Ah, it was the bagels what did it, perhaps!
Discussion -- November 2011 Challenge
- Thread starter Culhwch
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Ok, just read over them, and have whittled them down; good luck everyone, very good entries, hard to choose. PS time's not up, still open to brides.
Should that be 'bribes'?
Are you allowed a bride where you live? (And would it be an example of the Bigamy Society if you were?)
Mosaix: It can't be "bribes" because they're not allowed....
I'll stick with brides then, and leave everyone guessing...
hopewrites
Crochet Streamer
oh can i be a bride? and can i be the bride of chocolate?
Karn Maeshalanadae
I'm a pineapple
Poll up and going, huh?
Let's see if I can read through the entries and remember them enough this month to make my decision. I've been feeling pretty sick for a while, and that's messed with my focus.
Let's see if I can read through the entries and remember them enough this month to make my decision. I've been feeling pretty sick for a while, and that's messed with my focus.
Okay, brides or no
, I had a read at all of the entries last night and this was my shortlist;
Hopewrites, nice poem, lyrical almost like a recited history
Hex, because I liked the blend of myth and real and the use of folklore
Paranoid Marvin; I've liked this one from the beginnning, the poem reads really well and its a nice take on a trad theme
Alchemist; this one really took my attention, and the love story at the centre is really well touched on; I took this as a sort of redemption in advance; to do nothing would have condemned him.
Moonbat; I liked all the voucher/special offer redemption takes, but this one stuck out in terms of the humour and the layout.
Mosaix; the ending surprised me, which I liked.
Anyway my short shortlist
Paranoid Marvin
Alchemist
Moonbat
and my vote went to
Alchemist.
Really enjoyed it, Alc, cheers, but as ever, incredibly hard to choose.
, I had a read at all of the entries last night and this was my shortlist; Hopewrites, nice poem, lyrical almost like a recited history
Hex, because I liked the blend of myth and real and the use of folklore
Paranoid Marvin; I've liked this one from the beginnning, the poem reads really well and its a nice take on a trad theme
Alchemist; this one really took my attention, and the love story at the centre is really well touched on; I took this as a sort of redemption in advance; to do nothing would have condemned him.
Moonbat; I liked all the voucher/special offer redemption takes, but this one stuck out in terms of the humour and the layout.
Mosaix; the ending surprised me, which I liked.
Anyway my short shortlist
Paranoid Marvin
Alchemist
Moonbat
and my vote went to
Alchemist.
Really enjoyed it, Alc, cheers, but as ever, incredibly hard to choose.
Thnk you muchly, springs. It's nice to get an early boost. Your bride will arrive in Belfast on the 2.15 bus. Please be aware she doesn't speak much English, but with modern technology, smartphones, speech recognition software etc, that shouldn't be much of a problem.
At least I logged on early enough this morning to see that short-lived "100%" next to my name. (Thanks, hopewrites!)
At least we know that HB won't be crayon over losing the lead....
There were some brilliant entries this month, including several stories I loved but didn't understand (since this isn't the place for critiques I won't list them, but I will say I was left feeling more than usually stupid). Redemption's a very big topic for 75 words, which made this month a lot of fun and a really challenging challenge.
So, I ended up with a shortlist of six stories that I loved and understood (mostly).
Short list:
The Spurring Platty -- All's Well, That -- I loved Platty's story -- so neat and so funny and what an amazing opener.
reiver33 -- The Lombards Of Gehenna -- reiver33 was just brilliant -- again (he (?) always is -- how is that even possible?).
Phyrebrat -- The RMS iceberg -- Phyrebrat's iceberg is genius -- it's perfect in its themes and the holiday tone makes me laugh every time I read it (how fantastic if icebergs really talked like that).
Abernovo -- Stepping up -- Abernovo's made the hair stand up on my arms -- again it was the tone that really worked for me -- it was so tragic and determined without being slushy (if that makes sense).
