The layout didn't quite work, Luiglin, as there are no spaces between the paragraphs (as we prefer here**). If you can change it from your phone, you still have the best part of an hour to edit that post.
This isn't a big deal: in 75 words, it's usually easy to follow text like this (as is the case with the entries before and after yours). However, because you're using a lot of capital letters, it makes yours slightly harder to read (at least for me). But if you can live with this, that's fine. (And it won't stop me from considering your story when it's time to vote for the best entry.)
** - For those new to the Chrons, the software doesn't allow spaces to be placed at the beginning of a paragraph, and so we compensate by putting a blank line between paragraphs in places like Critiques. (Omitting these blank lines isn't against any rule, by the way, so no need to worry.)