Character Creation Chain

(And you can call me Int... or Er ... or Fee .... or Rence -- You know, maybe Interference doesn't abbreviate too well, whaddya think? :))

Grenville Blunderstap

No one dared call him 'killer' to his face. No one who could subsequently tell the tale, at any rate. But Grenville was more than just a murderer and a cutthroat. He was the finest tracker on any of the Four Worlds (and associated moons). Or at least, he had been until now. Now he was a has-been, his heart in turmoil, his soul in torment, his skills a distant, blurry memory. And so he drank, and it was in an advanced condition of alcoholic decay that Trench and Desperada found him - and despaired.

"Does he even know we're here?" Desperada said, desperation cling-wrapping her voice.

"Um, uh-hum, dunno, mebbe," Trench mumbled.

"And you say this man holds the only mortal key to the path through the mysterious Fortean Wastes, as discovered by your Grandfather all those many years ago?" she asked, pleading for assurance of a skill that seemed unlikely to reside in the man before them.

"Uh ... Sure," said Trench a little hesitantly since, though he had described the man in approximately that way, he hadn't actually used quite so many words to do so - though, in fairness, her way summarised the plot so far quite succinctly and as such had actually got into print!

"Leave me alone," Grenville screamed, though it is uncertain whether his appeal was addressed to anyone in particular, or just to the worlds at large.

Dark and brooding, gaunt of face and lithe of form, Grenville Blunderstap peered into the empty bottle before him and swore. He was an idiot. When he wasn't drinking, this shortcoming was as clear to him as the glass in his hand. Once or twice in a man's life he might hear the siren call, catch the sweetly scented breath of a beckoning romance, and once or twice he might be listening to Martin Tonedeaf and the Mothers of Inaction on his iPod and miss it. Such a true calling of a truer love had eluded Grenville in just such a way as this (at last count) forty-two times and he was terribly afraid that he might have missed the forty-third as well, for it had come from the silk-lined larynx of his bitterest foe ...

Naire Du Welles

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Naire Du Welles, a gorgeous, silver tongued monster of a woman, who, since the abolition of single sex Guilds accross the land, had single handedly put him and several hundred other contracters, out of business. Whilst Grenville and his associates drank themselves into a stupor, Naire was loading up on enhanced smoothies and training with the Fasthenwa, learning things like advanced ballooning in her spare time. She was sickeningly good at everything, and ever since she muttered "Don't you think you've had enough,"one evening when he had gotten so drunk he thought his hands were his feet and vice versa, he had been doomed.
Naire knew all about Desperda's mission, as any good Du Welle should, and had no intention of letting them succeed; her interest in Tiger Aloona's death/dissapearance was a matter of great concern in some circles, and as the Blue Aloona's chosen blade, Naire would do everything in her power to prevent Desperda dicovering the truth..on penalty of death herself as decreed by

Hegonish Wasban
 
Hegonish Wasban

... was a good listener. It's what made it such a good Dispenser of Justice. Yes, the pronoun was 'it'. Although designed to resemble a Hrephylm Orkclarmama from Iflynch West, Hegonish Wasban was little more and somewhat less than a pretty smart calculating machine on three legs (and a tail). It had deduced that, were the fate of Tiger Aloona to become public knowledge, the entire race of Blue Aloonas would certainly invoke the Rite of Fal Thway-donnng and destroy the four worlds in a fit of pique, for among the Blue Aloonas there was none so blue, nor yet as aloon, as Tiger himself.

The Greater Good, the Justice Machine had calculated after several painfully long nanoseconds of summary, could only be served by permitting a lesser injustice to continue undiscovered.

And so it was that Desperda's every step, and Naire Du Welles' every counter-measure, was dogged (in the older, politer sense of the word) by ...

Skoubhie Dhoobhie-Dhu (... and Schrappie-Dhu, too? :))
 
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Skoubhie Dhoobhie-Dhu

was a great hero of the earliest Norse settlers of Shetland. Translating as "Large talking hound father", the skalds used to sing a haunting lament of Skoubhie at the annual Up-Helly-Aa festival.

Chaucer famously rendered a fragment of the lament in "The Caretaker's Tale".

"Skoubhie Dhoobhie-Dhu.
Where ist thou?
Work we haf for ye to wit.
If we mayst depend on thee, Skoubhie Dhu
For sure we shalt take that vileyn"

It was generally agreed that Shetland culture took a serious nosedive when the skalds introduced Schrappie Dhu, which translated as "f***ing annoying hound nephew".

Lady Cheapside
 
Lady Cheapside

Lady Cheapside is a legend in her town. Always generous to those less fortunate than herself, and always seen with a gentle smile on her face, she was given the name by those she helped. However, not everyone agreed with her helping the unfortunate and needy. There were some who wanted her to leave well alone, as those she was helping were employees of a wealthy industrialist who was well known for mistreating his workforce. She continues on, helping those in need, regardless of those who would have her help out elsewhere.

Tabitha Fox
 
(ROTFLMHO, Peter :D:D:D The Chaucer quote ... I remember it from school, now you mention it. It's alllllll truew!))


