Discussion -- 300 Word Challenge #10

[Jo Zebedee]

I read all these last night and my shortlist had:

Bowler1
Alchemist
Hoopy
Stormcrow

My shorter list had

Johnnyjet
Boneman

And my votes went to

Tacticalloco's sci fi take
The Judge
Phyrebrat.

Good stuff this month, it was very hard to whittle it down at all.

 

[Abernovo]

Thanks for the reviews, Victoria and Starbeast!

Starbeast, you made me blush.

 

[Bowler1]

VC – A haunting tail I liked.
Springs - Very unusual, but effective.
Betawolf – A clever turn of events.
Reiver33 – It took a few reads to grow on me, but it did.
Boneman – Nice
TDZ – A dark fairy tale feel.
Mouse & Chrispy – for high drama and high impact super short, shorts.

I’ve been fussing with my list as I like to keep it short, so needless to say I enjoyed the high quality of stories and more so from our new buddies. It’s amazing that we’re all looking at the same picture yet no story is even remotely similar.

Just me and Springs up this morning and got our votes in early! Thank you for the mention, Springs, and right back at you with one of my own.

 

[Perpetual Man]

Alc. - There is the saying that we are destined to learn by our mistakes. Of course learning and improving things are two totally ends of the spectrum. Just because we learn does not mean that we will make things better. This is something that is perfectly illustrated in a fun and amusing story, hitting all the right moments with comic perfection (Well I laughed with each escalation). Perhaps though the most telling thing was that history repeats and even when someone, or something breaks the cycle and starts their own, it might not be any different.

Mith – A touching story that casts the Raven as a spirit guide for the dead. The trick at the start of making the bird seem to be somehow ominous was a clever one, foretelling that something bad is to come, while at the same not giving away what. The turn around at the end where it seems almost compassionate, filled with sense and wisdom, is a beautiful touch. The story itself has a nice emotional feel to it and we cannot help but feel for both the dead and the grieving.

Cab – A fantasy adventure, a heroic quest, but seen through the eyes of the person behind the trials. Could the mistress be an evil overlord, could this be the way she is seen by all those foolhardy adventurers that seek to best her traps and tricks? I think this is what I liked most about it, the fact that we see it from her point of view. There might be something noble in her motives, just searching for the best of the best for some greater cause, but it seems the way might be too perilous even for them. I loved the touch at the end, allowing the bird to come in from the rain, showing there is some kindness and good inside her.

TSP – A clever little tale that takes the image and turns it into a myth. What I really enjoyed here was the way the story being related to the child is spot on. It is a show of creative force, really feeling like a myth that might have been told again and again through the years. It would not have felt out-of-place as part of other such tales. But what makes it truly remarkable is the last line, giving a bit of mysticism and that real world shiver to the story, almost as if the crow is listening and remembering.

Aber – A magnificent SF tale that shows imagination and just enough detail to give us a feel of a future world of war. It was an excellent idea to have the drones meeting and plan to end the war, but there is a twist as we see that one of the controllers might be setting up the other in a bid to bring down the enemy. It really caught me, but then the second twist, that it really is the two of them setting their leaders up. A story where love conquers war. What could be better than that?

 

[Mr Orange]

right, lots of good stories, some that veered too far from the picture for me but still enjoyable to read. and now a short list to further my procrastination of everything else i need to do today.

mouse: all that glitters - i just got caught up in this story and re read it more than a few times
johnnyjet: scarecrow's crow - this one made me think about everything that we humans leave behind as we move on, from ruins, to rusting machinery, to sad sentient beings
bigJ: a raven on my porch - i think i said this before but this one is just... wow... the descent into madness actually made me feel really uncomfortable
perpetual man: some kind of crazy writing that has gone over my head - a well written bitter story through the eyes of a completely unexpected narrator
boneman: the balance - a completely believable tale of the stupidity and cruelty of the human race

and my votes will go to:

mouse
bigJ
perpetual man

 

[Ursa major]

some that veered too far from the picture...

Just a reminder, to bear in mind for the next 300-worder: the picture is only meant to be an inspiration. There is no obligation whatsoever to refer, even obliquely, to what's in the image.



(Note that the monthly 75-word entries are meant to stick to theme and genre, although a look at any month's entries will show just how imaginitively some of their authors interpret the subject and genre while still staying within the rules.)

 

[Abernovo]

Thanks for the review, Perp.
Such lovely words.

