Totally random (and fake) dustjacket blubs

[Dave]

It's Your Call

If there was one single personal development and self-help book from last year that you should definitely buy, then this isn't it. But if there was a second, and you've already read those from the previous year, then maybe it could be. But don't ask me! Like me, for various different reasons, do you put off important decisions until tomorrow, or the next day, or even sometime later? Then this book might be for you. It could be beneficial to walk through solving those daily challenges we all experience occassionally. For instance, do you, or do you not have difficulty making your mind up? Then you might tentatively consider reading this book. If you want to change that is, otherwise it's really up to you to decide yourself. Probably available from all good bookshops. If not then it could be delivered quite soon. Don't delay any longer than absolutely necessary. Read it a little later, or like a reference book, or don't read it at all! But only if you have the time, of course! The author gets paid when you buy it, whether you read it or not.

 

[Anne Martin]

Wordle-ss

The Oxford English Dictionary has lost its 5-letter words, thus ending the domination of Wordle as a viable pastime. The game obsessing most English speakers, has become an empty shell, a ghost town, or in new-speak, a vacant mollusk, an apparition village, forcing people to consider the use of verbiage of more than five letters. Is this the end of civilization as we know it?

 

[bretbernhoft]

Beyond The Edge Of Time

In the year 3045, humanity has exhausted all resources on Earth and faces imminent extinction. The only hope for survival lies in the discovery of a new habitable planet beyond the edge of time. A team of elite astronauts, led by Captain Ava Chen, embark on a perilous journey through a wormhole in search of a new home. But when they arrive, they discover a planet already inhabited by an alien race with advanced technology.

As they explore the new world, they uncover a sinister plot to enslave humanity by these alien overlords. With the fate of humanity hanging in the balance, Captain Chen and her crew must band together with a group of rebel aliens to launch a daring mission to overthrow the oppressors and secure a new future for all. But time is running out, and the clock is ticking towards a final showdown that will determine the fate of humanity and the universe itself. Will they succeed, or will they be trapped beyond the edge of time forever?

 

[Dave]

Complicated Lyrics

A former man writes popular songs about real-life situations culled from her own personal experiences. In the latest, they merely swapped their gender to hide the fact that their experience was their own. When they are sued for libel by their ex-partner, a former woman, for seriously defamatory allegations, they hire a flash young lawyer to argue that the idiosyncratic song writing is a result of their ASD. A parade of witnesses, including medical doctors, legal experts on the use of third person pronouns, the Rap Artist known only as Wordsmith, and three previous editors of the Oxford English Dictionary, are brought into London’s High Court of Justice during a high profile case, which ultimately gets bogged down for weeks in the meaning of preferred gender pronouns. Subtitled “Your Honour, if you may indulge me?” this book is a race against time to see whether the Judge can dismiss the case before the court falls asleep again?

 

[Dave]

Scotch and Soda

When his Tesla breaks down on a remote Scottish road, John Davies must walk to the nearest village for help, where he discovers that his troubles have only just begun. He enters into a nightmare world where the ‘whompy wheels’ of his new car are the least of his worries. What does Mrs. McCallum really do at the Post Office, and is Sergeant Wyllie actually a policeman? This second book from the bestselling author of Did You Remember to Put Out the Bins? hits the mark once again, with a tightly woven thriller that keeps you in suspense right until the final page.

 

[Dave]

High Devil Programming

Norman Queen is searching the Dark Web to buy agricultural vehicles when a pop-up advertising box appears in his Tor browser asking “Do You Want to Live Forever?” and “Do You Never Want to Grow Older?” and followed by a button to press which says simply “Upload Here.” It seems like too good an offer to miss out on, and so Norman quickly double clicks. A few hours later, and his Soul has been uploaded to Purgatory and his physical body must receive expiatory purification if he ever wants it back again. It is no good pleading that he is an atheist either as the man in charge says that he doesn’t believe in a God either

 

[Dave]

Ever Present Past

Ever Present Past is the third book in the series by the screenplay, turned paperback writer, after Yesterday and Tomorrow Never Knows. Jack Malik is invited by the strange “Yellow Submarine Society” to buy a ticket to ride to Liverpool to investigate what happened to the ‘Beatle’, Paul McCartney. There he finds that Paul’s family were killed in an astray WWII bombing raid, and that Paul was never born. Strawberry Fields is now a large housing development, and Penny Lane was knocked down in the 1970’s to build the M59 motorway. Meanwhile, Jack has some financial difficulties when he finds that his schemes to bring Cabbage Patch Dolls and the Rubik's Cube to the alternate world are less successful that he had imagined.

 

[Dave]

Beautiful Plumage

Be careful what you wish for. Richard Brennand once saw a Rose Ring-Necked Parakeet in his back garden. When he threw a penny into a well, he wished that he could have more beautiful birds to come visit his garden. Fast forward forty years, and Richard is not happy. His wife divorced and left him for a neighbour. His kids moved out and never visit him. He cannot sell the house. Hundreds of bloody Parakeets are in the garden every day. They have seen off all the other birds, stripped the bark off the trees, and the house is covered in guano. He filled in the well with rubble. He has bought every bird repellent on the market. There is one thing left for him to do, but first he needs a shotgun license and that altercation, when the police visited about all the squawking, is going to be a problem.

