Imperial Spy

[Mark Robson]

The proposed blurb for my new novel, Imperial Spy, is as follows:

When Femke is entrusted with a vital foreign mission for the Emperor, the resourceful young spy assumes it will be a simple task. But nothing is straightforward when your enemies are one step ahead of you. Framed for two murders while visiting the neighbouring King's court, Femke finds herself isolated in a hostile country. As the authorities hunt her down for the murders, her arch-enemy, Shalidar, is closing in for his revenge ...

What do you think? Has it got enough hooks?

 

[Leto]

Frankly ? From the blurb, I can't tell if it's fantasy, sci-fi or simply the new plot for a James-Bond like movie. Do Femke has a special ability ?

 

[Mark Robson]

Frankly ? From the blurb, I can't tell if it's fantasy, sci-fi or simply the new plot for a James-Bond like movie. Do Femke has a special ability ?

No, Femke has no special abilities. This is a fantasy with no magic or magicians. Actually, that's not quite true ... there is a sorcerer in the Prologue, but as Femke has just killed him, I don't think he counts!

This is all set in the fantasy world created in The Darkweaver Legacy, but the focus shifts from the magical to the shady underworld of spies and assassins. It is basically an adventure story, but set in a fantasy world. The second book in the series does have some magic in it, but mainly in the form of magical artifacts rather than people performing spells.

 

[Leto]

So maybe your blurb should mention it's set in the same world than your previous work. So far, your blurb is intriguing but it lacks specificity.

 

[Mark Robson]

So maybe your blurb should mention it's set in the same world than your previous work. So far, your blurb is intriguing but it lacks specificity.

My problem with putting strong links to The Darkweaver Legacy into the blurb is that the Publisher of this book does not have the rights to the other four books. I get the feeling they would prefer to market it on its own merits, rather than link it to something that I self published, which is perfectly understandable.

 

[Brian G Turner]

Have to admit it does seem a little flat, but it depends upon your target audience. I think in that regard Leto raises an interesting point about genre - can you simply state what sort of world is this set in within the blurb?

As a personal suggestion:

"In a world of magic and murder, a young woman is sent to spy on a King's court, only to become snared in an elaborate trap. Isolated in a hostile country, and with an arch-enemy closing for revenge, she must use all of her skills and wits to survive."

Point of the above is to quickly and clearly emphasise a couple of things for your targeted marketing audience, namely that it's a general fantasy novel, the protagonist is female, and also hint at tensions within the book, rather than trying to relate plot.

Simply suggestive in case applicable.

 

[dwndrgn]

I think that the previous posters are right in that you need to mention the fantasy aspect in addition to the adventure/spy aspect. Also that the protagonist is a woman is an additional hook (for some ). Brian's blurb suggestion seems to hit the high points without over emphasizing magic or hooking it to the Darkweaver Legacy.

You'll have to let us know as soon as they decide to put it out. I want to be in line to buy

 

[Mark Robson]

Thanks. There are some excellent points within your suggestion, Brian. I'll send them a re-worked blurb bearing this in mind and see what they say. It will be interesting to see if they take the points on board.

 

[Mark Robson]

Hmm! A very quick response indeed! I think this is a lot better now. (You will note a lot of Brian's words in there - they liked them apparently! )

In a world of magic and murder, Femke is entrusted with a vital foreign mission by the Emperor. The task appears straightforward, but the young spy quickly finds herself ensnared in an elaborate trap.

Isolated in a hostile country, hunted by the authorities and with her arch-enemy closing in for his revenge, Femke needs all her wit and skills to survive. Only Reynik, a soldier barely out of training, appears willing to help. But with no knowledge of her true mission, Reynik soon discovers chivalry is a dangerous business.

What do you think to the revisions?

 

[Brian G Turner]

I think that sounds much better - full of reader hooks.

Good to see the Reynik section added - suggested use of major female and male POVs can only help with wider appeal.

 

[Leto]

The task appears straightforward, but the young spy quickly finds herself ensnared in an elaborate trap.

This sentence doesn't sound right, is too slow and give no real info (except the trap). Erase it and keep the rest

As
In a world of magic and murder, Femke is entrusted with a vital foreign mission by the Emperor. Isolated in a hostile country, hunted by the authorities and with her arch-enemy closing in for his revenge, Femke needs all her wit and skills to survive. Only Reynik, a soldier barely out of training, appears willing to help. But with no knowledge of her true mission, Reynik soon discovers chivalry is a dangerous business.

Now that you've teased us with your blurb, when is it out again ? I'm not fond of fantasy, but I love to read good spy stories.

