Grammar checker rant

[Parson]

Every job has its jargon. But since I've been writing sermons and taking exegetical notes for twenty plus years now. Seldom do I get the squiggle that used to dominate my papers.

 

[David Evil Overlord]

You can't have spaghetti bolognese. Word insists on you capitalise Bolognese, even if the spaghetti that goes with it is lower case uncapitalised.

And neanderthal must be capitalised. Really? So every time I write the word "human" I should capitalise that, too?

And please do not try this at home -- any more. No matter how you try to word it, "any more" must be anymore.

Word is a four-letter word.

 

[Jennifer Cthulus]

And please do not try this at home -- any more. No matter how you try to word it, "any more" must be anymore.

Heh. My international English spellcheck refuses to accept "anymore" as a single word. Firefox is underlining it in red as I type this. Must be a US English thing.

 

[Vertigo]

You can't have spaghetti bolognese. Word insists on you capitalise Bolognese, even if the spaghetti that goes with it is lower case uncapitalised.

And neanderthal must be capitalised. Really? So every time I write the word "human" I should capitalise that, too?

And please do not try this at home -- any more. No matter how you try to word it, "any more" must be anymore.

Word is a four-letter word.

On the 'anymore' front take a look at this: http://alt-usage-english.org/anymore.html

On the captialising human thing I was thingking about this recently and it seems to me the SF world has a little trouble with consistency here. If we ever expand out into the stars and meet another intelligent race lets say the Grams from the planet Ergat then are humans and our empire:

1. humans and the Human Empire
2. Humans and the Human Empire
3. Earthmen and the Earth Empire
4. Terrans and the Terran Empire
5. mankind and the Empire of Man
6. Mankind and the Empire of Man

and are the Grams:
1. Grams and the Gram Empire
2. grams and the Gram Empire
3. Ergatans and the Ergatan Empire
4. And...

How come in SF only we seem to have multiple names for ourselves, whilst aliens always have to put up with just one name usually based on the name of their planet. Certainly we always seem to capitalise the aliens name but not our own (if we use human or mankind).

 

[Erin99]

My Word is set to British English, but it ALWAYS tries to get me to write "anymore".

--------------------------------------

Great thread, btw!

It took me a long time before I felt confident enough to remove the grammar checker (before that I'd just switched off *some* of the options, like punctuation and passive voice and fragments and such). I'm a serial fragmenter, which doesn't go down well in Word. I'm also a lover of semicolons, and in my recent short story I've taken to using comma splices for effect, too, which Word HATES... Oh! and Word always highlights parts *aren't* passive, which annoys me no end! So I only keep the spell checker on now...

However, out of curiosity I switched it on to see what it would say about three of the stories I'm working on:



She flopped onto the couch = She flipped onto the couch [Very acrobatic!]

He notched an arrow into his bow, contemplating whether he could loose it into the man’s head from this distance. = He notched an arrow into his bow, contemplating whether he could lose it into the man’s head from this distance.

...and wore an umber helmet = ...and wore a number helmet

The village was neither alive nor dead – it lingered ghostlike, its glorious past long gone, its future stillborn. = The village was neither alive nor dead – it lingered ghostlike, it's glorious past long gone, its future stillborn.

He’d bet his whole damn = He’d bet his completely damn

It was a gaze he’d seen in the animals he hunted... = He'd seen a gaze in the animals he hunted...

Praying it didn’t have water damage, she flicked the screen to life... = Praying it didn’t have water damage; she flicked the screen to life...

The man lay ahead, his gaze to the sky = The man laid ahead, his gaze to the sky

She closed her eyes, let her limbs and head rest, though with... = She closed her eyes, let her limbs and headrest, though with...

...richly detailed and gleaming. = ...richly detailed and gleaming do.

They’ll find out you lied, and then... = They’ll find out you laid, and then...

