Discussion -- 300 Word Challenge #8

[Starbeast]

Interesting. Joining those who perished is not where I was going, but it is just as satisfying an interperetation as my original intent.

There was a familiarity about your tale, perhaps I gravitated too closely to what I have read long ago. Good story, but I'm sure you had to edit a great deal of the original tale that you've created. Deleting just enough words that my imagination carved a slighty different perspective.


Monsterchic - A fantastic creature roams the sea, narrating it's life and intentions of endangering the lives of seafarers, has an unexpected encounter. Marvelous, it made me think of those ancient drawings on maps of strange beasts that inhabit the mighty oceans.

Chrispenycate - Wow, this is quite an engaging poetic tale you've weaved, excellently written. No need to be apologetic from your early post, you painted a great story about surviving the impending climate changes that we are facing in reality. Amazing and scary, you took my breath away.

Johnnyjet - Maria, lovely and curious finds a mysterious wreck on the shore, left there by a storm, as she tries to understand it's tragic origin, the remains suddenly come to life! Wonderfully narrated story which held my interest into the beyond with it's surprising ending.

TheDustyZebra - A sad romantic tragedy of two people supernaturally separated, and unable to love one another. You described it so well and with such sincerity, I felt misty after I read your superb drama. Keep up this good writing and you will succeed at bringing tears to my face.

 

[Perpetual Man]

A few entries slipped in over the weekend, so I've got to catch up now...

monsterchic –I enjoyed the flipped perspective of this one, rather than seeing it from the survivors, or the land based, we see it from the sea, and from the sirens of the deep no less. It is well written giving an almost sympathetic view of the creatures. Lonely, searching for love, taking those sailors for companions perhaps. There is still something terrible though in a creature that would wreck a ship just to gain a partner or two; and this is borne out as the story cleverly turns, perhaps in the way that the creatures are viewed themselves, beautiful until they open their mouths. It seems that their love is for food. It also appears that there are those that are immune to their charms, and this hunt will be their last.... Really well told, with a solid flow of words, that encapsulates the story perfectly.

Chris – There is something chillingly topical in this offering. After the better part of a year of rain and flooding, looking out the window as still the precipitation falls, it is easy to imagine a future as depicted here. The parallels with another ark are well drawn and there are some spot on observations, the one that stuck with me most being the obvious fact that we have become conditioned on waiting for help rather than helping ourselves in such a dire situation. The story worked well, mixing rhyme with prose, even though it painted a grim scene, but the fact that, against all the odds, our sailors survived gives the faintest glimmer of hope.

Johnnyjet – The description here is just beautiful, from the girls dress to the actual bones, while the sense of wonder and mystery is deftly conveyed to the reader. It really had me wondering at just what the wreck was, and what the girl would find. At the same time there was the clever little details, that added to the story immeasurably – the chips of bones on the beach and the references to ancestors being but one. The finale was unforeseen, but epic. Actually seeing something rising from beneath the sands all skeletal and broken was good enough, but the decision to refer to it as ‘it’, rendering it as something more than normal life, just made it all the more spectacular otherworldly. Without ever knowing just what the creature would be left the story open to the imagination, making sure it lived on once reading ended.

 

[Starbeast]

Summer013 - Surreal in a greyish world in need of color from an artist who has lost the paint to change everything it seems. Very unique and unusual tale you have created.

Nixie - Mysterious forces are at work which are not unlike the paranormal legend of the Bermuda Triangle, or the equally bizarre area of Lake Michigan that has caused many ships to sink, or disappear without a trace. Nicely Executed.

Alchemist - A strange lighthouse has secrets that bring fear to the locals, even I was spooked by this weird tale which was investigated. But the answer to the mystery was as shocking as an episode of, The Twilight Zone. Well done.

Crystal Haven - Exceptional story that kept me in the dark all the way until the end. A fantastic revelation that floored me! It was completely unexpected and thrilled me at it's finish. Awesome.

Phyrebrat - A tale of a phantom carnival, very cool. The eerie melody of the calliope beckons the dead spirits to return, and perform in front of a living audience. Creepy and absolutely hauntingly cool.

 

[crystal haven]

Thank you for the lovely review, Starbeast.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Thanks Starbeast, It's nice to read your comments

pH

 

[nixie]

Thank you SB, even when I've managed to use the wrong word you've found something positive

 

[Perpetual Man]

Sorry to those that were next in line for comments from myself. Work suddenly turned crazy which meant my tea-break (when I normally do them) became 'what tea-break?' and consequently none of the important stuff - like comments - got done.

Hopefully I might try to do one or two tonight.

 

[TheDustyZebra]

Forget the comments, the tea-break is the important thing! I'm next in line, and I would never dream of standing between a man and his tea.

 

[monsterchic]

Thanks for the comments! Encouraging

 

[Perpetual Man]

Forget the comments, the tea-break is the important thing! I'm next in line, and I would never dream of standing between a man and his tea.

Well there is that I suppose. But then tea and typing seems to go together. I sit and think about the stories as I dunk my shorties...

Just not today.

And possibly tomorrow

 

[nixie]

Would be sacrilege to stand between a man and his teabreak

 

[summer013]

Hi Starbeast, thanks for the review!