 

[Mark Robson]

This sentence doesn't sound right, is too slow and give no real info (except the trap). Erase it and keep the rest

As
In a world of magic and murder, Femke is entrusted with a vital foreign mission by the Emperor. Isolated in a hostile country, hunted by the authorities and with her arch-enemy closing in for his revenge, Femke needs all her wit and skills to survive. Only Reynik, a soldier barely out of training, appears willing to help. But with no knowledge of her true mission, Reynik soon discovers chivalry is a dangerous business.

Now that you've teased us with your blurb, when is it out again ? I'm not fond of fantasy, but I love to read good spy stories.

The problem with dropping that sentence, Leto, is the sense of why she is being hunted is lost. I quite agree that it isn't as dynamic as the rest, but overall I'm a lot happier with this than I was with the original.

I guess I'm buying the first round next week then, Brian.

 

[Leto]

It's a blurb, no need to know yet why she is hunted. On the contrary, you may want to know and check the book.
As long as the second version suits you, that's the most important.

 

[Jay]

This is a fantasy with no magic or magicians.

I'm interested.

 

[Mark Robson]

Now that you've teased us with your blurb, when is it out again ? I'm not fond of fantasy, but I love to read good spy stories.

I forgot to mention this, sorry. The publication date is planned to be April 06, but amazon seem to know something I don't. They are currently advertising it as available from 3 January 06! See http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/141690185X/qid%3D1122563264/026-3028929-3921200

Again, I take your point about the mystery generated by a blurb being an attraction, but I do like things to have a certain sense of logic. According to a personality type indicator test I took last week, I'm verging on obsessive about it! I guess I can't change that part of my nature easily.

 

[Balinor]

how about in stead of :
"The task appears straightforward, but the young spy quickly finds herself ensnared in an elaborate trap. Isolated in a hostile country, hunted by the authorities and with her arch-enemy closing in for his revenge, Femke needs all her wit and skills to survive"

try putting:
"a straight forward task turns into to an elaborate trap as femke finds herself iolated in a hostile country, hunted by the authorities and with a ruthless assassin closing in for his revenge, Femke needs all her wit and skills to survive"

it makes the blurb read more easily whilst keeping the sense of why she is being hunted.

also, could u put a griffon into one of your future books as they are the coolest magical creatures

 

[Mark Robson]

how about in stead of :
"The task appears straightforward, but the young spy quickly finds herself ensnared in an elaborate trap. Isolated in a hostile country, hunted by the authorities and with her arch-enemy closing in for his revenge, Femke needs all her wit and skills to survive"

try putting:
"a straight forward task turns into to an elaborate trap as femke finds herself iolated in a hostile country, hunted by the authorities and with a ruthless assassin closing in for his revenge, Femke needs all her wit and skills to survive"

it makes the blurb read more easily whilst keeping the sense of why she is being hunted.

also, could u put a griffon into one of your future books as they are the coolest magical creatures

Good suggestion, Balinor, but it might be a little late to change now. Also, the sentence is very long. Generally, blurbs tend to have short, sharp points to grab the attention, but I can see the attraction of the way you have phrased it.

I've never considered using a griffon. What sort of character do you think it would have? Would the griffon be able to speak? Do you think it would be a creature for good, evil, or a neutral power? I have a story that a griffon could be brought into, so I'd be interested in how you would visualise it.

 

[dwndrgn]

Mark: Do you want my opinion? Well, I'll give it even if you don't, 'cause that's the kind of troublemaker I am

A gryphon/griffon, if it were a magical creature, should be able to communicate mind to mind, in a similar manner as dragons in many stories do.

If it is just a beast, then its brain and beak would not allow it the power of speech as we know it.

Balinor - did you read Mercedes Lackey's White Gryphon and the rest? They are good stories. In fact, my first online user name came from one of her characters in Black Gryphon.

 

[Mark Robson]

Mark: Do you want my opinion? Well, I'll give it even if you don't, 'cause that's the kind of troublemaker I am

A gryphon/griffon, if it were a magical creature, should be able to communicate mind to mind, in a similar manner as dragons in many stories do.

If it is just a beast, then its brain and beak would not allow it the power of speech as we know it.

Balinor - did you read Mercedes Lackey's White Gryphon and the rest? They are good stories. In fact, my first online user name came from one of her characters in Black Gryphon.

Remind me - Griffon/Gryphon - half lion, half eagle? I seem to remember them being very proud and generally a force for good/neutral. Would this make sense? The telepathy is accepted, Dwndrgn, and I guess you know which story this will appear in!

 

[rune]

Sounds very interesting, despite the fact there isnt any magic included in the plot. Sounds like there may be other things that may interest me

I'll have to watch out for it next year.