‘I don’t underst—’= ‘I don’t undress—’

The pipe ended to much applause. = The pipe ended too much applause. [I might add the comma in since I've been debating it, although I preferred the flow without...]

 

[Boneman]

Leisha, I think your computer is obsessed with sex! Hi to you both, hope things are okay for you.

Every time I say "he felt for all the world like a complete idiot"
I get "he felt for the entire world like a complete idiot"
"The splash was enormous. Which gave me an idea" became
"The splash was enormous. Which gave me an idea?"

Hah! It can't even agree with itself!! "looking as though they'd laid down to sleep" became "looking as though they'd lay down to sleep", but when I accepted it, it then came up with "looking as though they'd lie down to sleep"... machines and logic, eh?

 

[chrispenycate]

Look. they make programs for Macs to make them simulate PCs, right? { Starts sentence with a conjunction.}And Mac simulators for Windows? What I have gathered from this thread is that the world needs a universal binary Chrispy simulator, with a strong desire to leave people's words as close to what they hear as possible, a homophone detector and a repunctuation gizmo. Preferably incorporating the atrocious sense of humour{Fragment}.

After all I'm about the simplest. most straightforward software existing to run on a human brain, so it would be a worthwhile exercise.

Turing test?{Fragment} I doubt whether I'd pass it. { Starts sentence with a conjunction.}And with the touring test, I'd get the written exam, and doubtless the oral. Just creaking a bit too much for the practical{ Fragment}.

 

[Ursa major]

...and in my recent short story I've taken to using comma splices for effect, too, which Word HATES...

So Word isn't completely useless, then?

Hah! It can't even agree with itself!! "looking as though they'd laid down to sleep" became "looking as though they'd lay down to sleep", but when I accepted it, it then came up with "looking as though they'd lie down to sleep"... machines and logic, eh?

Shouldn't this be:

looking as though they'd lain down to sleep

Laid is the past participle of the verb, to lay = 'deposit' or 'place in recumbent posture', as in 'he lays the book on the desk', or 'he laid the book on the desk', or 'he had laid the book on the desk'.

Lain is the past participle of the verb, to lie = '(Of person or animal) have one's body in more or less horizontal position along ground or surface', hence 'I lie on the ground', 'I have lain on the ground', 'I lay on the ground', or 'I had lain on the ground'.

It seems to me that the 'they' in your sentence had not, at some point in the past, decided to lay something on the ground, but had decided to lie on the ground, in order to get some sleep.

 

[David Evil Overlord]

Just had my teenage superhero thinking, "I was shaking so much, I could have whipped cream with my bare hands."*

Word insists the comma should be replaced with a semicolon. "I was shaking so much; I could have whipped cream with my bare hands."

Leisha, I have also had adventures with Word insisting my teenage super hero shouldn't have lied her way out of trouble, she should have laid her way out of trouble. Honestly, why does Word think she's that kind of girl?

*No, that's not one of her powers.

 

[Boneman]

Look. they make programs for Macs to make them simulate PCs, right? { Starts sentence with a conjunction.}And Mac simulators for Windows? What I have gathered from this thread is that the world needs a universal binary Chrispy simulator, with a strong desire to leave people's words as close to what they hear as possible, a homophone detector and a repunctuation gizmo. Preferably incorporating the atrocious sense of humour{Fragment}.

After all I'm about the simplest. most straightforward software existing to run on a human brain, so it would be a worthwhile exercise.

Turing test?{Fragment} I doubt whether I'd pass it. { Starts sentence with a conjunction.}And with the touring test, I'd get the written exam, and doubtless the oral. Just creaking a bit too much for the practical{ Fragment}.

Perfect!! I laughed out loud at this, and forwarded it to Microsoft...

So Word isn't completely useless, then?


Shouldn't this be:


Laid is the past participle of the verb, to lay = 'deposit' or 'place in recumbent posture', as in 'he lays the book on the desk', or 'he laid the book on the desk', or 'he had laid the book on the desk'.