Chrispenycate -- I blame the parents -- I thought Chris' entry this month was great -- the last line especially, and this seemed to me to be a month that made killer last lines especially tricky.
mosaix -- A Question of Guilt -- talking of stunning last lines, there was mosaix's story which was so sinister. I loved the twist on (twisted) redemption.
It was really tough to decide. I had to read the entries several times before I voted. In the end I went for Chris' fantastic story of brothers (I think) and pixies. I loved the tone, I loved the topic and the take on redemption was brilliant.
Edited to add: thanks for the mention, Springs!
And: oh Ursa. Did you have to?
So, I ended up with a shortlist of six stories that I loved and understood (mostly).
Short list:
The Spurring Platty -- All's Well, That -- I loved Platty's story -- so neat and so funny and what an amazing opener.
reiver33 -- The Lombards Of Gehenna -- reiver33 was just brilliant -- again (he (?) always is -- how is that even possible?).
Phyrebrat -- The RMS iceberg -- Phyrebrat's iceberg is genius -- it's perfect in its themes and the holiday tone makes me laugh every time I read it (how fantastic if icebergs really talked like that).
Abernovo -- Stepping up -- Abernovo's made the hair stand up on my arms -- again it was the tone that really worked for me -- it was so tragic and determined without being slushy (if that makes sense).
Chrispenycate -- I blame the parents -- I thought Chris' entry this month was great -- the last line especially, and this seemed to me to be a month that made killer last lines especially tricky.
mosaix -- A Question of Guilt -- talking of stunning last lines, there was mosaix's story which was so sinister. I loved the twist on (twisted) redemption.
It was really tough to decide. I had to read the entries several times before I voted. In the end I went for Chris' fantastic story of brothers (I think) and pixies. I loved the tone, I loved the topic and the take on redemption was brilliant.
Edited to add: thanks for the mention, Springs!
And: oh Ursa. Did you have to?
Thanks for the mention, Hex.
Anne Martin
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I was tempted to vote for the usual suspects, but then I looked back through the entries, and found Tisiphone's Slave, which captured my fancy. Well done.
I voted for alchemist. I'm a sucker for tragic romantical stuff.
But... I also liked Chrispy's (though I don't understand the third line!), the ending's brill. HareBrain's. And SF's (I can't bear sad dog stories, they make me bawl!)
But... I also liked Chrispy's (though I don't understand the third line!), the ending's brill. HareBrain's. And SF's (I can't bear sad dog stories, they make me bawl!)
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Thanks for the short list Springs, you made my day!
Quokka gets my vote. Great story well presented
Quokka gets my vote. Great story well presented
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Well. Finish the big time absorber this month and straight back into the comments in a desperate attempt to catch up:
Doz – What looks like a flurry unicorn piece takes a turn to the dark side, when a difficult customer begins to demand something that obviously was not covered. It’s nice to see a story where the seller is the one caught out by the small print, or lack thereof.
Perp – Ho hum.
Stravaganti – (By gum his avatar is my tattoo) Oh wow, this one really wrong footed me. Very clever, it certainly led me in the wrong direction. I was sitting there reading it, and thought ah, another descent into hell... and suddenly got hit by the realisation it was something different indeed. Some excellent double meaning, good story.
N0ak – There was an almost realist beauty to this one, a love story without the slushy bits. But there is a lot more than that too, quite a lot unwritten, that does not need to be said thanks to the carefully chosen words of the story. By concentrating on the one moment in detail he cleverly manages to give us an greater story.
Grizzgreen711 – Another story with an epic feel. Some great word use too! The story could probably have had a few more words to really do it justice, but it is that last line that really does it justice. I don’t think there could be a greater truism. Everything is subjective, and one man’s condemnation is another’s redemption.
Chel – A good little tale that shows the consequences of war and it was nice to see someone coming face to face with acts of the past. A nice take on the theme, and not a redemption for killing, but the other side of a war. A good man, perhaps caught up in the aftermath of battle. At least he was capable of doing something for the child, rather than ignoring him.