Tabitha Fox

Unseen, unheard, unyielding, Tabitha Fox has a single vice: She loathes do-gooders. In a crowd, she is all-but invisible. In any company exceeding two people, she goes quite unnoticed. Only when you are alone with her do you get a chance to be overwhelmed by her distinctive, radiant beauty.

Men have left her company utterly blinded. Women have carried their last image of her on their retinas to the grave. Only by averting your eyes can you conduct even the simpest of conversations with her, when alone.

Only the very brave or the completely foolish would date her, and of those who have tried, two remain what might be called 'relatively sane'.

The precautions taken by Lady Cheapside's nemesis to recruit Tabitha were simple, though. By closed-circuit tele-communications a deal was struck. Lady Cheapside wouldn't even see her coming until it was too late.

'Relatively sane' is a term dependent on the benchmark of sanity, though, as is known only too well by ....

Willis Harryhausen The Mad
 
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Willis Harryhausen The Mad

Willis is actually mad, and clinically so. An incident in his past caused his mind to fracture, and he developed several different - and extreme - personalities as a result of it. Now he is incredibly unstable, and whilst the authorities would like him either put in an institution or neutralized, Willis remains at large. The numerous scars on his body show the battles he has fought, both with himself and with the law, but he seems content enough. Perhaps it is because he has no real sense of self any more. He isn't even aware that his family are trying to find him.

Veronica Tattershall
 
Veronica Tattershall, is a woman who knows what she wants. Everything.
Acquiring everything is not particularly easy, but with steely ambition and sheer will, she has managed to acquire almost everything. (On line shopping has sped up her endeavours no end.)
Tall and dark, as all Tattershalls ever were, Veronica is nearing the fulfillment of her dream to have it all, but along the way has learnt that stuff rarely lives up to expectation (apart from the Wii she got last month), and finds herself wondering what to do next. Her ability to make money has made her life simple, but on the eve of receiving the last item on her I want list-(a limited edition alternative ending to Buffy where Spike lives)-she is visited by a stranger.
He makes her an offer that she can't refuse, her- the girl with everything, and when the postman tries to deliver the parcel next morning, he raises the alarm immediately, for Veronica has never once in all his years as her postman not been ready to sign for her next delivery. Despite searching far and wide , she was never seen again, and her file remains open to this day. The postman is haunted by dreams of the girl who had almost everything, but vanished, and hires a pi to discover the truth. When the pi finds a book in Veronicas many belongings, titled,"What you really want, and how to get it.", smeared with her blood, the mystery deepens...

Nittles Bess
 
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Nittles Bess

"What you really want, and how to get it," Chapter One, by Nittles Bess.

"I'll tell you what you want. What you really, really want," the book begins, and continues in this vein without ever actually completing its own opening assertion. Was it this meaningless absence of substance that drove Veronica Tattershall (Rickie to two of her friends and Nicki to the rest, making life awfully difficult for her biographer - she had a biographer? you ask. Why, yes. She had everything, after all, I reply) to the brink of self-destruction, or had she merely taken an impulse holiday in the Seychelles, as the litter of brochures beside a blood-stained breadknife and a Cadbury's Chocolate Gateau, a half-drunk cup of tea and a signed photograph of Arkwright Malfesance (President of the Surf's Up Boating Club in the picturesque Beau Vallon district of those islands) on her drawing room table suggested?

The PI, an avid spiritualist and fervent believer in the predictive qualities of tea-leaves, took up the cup and tried to deduce its foliant message but, as previously mentioned, the tea-cup was half drunk and was not, therefore, making a whole lot of sense. He would have to wait until it was sober, the PI thought. The PI's name?

Ludo Scenario
 
Ludo Scenario, as perhaps you may have gathered, is not your average PI (I've yet to meet an average PI, but I digress), having started his career as a pool hall attendant in some anonymous city in the East. This may not seem like the most obvious of career swaps, but Ludo spent most of his days and nights at that pool hall, largely because the lack of clocks or windows meant he never quite knew when his shift was over, but mostly because of the clientelle. All sorts played pool, and his small world expanded rapidly when the hall hosted the 19th Annual Heartless Tournament, the summer of his twenty second birthday.
Somehow the alien and magical players didn't fase him at all, and he learnt a great deal as the tournament progressed, fascinated by this new world. His first foray into detective work took place that summer, when the body of a young Goolgon was discovered pinned to a pool table in a rather spitefull manner by a pool cue speared through his third eye. Ludo stumbled accross clues and without quite meaning to solved the crime, and saved the Heartless Tournament from ruin. Now he is a PI full time, and moves from city to city following his first love, pool, from tournamnent to tournament. His addiction to flumps has been his hardest personal problem to date, which he has managed to live with, thanks to the spiritual guidance of his mentor..

Johnson Stemps
 
Johnson Stemps

A nomadic cattle herder, who changed his name along with his lifestyle at the behest of a nagging wife who was sick of living in tents. He took his name from the first name he heard and a phonetic spelling of 'Steppes,' by his former confederates.

Now working in Zimaros as a very prosperous horse-breeder, his only betrayal of his roots is that he sleeps in a tent in his back garden.

