Improving our 75 Word Stories -- READ FIRST POST

[Parson]

In the end every story is seen in the eyes of every reader and there is no accounting for the taste of one over the other. Quite frankly the recipe idea left me cold. I thought it was a clever idea pretending to be a story. Okay, so you're making a "Murphy Slaw." Is it animal or vegetable? The recipe explanation leans toward animal, but slaw is a vegetable food. And then the idea of the red cord and the return to earth really left me scratching my head.

 

[Cory Swanson]

I can take that, Parson. I maybe didn't execute as well as I'd hoped. Seems to be a common problem for me. I'll take it and keep growing.

I do, however, want to challenge everyone to expand their idea of what could constitute a story. I chose the format because I do think that things like recipies and advertisements can indeed tell stories. I felt that a lot could be inferred from the skeleton I gave, thus maximizing the potential of 75 words.

Do all stories need to have the same structure? I've always felt that artists should push at the edges of custom and acceptability. I've been purposely ignoring the stories until after I post so I don't end up sounding like any of the other writers. Not that they're bad, they're incredibly good in fact. I just want to sound different.

 

[Phyrebrat]

I'd encourage playing with structure. I would say that it had to be a story for me to vote for it. (I liked your idea btw, but it didn't fit challenge criteria enough for me to shortlist it.)

The only thing I think to be wary of is fancy fonts and colours.

I say to the kids I teach when they get hung up on what dance costumes they're wearing, instead of the choreography: if your narrative requires a costume to tell your story then you've failed. So, in that regard fonts & colours are just dressing up. But they're normally there to make some point which (I believe) should be explored through the style of prose, not typesetting.

pH

 

[Danny McG]

Sorry Cory, I have some really hardcore criteria when I vote. I'm afraid you hit three of my no-vote criteria: one is if the theme word(s) is used in the text, one is if there's a pun or reworking of the word into a homophone rather than its root meaning, and I usually discount adverts or posters or (in this case) recipies unless they contain a story.

pH

Once again my Chrons education continues. I had to google for the meaning of 'homophone',
tbh I really thought it would prove to be some kind of musical instrument (saxophone, xylophone etc) so was somewhat surprised at it's actual meaning.

 

[Cory Swanson]

I say to the kids I teach when they get hung up on what dance costumes they're wearing, instead of the choreography: if your narrative requires a costume to tell your story then you've failed. So, in that regard fonts & colours are just dressing up. But they're normally there to make some point which (I believe) should be explored through the style of prose, not typesetting.

Let's stretch your analogy. What if, by restricting your thought on dance to movement alone, you miss a truly monumental innovation in dance that advances the form by leaps and bounds? Not that I'm claiming that I did that, but I think the 'mother lode' of creativity justifies a push back against 'standards.' Look at George Saunders and Jonathan Safran Foer. Christ, look at Van Gogh. He didn't listen to what a painting should be by what it had been in the past.

I do agree about the cats, though.

 

[Lumens]

What if, by restricting your thought on dance to movement alone, you miss a truly monumental innovation in dance that advances the form by leaps and bounds?

This is the one I am hoping to accidentally stumble upon somehow.

 

[TheDustyZebra]

I do, however, want to challenge everyone to expand their idea of what could constitute a story. I chose the format because I do think that things like recipies and advertisements can indeed tell stories. I felt that a lot could be inferred from the skeleton I gave, thus maximizing the potential of 75 words.

Do all stories need to have the same structure? I've always felt that artists should push at the edges of custom and acceptability. I've been purposely ignoring the stories until after I post so I don't end up sounding like any of the other writers. Not that they're bad, they're incredibly good in fact. I just want to sound different.

Not the same structure, no. People will generally tell you that you need a beginning, middle and end, but to meet what many (most?) people mean by "story" in this context, you simply need to evoke the sense that there was something that came before, and that there will be something that comes after, while you're telling the middle bit. You don't have room for "once upon a time" and "happily ever after" in 75 words -- although I'm sure we've had some that actually did that, in a fairy tale genre -- but it ought to be implied.

Even if you're doing a poster/announcement or a personals ad or a recipe, it can't just exist in a vacuum. What sort of problem is it aiming to solve? What happens if it's followed? Those should all be implied. I think the "what came before" is the bit that was lacking, for me, in your story -- ok, we're making slaw, but "because we have to eat" isn't a compelling reason. We always have to eat. I could make slaw without the Murphys and save myself a lot of hassle and a four-month trip in the escape pod. Why do I have to eat Murphys and risk all of that? What's my motivation?