Nixie – a simple story, but quite an effective one. A selfish man, written in the way that it seems has so few redeeming features is touched enough by the face of innocence to redeem himself. I really enjoyed the story, simply conveyed, but spot on perfect.
Alchemist – Ouch that last line is so powerful that it almost hurts, at the same time is catches so much, sacrifice, love and the feeling that perhaps the intent to redeem oneself is equal to the actual act. Really good, story, as I say one hell of a last line.
Boneman – Hmmm, I really liked this one. Once again the idea of sacrifice for another is strong. But it is one of those stories that I feel would have benefitted from a little more detail, (Obviously not possible in the 75 words). But in other ways that allows one’s imagination to fill in the missing bits and give a unique spin on the story for everyone. In all I believe by giving his fallen friends name in place of his own, the main character assures that he will be set free, condemning himself to more of the same.
TDZ – Another hmmm I think. I really like the idea of this story, or perhaps my idea of this story. A giant lizard – dinosaur(?) and a carnivorous one at that manages to give warning to the smaller creatures (mammals or smaller dinosaurs?) and in saving them condemns himself to the destruction of the coming ice age.
RSliwinski – I really get the feeling that many of us struggled this month, not so much with the theme, but with the challenge of squeezing the ideas we had into 75 words. I certainly struggled, and this feels the same. There is a good core to the story, but it just feels as though there should be more of it. When his request for help is denied the shaow knight loses his life but the child that so needed saving is saved.
Parson – Not at all what I was expecting from Parson – but then again why should I have expectations one way or another? But it was a wonderful poem. I loved the story behind it, and for any writer the ending had to be meaningful. The rhyming worked well, and the construction was just about perfect as far as I was concerned. Loved it.
PolarityMan – This one flummoxed me for a while. I could not really make head nor tail of it, which I hate because it makes writing the comments so much harder. But... the trick here is that the first builder is building the bridge for himself. There is no reason, but get the feeling that it is some kind of cathartic exercise; the main character needs to redeem himself for belittling the other builder, or his lack of understanding of what the builder is doing, but his understanding and his desire to build his own bridge is what brings redemption.
High Eight – Once more I find a tale that seems to be open ended, just the way I like ‘em. (Sometimes). A captain makes a mistake, and by not reporting what he dreams he dooms his whole ship. His redemption comes in the form of his facing the tidal wave face on, unable to escape. Is this a simple case of them all dying, but the captain gets it first, or more likely a sacrifice in order to save the crew he nearly damned.
Moonbat – Simple, straightforward and funny. The other side of redemption here, handing in a coupon, and of course it is what is written on the coupon that makes the story. However my ingrained curiosity want so know just what item was chosen and then what he did with it...
Mosaix – Another very clever story, but with a little difference in my gut feeling that the wizard has a very black soul, and needs a lot more redeeming than a bit of quick thinking. The poor axe man is only doing his job and finds his neck on the block quite literally for it. That wizard would make one hell of a slimy lawyer. Excellent story.
Cul – Simple, straightforward a classic Fantasy in 75 words. It really does amaze me just how much some people squeeze into 75 words. Here we have a full career squeezed into the story, with more besides. It gives enough to see this old man reflecting on his life and wondering just how he could have done the things he has done. It’s almost as though to redeem himself he must take on the man that corrupted him.
Stormfeather - This is the second one that caught me unawares. I’m not sure what I thought I was reading in the first place, but when the revelation came it made so much sense and worked so well it just had to make me read it again. And smile. Twice.
Tecdavid –A simple tale, but another excellent interpretation of the theme. A king’s duty as a ruler can sometime take command of their life, make them forget the little people. Perhaps even their loved ones, but at the core of what they are, the loved ones are just that, and anything that hurts them can only rebound and hurt the king himself. Almost a strong morality lesson. Excellent attempt
Ursa – This one I really had to bear with due to the conversation between two different people can be hard to follow without any names or point of reference – brilliant idea using bold to differentiate. All in all though, it was a great story, really liked the idea of someone arguing the toss with St. Peter, trying to find a loophole, and that particular person really should not have a chance of redemption... but it seemed in keeping for him to be smart enough to worm his way out... and the last line made me laugh.