Vilaron Hensberg
 
Vilaron Hensberg

Horse-racing magnate and 'acquaintance' of the breeder, Stemps, he is one of the richest and most powerful men in Denmark. He once turned down Stemps' offer to be his spiritual mentor, laughing and telling him that he should stick to studding and taking orders from his wife.

Officially 'Count Hensberg of Randers', Vilaron, once the bankrupt scion of a withered house, restored his family's wealth through his commercial exploits, and claims to have restored their honour. The Danish aristocracy has not taken kindly to his shameful bourgeois ways, however, and none of his best friends have talked to him since he became a billionaire. His closest boarding-school chum Henry Wilshingate III has barred his number! Even Henry!!!

Vilaron is distraught, and he needs the sort of guidance no horse-breeder can offer an aristocrat, so he turns to the only person he knows who possibly can.......

Bellatrix Amnesia Braithwaite
 
Bellatrix Amnesia Braithwaite

I am Bellatrix, the third daughter of Viscount Widgeon Braithwaite. I live in...erm...on a hill...big cathedral...Edinburgh Woollen Mill shop right in the middle...Lincoln! That's it! I live in Lincoln!

I am now about..what would it be? Crikey...get served in the Lion and Snake, so it must be at least...erm...twenty one? No, that can't be right. Eighteen! yes! I'm eighteen! But, hang on, I've got two...erm...little people who scream a lot and play with toy tractors...babies! Blimey - my memory is really not what it was... Let's say I'm about twenty six or so.

Well-heeled people come to me for advice about all sorts of things. You name it, I advise on it - no, sorry,it's gone. What's it called when people are having trouble with other people they want to sleep with? Relationship issues! Of course! Silly me!

What else? Plastering? Nope. Arc-welding? Nope. Don't think so. In fact, not even sure what..erm...what whatever it was I said just now is.

Four legs...long faces..sugar lumps...horses! Yes! I advise people on horses! Or do I just have a horse down on the West Common? And if I do, when did I last go down and give it some oats?

My best friend is...erm...it's on the tip of my tongue. Damn! Sorry - it's gone!
 
Actually, I don't think that's right. My best friend didn't maraud across the ancient world. She comes from...oh god, it's gone again...beet works...old abbey...Bardney! That's right - she's a psychic from Bardney! Or is she a newsagent?

Got it! She's called Big Stella
 
Big Stella

Stella is a charming woman. She may be a little overweight (well, perhaps more than a little), but everyone who knows her absolutely loves her. Bright and bubbly, she has a very motherly attitude towards everyone, and she doesn't seem to have a flaw or critic in the world.

Steven Goodman
 
Steven Goodman

Bespectacled boy-king of the snooker hall, Steven is a child prodigy. The son of Stella and John, he was already being groomed to replace his father in the forthcoming new series Rosanne: The Resurrection on Fox, until his uncle Barry bought him a snooker cue for his seventh birthday. He has not seen his mother in over three years, since his dad kidnapped him and took him to America. He now trails seedy back-street snooker halls with his father, who has resorted to hustling since the show was axed by Fox.

Elias Goldschinger
 
Elias Goldschinger

A wealthy recluse who treasures money like nothing else on Earth. Not much is known about him, save for the fact that he doesn't like charities asking for donations and that his family don't even talk to him any more. It's not even known how much of a fortune he actually has, as he doesn't trust the bank to hold it.

Everard Butler
 
Everard Butler

The living embodiment of the sort of camp Edwardian bonhomie that largely died out in the 1920's, Everard is in his early 60's and lives with his two persian cats in a fairly grotty top floor flat in South Manchester. He works as a barman at the Opera House, a job he has held since time immemorial.

But what stories! If Everard is to be believed, his early life was one long glittering round of theatrical get-togethers, opening nights, final curtain parties and trips to exotic African destinations. Mention any soukh in any North African city and Everard has bought a rug there. Mention any fading British variety star and Everard is close personal friends with them. Mention any play or musical and one of Everard's friends gave the definitive performance. Mention any aria or showtune and Everard has enjoyed a personal rendition by one of the leading lights of the stage.

But mention ghosts, and Everard loses all of his easy humour. He becomes terse, angry and even rude, refusing to have the subject discussed in his presence. One young bar man joked that Everard must have seen something pretty scary in his younger days. Everard responded by laying him out flat with Lady Bracknell's handbag.

Peg O' Nine Stanes
 
Peg O' Nine Stanes

Peg O' Nine Stanes (her real name is Margaret Stansfield) was fortunate enough to find work as a housekeeper at the manor of Lord Edgerly, a self-made man with a large family. She loves to keep busy, and thus is always bustling around the manor, doing all the cleaning jobs that the maids miss or leave for her (knowing how much she likes cleaning), and that was how she got her nickname. Whilst she was cleaning the kitchen one time, the children noticed the array of stains on her skirts and starting to call her that. The unusual spelling came from the card that they sent her on her fortieth birthday. She continues to keep busy, even though most of the children have now grown up and moved away.

Frederick Cotton
 

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