minutes!

I saw it (you probably guessed that), but the story beat it out. While I do take things like that into consideration, I have been known to vote for a strong story anyway.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Congratulations Mosaix (and rats for breaking my near-perfect record of voting for the winner)!

Fabster thanks to Culhwch, HareBrain, alchemist, LittleStar, Luiglin, Cat’s Cradle, Robert Mackay and HazelRah for the votes. I think I have ‘liked’ everyone that shortlisted my story, so thanks again for all the mentions.

The origin of my entry is a bit convoluted so rather than waffle here, I’m thinking I’ll use it for this weekend’s blog as it links in with my previous ones about theme and symbology, and Alpha state brain waves. But, in case the hamfisted symbology missed anyone, I wanted to write something dealing with female fertility and menopause. At one point, I was a little concerned it may cause offence.

EDIT: I forgot to say an extra special thanks to DG Jones, HB and Robet Mackay for such lovely comments on my entry. I should screenprint them and put them on my wall

pH

 

[willwallace]

Congratulations, Mosaix on the win.
And thanks to those who mentioned my story.

 

[Ursa major]

Just a few -- well, probably more than 300 -- words about my story.

I'm not a big fan of poetry, really, but my parents were born only a few miles from where Wordsworth was, so there was no way I wouldn't have known his poem, I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud (aka Daffodils). And, somehow, the poem floated into my mind; not surprising, I suppose, but the leap -- one I wasn't looking for -- to another work of fiction came almost immediately (presumably because of those daffodils). That work was Flowers for Algernon (which, I have to admit, I've never read -- though I may have seen some of Charly, a film based on it -- though I know it's about enhancing intelligence).

Now I think a few of my 300-worders have been based on machine consciousness (= a quantum leap in machine intelligence). Whether this fed, unconsciously, into my lighting upon Flowers for Algernon, I don't know, but the conscious thought followed almost immediately after. After that, the story itself flowed quite easily. I saw the clouds of nanites occasionally brought together into a crowd -- as a cloud -- interacting to provide the necessary processing power, and multiple interconnections, to allow consciousness to arise (pun intended) and all that I then required was some sort of vague (nebulous?) plot. Oh and a title and a few in-jokes.

The word, Algeron, was an obvious candidate for making a pun (giving Flowers for Algeron). I thought I'd just check if Algeron happened to be some sort of celestial body, and serendipity struck: Algeron IV is a planet in the Star Trek universe, a place associated with the Treaty of Algeron (the treaty that bans the Federation from using cloaking technology). So now I had a punnish version of 'for' and a reason for having 'Flowers' in there (as a verb): Algeron IV Flowers.

All was well until I had to rewrite -- okay, ruin -- the first verse of Daffodils. After the first line -- which wrote itself (the machine consciousness can only think -- wonder -- when there's a crowd of nanites) -- this was harder work than the rest of the story, but it did give me the chance to reference the Dune universe by calling my clones Gholas. Trouble was, I couldn't find a suitable replacement for the word, daffodils. I could replace the 'dils' with 'mills' (dark satanic ones, if you like ) but what about 'daffo'?

Cue a panic of typing odd combinations of letters into Wiktionary. It was there I found afflo, which just shows that serendipity is a hard worker. Afflo is Latin, and it means both 'I breathe' and 'I blow'. So there you have it, a world that needs terraforming (to produce a human-breathable atmosphere) and an intelligence that needs the winds to blow its processing capacity together (thus 'breathing' life into it). So that's where afflo-mills come from: machines that produce an atmosphere for humans.

At this point, I began to worry that readers would think afflo was just a conveniently made up word, so I needed to show that it wasn't. That's why I made Algeron IV Flowers the second part of the title, preceding it with the quote referenced in the Wiktionary entry: Afflavit Deus et dissipantur (God blew [His wind] and they were scattered), a nice reverse** summation of the story I'd already written.

So thanks first should go to serendipity and then to my unconscious thought processes. (Oh, and Wordsworth, who had the foresight, and good fortune, to be born near where my parents would be more than a century and a half later....)


** - Reverse because the wind brought the nanites together rather than scattering them AND good old chance played its part (although those of a more religious nature could read into it that something divine had its hand in the creation of the machine consciousness if they wished).

 

[Culhwch]

Congrats, mosaix! A very, very good story, and one that appealed to the OCD in me (though not to my homicidal tendencies, I hope...). My other votes got snatched by Phyrebrat's lyrical offering, and Hex's final line. Okay, the whole story, but that final line was the kicker.

Many thanks for the votes, chrispenycate, TJ, Glen, and J D Foster! And thanks also to those who listed or mentioned my story. My entry was a late bloomer this time around (as is usual, I suppose). I really didn't have anything for the longest time, but the image kept reminding me of Mad Max: Fury Road, so I ran with that. I swear it's an homage, not plagiarism.

 

[Starbeast]

@Culhwch Oh wow!!! I was thinking about the new Mad Max movie as well, at first.

 

[Dan Jones]

Ursa, that's a sterling amount of effort and undertaking. I doff my cap to thee.

For my story I just wanted to write a ripping yarn!

 

[Luiglin]

The image reminded me of a primeval landscape still unblemished by land based lifeforms.

That led to the idea of some creature practicing to evolve, taking their first steps and instantly regretting it.

 

[Ursa major]

Ursa, that's a sterling amount of effort and undertaking.

To be honest, the only vaguely onerous bit was typing into Wiktionary. The whole process took very little time**.


** - Unless you count the four weeks or so during which only my subconscious mind was mulling over how to respond to that picture.

 

[TheDustyZebra]

I thought immediately of desert nomad fantasy, Rose of the Prophet, djinni and desert gods and such. But I never managed to get it to gel into anything.

 

[Mr Orange]

congratulations mosaix. a great story.

my story stemmed from an idea i have had floating around for a while and the picture matched the confused colonist wandering around the ruins of his colony. there was a twist that i think got lost as i chopped the story down to 300 words, but i'll pop over tot he improving thread to discuss that.

 

[StilLearning]

Well done Mosaix! Thank you Venusian Broon for the vote, and for everyone who mentioned me, I will try and post a shortlist of my own as soon as work calms down and I get some time to thibnk - I've used my allocated 10 minutes me time this week to rush out a 75 worder for November!

 

[mosaix]

I chose The City and The Stars by Arthur C. Clarke as my prize for winning the October 300 word challenge and it had arrived when I got home this afternoon.

Thanks again to everyone who voted for my story.

 

[ratsy]

I have that on my kindle and hope to get around to it. Hope its a good one Mosaic!