TJ - This struck me as a classical epic, in some ways reminding me of the Ancient Mariner. It is a fantasy ghost story, of promises and sacrifice in the name of those promises. It is a complex piece, that bore reading a few times, but the more I read it, the more I appreciated it. It is an excellent story, to my thinking very different from the other attempts.
TEiN - A dark end to an auction, and I am sure that there are many people that feel that about e-bay anyway, so this alternate version is probably just another stone on the way to hell. I'm not sure whether the buyer knew what he was buying or whether the indulgence was something a little bit more than just a luxury. Either way, I enjoyed it, there is always something special to have a story with a Nick in it.
Doz – What looks like a flurry unicorn piece takes a turn to the dark side, when a difficult customer begins to demand something that obviously was not covered. It’s nice to see a story where the seller is the one caught out by the small print, or lack thereof.
Perp – Ho hum.
Stravaganti – (By gum his avatar is my tattoo) Oh wow, this one really wrong footed me. Very clever, it certainly led me in the wrong direction. I was sitting there reading it, and thought ah, another descent into hell... and suddenly got hit by the realisation it was something different indeed. Some excellent double meaning, good story.
N0ak – There was an almost realist beauty to this one, a love story without the slushy bits. But there is a lot more than that too, quite a lot unwritten, that does not need to be said thanks to the carefully chosen words of the story. By concentrating on the one moment in detail he cleverly manages to give us an greater story.
Grizzgreen711 – Another story with an epic feel. Some great word use too! The story could probably have had a few more words to really do it justice, but it is that last line that really does it justice. I don’t think there could be a greater truism. Everything is subjective, and one man’s condemnation is another’s redemption.
Chel – A good little tale that shows the consequences of war and it was nice to see someone coming face to face with acts of the past. A nice take on the theme, and not a redemption for killing, but the other side of a war. A good man, perhaps caught up in the aftermath of battle. At least he was capable of doing something for the child, rather than ignoring him.
Nixie – a simple story, but quite an effective one. A selfish man, written in the way that it seems has so few redeeming features is touched enough by the face of innocence to redeem himself. I really enjoyed the story, simply conveyed, but spot on perfect.
Alchemist – Ouch that last line is so powerful that it almost hurts, at the same time is catches so much, sacrifice, love and the feeling that perhaps the intent to redeem oneself is equal to the actual act. Really good, story, as I say one hell of a last line.
Boneman – Hmmm, I really liked this one. Once again the idea of sacrifice for another is strong. But it is one of those stories that I feel would have benefitted from a little more detail, (Obviously not possible in the 75 words). But in other ways that allows one’s imagination to fill in the missing bits and give a unique spin on the story for everyone. In all I believe by giving his fallen friends name in place of his own, the main character assures that he will be set free, condemning himself to more of the same.
TDZ – Another hmmm I think. I really like the idea of this story, or perhaps my idea of this story. A giant lizard – dinosaur(?) and a carnivorous one at that manages to give warning to the smaller creatures (mammals or smaller dinosaurs?) and in saving them condemns himself to the destruction of the coming ice age.
RSliwinski – I really get the feeling that many of us struggled this month, not so much with the theme, but with the challenge of squeezing the ideas we had into 75 words. I certainly struggled, and this feels the same. There is a good core to the story, but it just feels as though there should be more of it. When his request for help is denied the shaow knight loses his life but the child that so needed saving is saved.
Parson – Not at all what I was expecting from Parson – but then again why should I have expectations one way or another? But it was a wonderful poem. I loved the story behind it, and for any writer the ending had to be meaningful. The rhyming worked well, and the construction was just about perfect as far as I was concerned. Loved it.