 

[Perpetual Man]

TDZ – It’s a convenience to find that time is short and that you have a valid excuse to not write comments when you come across a story like this, something that hits in such a way that you do not know what to think about it – in the best possible way. A story that is not just well written, but does something different, is intelligent and can probably be seen and understood in more than one way. For me the story is a lost love story, a mirror image seen from both sides of the mirror. A woman walks the shores of the sea reaching for the man that drowned there, a sailor whose only embrace is now that of the water; while the ghost walks the other side mourning his life and the love he left there. Two people forever kept apart by the sea. Heartbreaking, clever and hauntingly beautiful.

Summer013 – A strangely different tale that is so rich in detail and depth that it is like it has a colour all to itself, which is of course the irony in a story that is presented without using hue only shades of grey. The description was exemplary throughout and gave a really vivid image. The story itself was a wonderful one, almost as though it intermixed magic with colour, the loss of one going hand in hand with the other. The story was an original one with a superb idea that was well presented with some wonderful word usage and a great payoff. You can really feel the colour missing from the tale, the sense of loss that it brings and the tragedy of that loss, not just to the individual whoe seems to have lost it, but to the wider world.

Nixie – One great idea that is a pure timey-wimey type adventure romp. The actual idea in itself might be taken a s a clear cut simple one – a ship goes missing at sea, somehow gets unstuck in time, and it’s wreck, washed ashore is as much a mystery as what happened to the ship they are looking for. But as always it is the way the story s told that adds something more to the tale, a casual geniality that makes it amiable and enjoyable in a way that some people might not be able to achieve. It is like meeting with a friend and enjoying the conversation because it is so relaxed, and to be able to write like that is a talent in itself.

 

[summer013]

Thanks for the comments Perpetual Man, lovely way to end the evening

 

[Perpetual Man]

My pleasure!

 

[TheDustyZebra]

TDZ – It’s a convenience to find that time is short and that you have a valid excuse to not write comments when you come across a story like this, something that hits in such a way that you do not know what to think about it – in the best possible way. A story that is not just well written, but does something different, is intelligent and can probably be seen and understood in more than one way. For me the story is a lost love story, a mirror image seen from both sides of the mirror. A woman walks the shores of the sea reaching for the man that drowned there, a sailor whose only embrace is now that of the water; while the ghost walks the other side mourning his life and the love he left there. Two people forever kept apart by the sea. Heartbreaking, clever and hauntingly beautiful.

Boy, am I glad you got that tea break! Everything seems so lovely as long as you have tea. Thank you, and I'll just go off and blush in the corner now.

 

[Perpetual Man]

I calls 'em as I sees 'em TDZ...

Alc – It’s amazing the lengths that some people will go to, to fit in, or to perhaps not back out of a dare. The fear of failing and being mocked by your peers might be the motivation needed to carry on through with, something that it might be better off not doing. There is also the feeling of that retrospect moment, when you realise just why the Lighthouse had remained such a place of legend. In some ways the story reminded me of a classic short story, with a twist ending, and I think this was one of the things that I enjoyed most about it. It would have worked in any number of formats, from comic strip to TV, and most obviously prose, as our protagonist realises he has fallen into the same trap as his predecessor. I particularly liked the way the feeling of trapped was emphasised in the way the older man let it be known that there is no escape, and the fact he wishes the other luck seems to diminish hope further.

Crystal – And talking of being trapped... I really liked the feeling here, the way more is revealed each time you read a new sentence. At first it seems that we have a simple romance, someone asking their love to marry them, but it twists and you realise that it is a captive and captor, that her freedom can only come by accepting his demands, but then there is the further twist into how much a prisoner she is, then the cracking of the glass. By the time sand is creeping in I was at a loss and had no idea where the story was going, which made it all the more enjoyable. The conclusion is totally in keeping with the rest of the story without detracting from it in any way. Great idea with a great execution.

PB – There is the feeling of a ghostly, ephemeral existence, almost taking the story into legend and myth territory, of a phantom carnival that plays on the edge of reality. It is more than that, possibly a real one that has been caught up in a disaster, damning those there to become ghosts, memories of another time, including the protagonist, lured away by the siren call of the show, trapped forever with his memories, looking back just as his mother wishes he will return, he wishes to return. But for me, the high point of the tale was the description of the carnival itself. The four lines that tell the tragedy of the real sideshow and those who filled it, those that return time and again, those four lines are near perfect, giving life to the dead and filling the mind with images in a way that is both wonderful and terrible.

 

[Bowler1]

Is it worrying that I've found Hex's new 300 word funny. The 75 had a similiar spin this month and I liked it.

The late posts are coming in, all well polished I've no doubt. I can't do that, I get too excited and pop mine up early.

 

[ratsy]

Is it worrying that I've found Hex's new 300 word funny. The 75 had a similiar spin this month and I liked it.

The late posts are coming in, all well polished I've no doubt. I can't do that, I get too excited and pop mine up early.

I found it funny too, I hope that was the point! Well done Hex.

Don't worry Bowler, I am with you on the early posting all the time.

I liked this month, a lot of great stories I can see as larger than the 300 words they were put down with.

 

[nixie]

Woo woo thanks Pep...