OK, but I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. Pretty long and doesn’t make much sense and isn’t that funny, but a little exercise I’ve enjoyed. I promise I won’t do anymore, I’m taking up a lot of room on this thread. Soz. Oh, I never realised it was so long! Arggh! I’ll never finish!
Oh, try and sing it, if you can! Everybody…
The Real Jack O’Neill, Or ‘I’m not Dim and Shady.’
Will you come to attention, please?
Will you come to attention please?!
I’m not dim and shady so will ya please shut up?
I repeat, I’m not dim and shady, so please shut up!
We’re gonna have a problem here.
Y’all act like you’ve never seen a rookie before,
Jaws all on the floor when SG-1 burst through the door,
Danny’s had his ass whooped worse than that before,
Met some new friends o’course, Jaffa throwin’ em over. (Ahh!)
It’s the return of the … “Ah, wait, no way he’s kidding,
Didn’t just say to the General what I think he did, did he?â€
And Dr. Sam says… something, I’m no idiot,
It’s just that, well, never took ‘Scientist Ed’ (OK, took some liberties…)
Feminist women love O’Neill;
‘You know I’m sick of him, Look at him walkin’ around with his big old gun (literal!)
Wearin his shades so cool (!),’ ‘Yeah, but he’s cute.’
Yeah, so I’ve got a few screws up in my head loose,
But no worse than what’s goin on in the President’s boardroom, (Both ways, original and literal. I Sometimes I wanna get an MP3 and just let loose, but can’t, think it works. Ish.)
But it’s cool for them snakes who choose to use,
“My snake is in your neck! My snake is in ya neck!â€
And if you’re real lucky, ya might just wind up dead.
And the message that they deliver to little kids,
And expect them to treat them as gods and goddesses.
Poor saps are gonna listen and not kick the little hiss.
And the stupid allies we’ve made,
Won’t give us the things we need. Grrr…
“We ain’t nothin but babies’? Well, I’ll bite em an’ give em rabies.
Those snakes open peoples heads like cantaloupes,
But if we can act like diplomats and politicians want our votes,
And there’s no reason why he can’t be a dope,
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote,
We’ll all go through the hole, sing the chorus and it goes:
I’m not dim and shady, yeah that’s right lady.
All ya snakes out there are gonna get a pasting.
So won’t Sam and Daniel please shut up!
Please shut up! Don’t stand up!
Well Teal’c don’t cuss everyday for his efforts,
Well maybe in Jaffa, but I don’t know, do you?
Ya think I don’t give a damn about Danny?
Half the time he can’t stomach me, let alone stand me.
“But Jim (soz!) you’re still with him, isn’t that weird?â€
What, just ‘cos we fight? ‘Cos he bends my ear?
I have to listen to those two dears.
Don’t mind too much, ‘cept when our one man catastrophe here,
Does another runner and gets hissel’ hurt.
Don’t mind the science if it helps us last.
Get safe home, sit and watch TV,
“Yeah he’s cute, but who’d wanna marry him? (Me!)
I wanna sit around with packs of two times three (See, he can count! Think about it!)
Watch the whole world, wanna fish, that’s me!
I’m sick of all you little girls and boys, ew, all you do is annoy me,
Make me feel antique, you do! Grr.
And there’s a million planets out there who hate me.
‘Cos I cuss like me, don’t like bureaucrats, that’s me,
I dress like me, walk, talk and act like me,
Sorry if you don’t like it, but that’s just me!
I’m not dim and shady, so why d’y’all hate me?
Standin here in the SGC with me mates waiting.
But won’t the boring science freaks please shut up?
Won’t stupid gloating snakes please shut up!?!
It’s like a headtrip to listen to, ‘cos they’re only saying
Things Einstein talked about with his gifted friends.
Only difference is walkin through the wall
Ain’t physics at all I don’t pretend to understand it at all.
I just step through the blue and shoot at my foe.
And whether you like to admit it, I’m not with it,
Better than ninety percent of my life spent way out,
And you wonder why I’m flippant and droll,
It’s funny, but right now I’d be in a retirement home,
Probably more hair colour up there too,
Eatin lotsa junk food, drinkin loads, or worse,
And I’m complaining, but it’d be boring…
And every single planet has some bad guy lurkin,
Could be workin on your mind and screwin things,
Or drivin his ship around, circlin,
Screaming, “I don’t give a damn!â€
With his thrusters down, burnin ozone up.
So will the real dim and shady please stand up?
And put a big staff up ya butt?
I’m proud to be outta my mind, outta control,
But still with a conscience, so loud as you can, how’s it go?
Who’s dim and shady, who’ve ya killed lately?
Come judgement day you’ll see who hates thee (Oops!)
Won’t stupid evil villains please shut up?
Won’t stupid egomaniacs please shut up?
Ha ha
Guess I’m not so dim after all, what d’ya say?
Oh, then I’ll shut up.
FIN
Ah, I did it! It took ages to finish it, but I persevered! Hah! Oh, freaky, it was on the radio as I was finishing and it’s not been on in ages! OK, I couldn’t sing all of it, but who said it had to be perfect?
Eek! Scary, this guy kept saying ‘Stargate’ in the background of Sisqo’s new song! I thought I was hearing things!!! I’m not, by the way, Stargate studios or summat. (Close call!)
Now I just need to imagine RDA rapping it with all the appropriate hand gestures. Hmm…
Hmm, best do some Classics now. I just needed a break from Latin (translating a story about Damocles under exam conditions. Yeuck!) I promise never to ruin another song, cheers agin for the lyrics!
Bye now…