PolarityMan – This one flummoxed me for a while. I could not really make head nor tail of it, which I hate because it makes writing the comments so much harder. But... the trick here is that the first builder is building the bridge for himself. There is no reason, but get the feeling that it is some kind of cathartic exercise; the main character needs to redeem himself for belittling the other builder, or his lack of understanding of what the builder is doing, but his understanding and his desire to build his own bridge is what brings redemption.
High Eight – Once more I find a tale that seems to be open ended, just the way I like ‘em. (Sometimes). A captain makes a mistake, and by not reporting what he dreams he dooms his whole ship. His redemption comes in the form of his facing the tidal wave face on, unable to escape. Is this a simple case of them all dying, but the captain gets it first, or more likely a sacrifice in order to save the crew he nearly damned.
Moonbat – Simple, straightforward and funny. The other side of redemption here, handing in a coupon, and of course it is what is written on the coupon that makes the story. However my ingrained curiosity want so know just what item was chosen and then what he did with it...
Mosaix – Another very clever story, but with a little difference in my gut feeling that the wizard has a very black soul, and needs a lot more redeeming than a bit of quick thinking. The poor axe man is only doing his job and finds his neck on the block quite literally for it. That wizard would make one hell of a slimy lawyer. Excellent story.
Cul – Simple, straightforward a classic Fantasy in 75 words. It really does amaze me just how much some people squeeze into 75 words. Here we have a full career squeezed into the story, with more besides. It gives enough to see this old man reflecting on his life and wondering just how he could have done the things he has done. It’s almost as though to redeem himself he must take on the man that corrupted him.
Stormfeather - This is the second one that caught me unawares. I’m not sure what I thought I was reading in the first place, but when the revelation came it made so much sense and worked so well it just had to make me read it again. And smile. Twice.
Tecdavid –A simple tale, but another excellent interpretation of the theme. A king’s duty as a ruler can sometime take command of their life, make them forget the little people. Perhaps even their loved ones, but at the core of what they are, the loved ones are just that, and anything that hurts them can only rebound and hurt the king himself. Almost a strong morality lesson. Excellent attempt
Ursa – This one I really had to bear with due to the conversation between two different people can be hard to follow without any names or point of reference – brilliant idea using bold to differentiate. All in all though, it was a great story, really liked the idea of someone arguing the toss with St. Peter, trying to find a loophole, and that particular person really should not have a chance of redemption... but it seemed in keeping for him to be smart enough to worm his way out... and the last line made me laugh.
TJ - This struck me as a classical epic, in some ways reminding me of the Ancient Mariner. It is a fantasy ghost story, of promises and sacrifice in the name of those promises. It is a complex piece, that bore reading a few times, but the more I read it, the more I appreciated it. It is an excellent story, to my thinking very different from the other attempts.
TEiN - A dark end to an auction, and I am sure that there are many people that feel that about e-bay anyway, so this alternate version is probably just another stone on the way to hell. I'm not sure whether the buyer knew what he was buying or whether the indulgence was something a little bit more than just a luxury. Either way, I enjoyed it, there is always something special to have a story with a Nick in it.
This month (or, to be honest, tonight) I enjoyed stories by, amongst others...
Phyrebrat
springs1971
n0ak
TDZ
PolarityMan
But the shortlist comprised...
chrispenycate
Parson
mosaix
And the winner is...
mosaix
(and big thankees for the vote, Mouse)
Phyrebrat
springs1971
n0ak
TDZ
PolarityMan
But the shortlist comprised...
chrispenycate
Parson
mosaix
And the winner is...
mosaix
(and big thankees for the vote, Mouse)
Many thanks for the vote, Tecdavid.
I tried a few things, including simulating indents and using different font sizes. As it happens, Peter's dialogue was in Franklin Gothic Medium (size 3), not Verdana (bold, size 2). Seems I could have saved myself the extra bother.
Thanks.
Mission.accomplished.
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