This is not to say, by any means, that everyone will judge by these criteria -- there will be people who just enjoy the thing for what it is and vote for it, regardless. We all fall afoul of someone's list every month -- you simply cannot worry about most of them (avoid puns, don't write about cats, no horror, no humor, no homophones on the theme, don't mention the theme, the list is endless and apparently half of it belongs to Phyrebrat but that's neither here nor there), but the biggest thing that the most people are concerned with is that there should be a story. So *if winning is important* then consider that -- but the biggest overall reason we do these Challenges in the first place is to *challenge* ourselves and to expand our creativity and writing skills, and for that you should do what you like and what you feel is best, and forget all the rest. You meet the challenge by writing something.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

I do, however, want to challenge everyone to expand their idea of what could constitute a story. I chose the format because I do think that things like recipies and advertisements can indeed tell stories.

I agree that they can, but in the case of your entry I didn't feel that it did tell a story. It was a clever idea and I liked it, but like Phyrebrat I have rather strict criteria, although not the same ones. For instance, I look for something I can identify as a plot, because for me part of the challenge is fitting plot, characters, and evocative writing all into 75 words. That's not easy, as we all know, and if someone can do all that, then they are a strong contender for my vote. (However, there is some difference in what I look for in a challenge story and in a piece of flash fiction I came across in, say, a magazine.) In my opinion you tried to cram in too many ideas there at the end, and I became confused about what you were trying to do with it.

 

[Danny McG]

the list is endless and apparently half of it belongs to Phyrebrat but that's neither here nor there

 

[mosaix]

Not the same structure, no. People will generally tell you that you need a beginning, middle and end, but to meet what many (most?) people mean by "story" in this context, you simply need to evoke the sense that there was something that came before, and that there will be something that comes after, while you're telling the middle bit. You don't have room for "once upon a time" and "happily ever after" in 75 words -- although I'm sure we've had some that actually did that, in a fairy tale genre -- but it ought to be implied.

Even if you're doing a poster/announcement or a personals ad or a recipe, it can't just exist in a vacuum. What sort of problem is it aiming to solve? What happens if it's followed? Those should all be implied. I think the "what came before" is the bit that was lacking, for me, in your story -- ok, we're making slaw, but "because we have to eat" isn't a compelling reason. We always have to eat. I could make slaw without the Murphys and save myself a lot of hassle and a four-month trip in the escape pod. Why do I have to eat Murphys and risk all of that? What's my motivation?

This is not to say, by any means, that everyone will judge by these criteria -- there will be people who just enjoy the thing for what it is and vote for it, regardless. We all fall afoul of someone's list every month -- you simply cannot worry about most of them (avoid puns, don't write about cats, no horror, no humor, no homophones on the theme, don't mention the theme, the list is endless and apparently half of it belongs to Phyrebrat but that's neither here nor there), but the biggest thing that the most people are concerned with is that there should be a story. So *if winning is important* then consider that -- but the biggest overall reason we do these Challenges in the first place is to *challenge* ourselves and to expand our creativity and writing skills, and for that you should do what you like and what you feel is best, and forget all the rest. You meet the challenge by writing something.

Excellent post, TDZ. I resisted replying to it straight away because there was a lot to think about.

I too have a check list when it comes to voting, just like Phyrebrat. The reason is simple - because I want to be fair to everyone. Top three on the list are theme, genre and story. If I considered entries that didn't conform to these (and one or two others) then it would be unfair to those that had sweated blood to get theirs to conform within the 75 words - hard enough at the best of times.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Let's stretch your analogy. What if, by restricting your thought on dance to movement alone, you miss a truly monumental innovation in dance that advances the form by leaps and bounds? Not that I'm claiming that I did that, but I think the 'mother lode' of creativity justifies a push back against 'standards.' Look at George Saunders and Jonathan Safran Foer. Christ, look at Van Gogh. He didn't listen to what a painting should be by what it had been in the past.

I agree totally about pushing boundaries; mostly I find I'm saying this a lot when people are going on about hard and fast rules for writing. The point about costume in dance... let me clarify; the dance has to tell the dance; the costume enhances it. If the costume is needed to tell the dance, then it is often a fail - and certainly a fail when it comes to 12-18 year old students who are just starting their dance training with me. There are exceptions, I'm sure, (not least my own performance as a scarecrow on stilts for my Uni Solo!!), but unless you're a well-skilled practitioner (and students are neophytes) it's unnecessary; and whilst I hate the current way dance is taught and qualified in State Education, an examiner would say the same thing if marking the kids.