Lain is the past participle of the verb, to lie = '(Of person or animal) have one's body in more or less horizontal position along ground or surface', hence 'I lie on the ground', 'I have lain on the ground', 'I lay on the ground', or 'I had lain on the ground'.

It seems to me that the 'they' in your sentence had not, at some point in the past, decided to lay something on the ground, but had decided to lie on the ground, in order to get some sleep.

But they were all dead by the time my hero sees them. What's a past participle...?

 

[Ursa major]

Are you suggesting that after they lay down, someone else laid them to rest...?

 

[Boneman]

Possibly... they've been dead five centuries, so the post-mortem is inconclusive...

 

[Ursa major]

Let's hope they're not cut up about that.









(By the way, I hope you're not lying about any of this. )

 

[Boneman]

Lieing? Moi? Nope, I was editing, and came across the red underlining, which I'd previously ignored... it's quite a pivotal scene, as well!

 

[Mouse]

My grammar checker told me I can't use 'pretty blonde girls.' Apparently I have to use 'blonde girls.'

 

[The Judge]

Tautology. "Pretty" and "blonde" are clearly synonyms...

 

[Mouse]

Ha! Well, I disagree with my grammar checker. Prefer brunettes.

 

[Parson]

Of course you couldn't use "pretty blonde girls," that would be a cliche.

(My daughter and grand daughters are all blond.)


---------

I'm writing these in my sermon outline for tomorrow:

1. Optimism is the conviction that something will turn out good.
2. Christian hope is the certainty that something makes sense no matter how it turns out.
(-Vaclav Havel, dissident, playwright and former President of the Czech Republic.)

My question concerns #1, I am not sure how that sentence should end, good or well. I suspicion that well is more appropriate, but good sounds better. My grammar checker accepts both of them which I somehow doubt to be true.

 

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

I've been threatening for some time to disable the Word grammar checker because it's forever winding me up telling me my "it's" should be "its" when I know I've got it right, and it's always flagging "-self" as wrong -- so the sentence "And then to find herself betrayed by him" should read "... find her betrayed" which really makes sense. Not.

Since my partner is getting fed up of me bitching about it, I thought I'd start a thread and every time it upsets me I can moan here. So, for today, apparently... should read "Towan were besieged" because "The verb of the sentence must agree with the subject in number." Well, Mr Clever-Clogs Word, it flaming well does, because Towan is a person and there's only one of him.


And the spell checker has decided to give me gyp, too. The fact that a hall in the castle is very long, and hence has been given the remarkable title of the Long Hall, means that Word keeps squiggly-underlining it and telling me it should read "Long Haul"... (which it damn well will be if it keeps trying to correct things which are right )


Other spelling/grammar incorrect-correction grumbles welcome.

Word strikes again. Not that Works is really any better in the checker department. Well, actually, it is, at least with my style because I keep adding crap to its dictionary. And for some reason Works 9 doesn't seem to have a grammar check. For which I am eternally thankful; I hated that about Word 97 and it wasn't very funny to see those annoying green squigglies all over my work.


Sometimes I like autocorrect-mistakes during typing ARE made from time to time. But yes, it does only get in the way most of the time. Especially with character names; you would have no idea how many times it autocorrected "Firsy" into "First" for me. That character was anything but, bumbling mage he was....

 

[Mouse]

I'm writing these in my sermon outline for tomorrow:

1. Optimism is the conviction that something will turn out good.
2. Christian hope is the certainty that something makes sense no matter how it turns out.
(-Vaclav Havel, dissident, playwright and former President of the Czech Republic.)

My question concerns #1, I am not sure how that sentence should end, good or well. I suspicion that well is more appropriate, but good sounds better. My grammar checker accepts both of them which I somehow doubt to be true.

See, I'd say 'all right in the end' but both 'good' and 'well' work for me too. Can't tell you whether it's grammatically correct or not though.