 

[Dave]

Purple Prose

This is the thirst in a new series of twenty-three books by new self-published fantasy writer, Nellie Hammering Bonk. A young couple, Mary Sue and Gary Stu, are whisked away on their Wedding night by a ruler formally known as The Symbol. Locked into a dungeon, they are forced to complete literally unspeakable acts. Helped to escape by an underclass of slaves who are facing decimation by their masters, they join a battle that has spanned Millenia. Based upon some of the author’s own teenage experiences and sweetened by healthy doses of noughties nostalgia, this is basically a cosy reed of fantasy and adventure, for those who like this kind of thing.

 

[Anne Martin]

God: An Autobiography

This is a long story, so sit down and get comfortable. You've all heard of him (or her), whether you believe in him or not. This gripping story begins in the beginning. Read about the creation of the universe from the man himself, from his own viewpoint. "What can I say? I got bored," he reveals in this candid account. How did Abraham live over 900 years? How did Eve's sons procreate if she only gave birth to sons? In this tell-all account of his story, we learn how we live and why we die, and how he couldn't give a flying f*** about critics like me. It took a God-like vanity to write it all down in this self-absorbed fallible first person narr ... pffft!

 

[Anne Martin]

Time lapse

Josh had no friends. He remembered how friendships ended, not how they began. Meeting people for the first time was destined to be the last meeting between them. He never asked them how their important life events went, since he always missed them. They happened before he knew about them. He couldn't do anything to prevent the car accident, nor Katie's death. The child she had was his, but he didn't know that the one night stand would be the last time he saw her and the first time she saw him. Climax always came before the foreplay, ends before beginnings, death before life. Thus he met the perils of living life backwards.

 

[Cthulhu.Science]

Wizard of OZ

Dorothy arrived suddenly and unannounced immediately killing the first person she encountered. She then crossed the land assembling a team with local knowledge to kill again.

 

[Cthulhu.Science]

The Heat

Oryx won the bet. Terraforming was an expensive and lengthy operation. Drax simply could not believe the the local inhabitants were so greedy that with a few suggestions in the right ears the rulers of planet would put the entire economy of the planet on a mission to increase the planetary atmospheric Carbon Dioxide content and temperature in time for the invasion force to arrive and settle. Long live the Reptilian Empire!

 

[Dave]

Stat Trek

A footslog to harnesses the true power of Commander Data: a long arduous journey taken through facts obtained from analysing information, expressed in numbers, and in large quantities. first interpreted and then presented.

 

[AE35Unit]

Lord of the Rings
A bunch of little guys go looking for a ring so they can destroy it. A wizard helps!

 

[Fiberglass Cyborg]

The Surprisingly PG-Rated Adventures of Rent-Boy and Call-Girl

He is a maked vigilante who fights corrupt slum landlords. She can control telephones with the power of her mind. Together they can do anything.... except rebrand themsleves.

 

[THX1138]

The Door Stopper

He made his way through business school with high honors but when he got into the real world of Climbing The Corporate Ladder, he learned that one must start at the door. Will he advance to Elevator Operator or Executive Restroom Janitor? What will it take for him to become a mailroom clerk? Or will forever be known as, The Door Stopper.

 

[THX1138]

Star Trek - Du Soleil

When you're in command of a starship, effective communication is the key to survival. Captain Francois of the United Federation of Planets found himself in command of a Klingon Bird of Prey and it's eclectic Klingon crew. Unable to overcome cultural and language barriers, he soon discovered something that brought them together. They were all mimes.

 

[THX1138]

The In-Law Josey Wales

When a civil war reenactor is told about his family's death, he goes looking for the ones who did this crime. Along the way Josey is given an offer he 'Can't Refuse' by his cousin in the mob. After some convening, Josey agrees and is made a part of the family. It is then that he learns the Mobs truth and his own family's connections. Will he go along with his cousin's wishes, or will he bring a whole new meaning to reenacting the family's feud?

 

[Rjalex]

Title: "My Oughtobiography: A Journey Through Procrastination and Purpose"

In this enthralling tale of self-discovery, follow the life of Max, a master procrastinator who finds himself caught in a cycle of avoiding responsibility. Max's journey takes an unexpected turn when he stumbles upon a forgotten journal, recounting the life of a mysterious writer grappling with the very same struggle.

Transported to a world of introspection and reflection, Max finds himself writing about the writer writing about a book about the very stuff he should be doing!

"My Oughtobiography" is a brilliant exploration of the human condition, urging readers to embrace their passions, take charge of their destiny, and embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery. Join Max as he unravels the wisdom of the writer's tale, and embarks on his own path to reclaiming purpose, motivation, and fulfillment.