I do agree about the cats, though.

Well, that's good to hear

It seems my criteria for listing or not* has a few people on the defence so you're in good company

pH
*For the record I will never restrict an entry if it's horror**
**unless it's gorenographic

 

[TheDustyZebra]

*For the record I will never restrict an entry if it's horror

My story was quite a horror for the cat. And TJ.

 

[Cathbad]

My voting criteria:

1) Did it meet the theme/genre requirement?

2) Quality of writing.

3) Did I enjoy the story?

Oh yeah; and

4) Did it kill any cats? If it did, it's definitely out!

 

[Ursa major]

4) Did it kill any cats?

Mine may or may not -- we are talking Schrödinger here -- have involved the creation of a cat.

I can only assume that your vote for my story was equally affected by the Schrödinger effect.... (That had better be your excuse explanation!)

 

[Parson]

Simple rules for a simple man.

1. Does it fit the genre?
2. Does it fit the theme?
3. Is it a story? --- meaning it must have a beginning, a middle, and an end.
4. The first three reduce by however many I feel miss out, but the real separator between good work and vote.... "Is it memorable in a good way."

 

[Joshua Jones]

I would love some feedback on my story for last month. I think I know the biggest problem; it wasn't terribly original, and as great as the stories were in June, that is a fatal flaw. To be fair, I didn't see The Incredible Shrinking Man before writing the story, so I thought it was more original.

I wanted to see if there was anything else that I could improve on, as well as if my perception of this being a the main problem is accurate.

Thanks everyone!

Man and Beast

Holstering his spear, Charles entered the shelter after the others were safely inside. The tribe desperately needed respite, which the structure promised.

Fate decreed something else. Without warning, an enormous feline charged, swatting the metal lattice walls and injuring Frank. Charles drew his spear and joined the hasty schiltron.

As he dug the wooden point into the creature's paw, Charles marveled that the monster was formerly his pet. Perspectives change upon becoming 2 inches tall.

 

[The Judge]

For me, Joshua, the biggest problem was that it didn't quite hit the theme as I was defining it -- I was looking for things that went wrong because of c*ck-ups or stupid miscalculations or just because of a ridiculous twist of fate. Although there is a miscalculation in that the shelter isn't up to a cat's paw, it's not stupid, in that he couldn't know for sure until it was tested. I think, too, my definitions carry an inherent comedy in them, even if the outcome isn't comedic, and this was too serious to fit.

However, I'm not sure I'd have shortlisted it even if it had appeared in a different Challenge where I thought it fitted the theme. It isn't the most original of ideas, which doesn't help, but I wonder if there's something lacking, though I'm having a problem putting my finger on it. Perhaps because there's no clue as to why they are all so small? Perhaps because there's no sense of emotion? There's no fear or terror or tiredness or alarm, or anything really -- it's emotionally flat.

Certainly there are some aspects of it that I don't think work -- the use of "tribe" for instance, which has specific overtones which aren't fulfilled here, and naming Frank, when we've no idea who he is nor why we should care about him. I also don't like the use of "structure" and "metal lattice walls" which immediately signalled to me that you were trying to conceal what it actually was they were hiding inside, which meant you were trying for a twist finish to the story -- but then you don't tell us what it is, so it's effectively wasted words. (You can't rely on people reading the piece several times and thinking "D'oh! It's a sieve!" (or whatever) -- you have to spell it out first time round, and at the end if you want a twist ending.)

Actually, now looking at it in detail to my mind you've wasted a good many words eg "holstering his spear" (and spears aren't usually holstered), the "Fate decreed" sentence, "Without warning", "wooden point". None of these are necessary to carry the story forward nor do they give enough flavour or atmosphere to the whole. I imagine the spear is a toothpick, which could have given a real punch to the ending if used, but again it's lost as a plot point if it's not made obvious. By the way, I love "schiltron" but I'm not convinced it's the right term since if there's only one cat they surely don't need to defend simultaneously from several different directions.

Basically, it's a workmanlike story, but for me it lacked a spark which perhaps might have come if you'd pruned out the unnecessary words and given more atmosphere to it and/or more backstory.

