Discussion -- 75 Word Challenge -- June

[Warren_Paul]

Been a bit quiet around the boards, but when the idea for this month fell into place for me, I had to sneak in and post my entry.

Good luck everyone, great theme.

 

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

*Rubs cheek* That slap almost rearranged my facial structure, such as it is for a watery being.


All things aside, though, if I had not been a dope by not saving the original, you guys would have seen how the quality had gone down with that particular piece. Speaking objectively.


My better pieces were my SEAL mission entry and the sniper angel entry, at least in this year.

 

[David Evil Overlord]

*Rubs cheek* That slap almost rearranged my facial structure, such as it is for a watery being.


All things aside, though, if I had not been a dope by not saving the original, you guys would have seen how the quality had gone down with that particular piece. Speaking objectively.


My better pieces were my SEAL mission entry and the sniper angel entry, at least in this year.

Thanks, Karn. You've given me a funny idea for a shapeshifter getting his face slapped.

Seriously, editing should only be done to improve the story, or to stay within the seventy-five or three-hundred word limit. And always save a copy of the earlier version. In case you delete the wrong bits...

 

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

The thing is, I HAD to edit it to keep it within the 75. It was originally 418 words.


And my little thing on here since I joined, was that I am supposed to be a water elemental, because of how often I like to change my avatar, shapeshifting abilities explained it well for role play purposes, and the idea of controlling the weather is cool.

 

[David Evil Overlord]

Slapping a water elemental is probably a good way to fall in and drown.

Now, a beer elemental...

 

[Vertigo]

Thanks for the comments Phoenix!

 

[Luiglin]

Slapping a water elemental is probably a good way to fall in and drown.

Now, a beer elemental...

... you'd still fall in and drown but with a smile on your face.

 

[Ursa major]

As with all attempts at slapping, with beer elementals you should avoid hitting the head.

 

[Perpetual Man]

Vertigo – Quite an interesting one this, scary too. To think that a society could see that everyone was guilty of something and act upon it is rather perturbing. Someone mentioned the Matrix, but I loved the little tip of the hat (I presume so) to 1984. Great story.

MB – There were multiple cases of innocence here, the judgement on the man himself, the young girl’s innocence in what was happening, and perhaps the best of all the innocence of a machine that can be so easily switched from deadly to harmless. A flick of a switch.

Chris – They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, can the same be said of innocence I wonder. I mean there is no way such cuddly, beautiful little creatures could be any threat to anyone. I mean really? But then looks can be so misleading....

High Eight - A nice inverted tale where we get to see some traditional fantasy from a different perspective. Orcs and humans, but here it is the Orcs that are the victims not the aggressors which means the humans are seen in a darker light, deliberately de-humanising(?) their victims to make their slaughter more palatable. Clever idea, well presented.

Welsh Andy - This one is another one where the perspective is twisted where it seems like one thing but is in fact another. The soldier talking to the kid seems to be a caring sort, doing his best to re-unite the child with his parents, but the killer is the apparent truth that the reunification is to be something a lot darker and nastier than it originally appeared.

TSP - Yet another excellent story in a month of excellent stories (as always). There is a dark line of humour running through this one - at least it made me smile- but at the same time and the really clever thing is the horror that goes with it. Lambs and wolves, you know the outcome. Only you don't, especially when you realise that not only have the wolves been killed but they are being eaten. By the lambs. What a loss of innocence.

mosaix - an alien visitor who stumbles onto a drunk cowboy. A great idea, well executed, and see advantage being taken by a drunk. This is one of those scenes where it is even funnier when you see it in your head. I could just imagine it as a sketch or a show. Very visual. Very clever. Very good.

Warren Paul - This is one of those stories where you feel that there is so much more beneath the surface, that it is something that leads you where the imagination will. Perhaps someone who fled, but not too far, tried to start a new life, a life of simplicity and bliss. But the old life would not leave him behind, came after him and forced him to give up all he had desired?

Up to date (for a little while) so now to concentrate on mine. I'm just about ready to post but something is bugging me a little, not quite sure what.

 

[Perpetual Man]

And it's done and up!

 

[Vertigo]

Nice one Perp! Like it!

And thanks for the complimentary review. And you are quite right that was the inspiration. Bit worrying really that the theme of innocence should make me think about that book

 

[mosaix]

I never cease to be amazed, Perp, by your ability to see some quality in every piece - especially mine. Again, thanks.

 

[stevietee]

Allow me to return a favour Perp:

Perpetual Man: A quite exhilarating take on the Arthurian Legend in 75 words. Presumably told from Merlin's perspective, who is saddened by foreknowledge that the noble innocence of the once and future king will ultimately bring about his downfall.
The use of the french "Est ce libre", referring to the sword being pulled free, and then being twisted to give the Name "Excalibur" is very clever. Gave me goosebumps. Excellent

 

[MemoryTale]

I like Perp's entry, but my French is dire. Does the phrase mean "it is free"?

 

[Perpetual Man]

mosaix and Vertigo, it's great to be back doing the comments. As I type Zach is half asleep on my lap, possibly doing something very nasty for me to deal with. But he is a good little chap and I have time to do the comments again.

stevie many thanks for the review it's always fun to see othe peoples comments on my work come in.

MT - your French is spot on.

mosaix - your words could be awfully close to slap country...

 

[TomS]

Love the story, Perp. Clever and fun.

 

[Perpetual Man]

Thanks Tom

 

[alchemist]

Getting closer to the deadline concentrates the mind.

Guess what film I saw last week

 

[Appello]

Popped my posting cherry on this challenge! Been lurking for a while but when I saw the theme I couldn't resist signing up. Wasn't too painful, surprisingly

I love this forum and the people that post in it - it's a wonderful creative resource. Reading other people's interpretations is great, and I hope someone out there likes mine.

 

[Bowler1]

A good way to pop your cherry Appello and a nice post. Welcome.