 

[Joshua Jones]

For me, Joshua, the biggest problem was that it didn't quite hit the theme as I was defining it -- I was looking for things that went wrong because of c*ck-ups or stupid miscalculations or just because of a ridiculous twist of fate. Although there is a miscalculation in that the shelter isn't up to a cat's paw, it's not stupid, in that he couldn't know for sure until it was tested. I think, too, my definitions carry an inherent comedy in them, even if the outcome isn't comedic, and this was too serious to fit.

However, I'm not sure I'd have shortlisted it even if it had appeared in a different Challenge where I thought it fitted the theme. It isn't the most original of ideas, which doesn't help, but I wonder if there's something lacking, though I'm having a problem putting my finger on it. Perhaps because there's no clue as to why they are all so small? Perhaps because there's no sense of emotion? There's no fear or terror or tiredness or alarm, or anything really -- it's emotionally flat.

Certainly there are some aspects of it that I don't think work -- the use of "tribe" for instance, which has specific overtones which aren't fulfilled here, and naming Frank, when we've no idea who he is nor why we should care about him. I also don't like the use of "structure" and "metal lattice walls" which immediately signalled to me that you were trying to conceal what it actually was they were hiding inside, which meant you were trying for a twist finish to the story -- but then you don't tell us what it is, so it's effectively wasted words. (You can't rely on people reading the piece several times and thinking "D'oh! It's a sieve!" (or whatever) -- you have to spell it out first time round, and at the end if you want a twist ending.)

Actually, now looking at it in detail to my mind you've wasted a good many words eg "holstering his spear" (and spears aren't usually holstered), the "Fate decreed" sentence, "Without warning", "wooden point". None of these are necessary to carry the story forward nor do they give enough flavour or atmosphere to the whole. I imagine the spear is a toothpick, which could have given a real punch to the ending if used, but again it's lost as a plot point if it's not made obvious. By the way, I love "schiltron" but I'm not convinced it's the right term since if there's only one cat they surely don't need to defend simultaneously from several different directions.

Basically, it's a workmanlike story, but for me it lacked a spark which perhaps might have come if you'd pruned out the unnecessary words and given more atmosphere to it and/or more backstory.

Completely fair assessment; thank you for reviewing.

 

[holland]

I'd also love a brief feedback at least, if someone has time for it

Seems to me that I did hit the theme, but I still feel like something is missing that would've made it a little better.

---

No, the Universal Translator Device Doesn’t Exist in the Far Future, Shut Up!

Desŧepickéstiġozďravkočōlic, the only galactic interpreter who speaks the primary languages of all fifty planets that participated in the Seventh Milkomeda War, is waiting in his booth for the testimony of the surprise protected witness before the Galactic Tribunal for War Crimes.

Finally, a blurry figure appears on the screen and says only one word, the only word with a meaning in all fifty languages, and a different meaning in each of them:

“Kaätz.”

 

[The Judge]

You hit the theme as far as I'm concerned, holland, and I'm usually one of the most pernickity on that point. For me, though, it isn't anything that's missing which is the problem, but the fact you appear to have subordinated the story just to have a joky ending so as to join in with what others were doing by referencing a cat in the piece. I say "appear", since I'm not sure if the subordination was done deliberately for effect, or the issue simply didn't occur to you when you were writing. (Just to make clear I didn't mind the cats appearing, after all I put one in my own entry, but I made sure it was a part of the plot, not an add-on just for the sake of a joke, if that's what this was.)

The difference between it being a story and an in-joke is simply a matter of positioning. The final line is as important as the opening, so should be reserved for the pay-off of the story. By putting “Kaätz.” there you've made it a punchline, but it's actually not funny in itself. Looked at in isolation with no knowledge of the other entries or the discussion thread it would only provoke a kind of "What??" reaction, since it only makes sense as part of what was happening elsewhere.

For me, you had two better alternatives. The first, if you wanted to make it comedic, would be to find an inherently funny word, eg knickers, or one that's slightly naughty but still makes people laugh ie b*ll*cks, and put that at the end like a punchline to a joke. The second, if you wanted to join in with the cat not-theme, was to change where the word appeared in the story, in which case it would be a story, not simply a joke eg

Finally, a blurry figure appears on the screen. It speaks. “Kaätz.”
Desŧepickéstiġozďravkočōlic faints. One word. The only word with a meaning in all fifty languages, and a different meaning in each of them.​

It may well be my reaction is limited just to me, so is of no specific help to you here, but I thought I'd raise it just as a general point about the importance of the last line of a story generally and the difference that can be made by moving even one word around.