 

[Fitzchiv]

First of all, thank you kindly to Victoria Silverwolf and Starbeast on your feedback on what has been only my second ever attempt at "writing" like this.

mouse: loved it. Rhythmic, jovial and fun.
BigJ: Love how this tumbles from calm to calm.
Perpetual Man: great imagary, the desolate perspective of Death. It left me waiting for a one-liner, as it put me in mind of Pratchett's way of portraying him/it.

Very enjoyable from all though, some talented and imaginative people indeed.

 

[Perpetual Man]

TDZ – The feeling I had from this entry was something of a subtle, beautiful story, but a tragedy that was put together well. It starts, letting you know how it is going to end from the very beginning, and then takes the time to fill in the blanks, delivering a romantic, heart-wrenching story. There was a bit of humour too, a king called Willie just made me snigger, even as the darker tale unravelled. A secretive village means that the people outside do not understand what happens there, so they react differently, which leads to the tragic killing of the kings own daughter, and everything unravels from there.

Chris – A nice short story, but one that sent my imagination in all directions. I'm not entirely sure it was what was intended, but couple with the title I saw it as though it was a mobile phone network (and the phones themselves) slowly growing some form of sentience, an never ending immortal thing that only gets upgraded, never ending. Once it was in my head I could not get rid of it, even though I can see that is not the story. I really did like the last line though...

mosaix – The age old battle of man vs machine, and in one of the most traditional of battlegrounds – chess. It is the nature of how things have changed and how they might change since the days of Deep Blue. A machine that cannot only play chess but is able to comment upon what is going on, extrapolating moves and what is to come. But there is the nice ending to the story, that final move that speaks not only of man's inventiveness, but also the fact that he can have the imagination to step outside the rules to win. Of course this might be considered cheating....

Fitzchiv – A smile. A great idea well presented. Id there anything more beautiful than a smile? Seeing someone smile at you for the first time is like sunlight and a baby smiling for the first time is enough to melt ice. So using the smile as something more than just movement of the lips is understandable and it works well in the context of the story. But this is a darker piece and the ending is probably not hopeful. As the dark forms move in we are reminded that the last thing might even seem to be a cruelty, but in causing the cat to flee, with a smile in its heart might be the greatest kindness possible, and that act will last longer than the life of the storyteller.

crow – (with the exception of stormcrow, who else has a more fitting name for this challenge?) Wow. This is something really, really different, filled with imagination and thought, in some ways I would consider it a prayer to the living from the dead; or perhaps the other way round. A grim look at the world as it is, noisy, polluted. Maybe the best place to escape is the silence of the grave. An anti-love song then, that works in the same way, to souls brought together in a souless form.

 

[Mith]

Many thanks to Victoria, Starbeast and PM for your great reviews, was a nice thing to read upon logging in

Voting was a big challenge, all good, quality stories, how to vote for just 3? But I managed...

But first mentions to; Tywin, BetaWolf, Johnnyjet, reiver33, alchemist and The Judge. All of you came close to snatching my vote

But unfortunately only 3 votes can be had. So my winning entries are;

Karn
Perpetual Man
Boneman.

Well done all

 

[Tywin]

Thanks for the listing, Mith!

 

[Perpetual Man]

perpetual man: some kind of crazy writing that has gone over my head - a well written bitter story through the eyes of a completely unexpected narrator

Crazy writing? It does look that way. It's actually (allegedly Hindi, but I'll say more on that when voting finishes. If I remember, or someone prods me. If it hasn't been explained before hand.)

Just a reminder, to bear in mind for the next 300-worder: the picture is only meant to be an inspiration. There is no obligation whatsoever to refer, even obliquely, to what's in the image.

Is this another pun?

More seriously though, although I know the above and accept it. This is the first time in the 300 worder that I have seen a few stories that I felt had no point of reference to the picture at all, so it was hard to see how it had inspired the story. Obviously at the end people might be able to explain and have it make perfect sense. But if there is no obligation to refer to the picture at all, what is the point of having the picture?

Actually (having thought about it for a few moments) is that one glance at the picture might trigger an idea - even if it has nothing to do with the picture. Hence imagination. (There saved Ursa an answer)

Thanks for the review, Perp.
Such lovely words.

A pleasure. Just sorry I was so far behind with the reviews...

Perpetual Man: great imagary, the desolate perspective of Death. It left me waiting for a one-liner, as it put me in mind of Pratchett's way of portraying him/it.

I never really thought about Pratchett's death when I was writing, but he gets everywhere, so he was bound to be a influence.

Thanks to both Mr Orange and Fitzchiv (just want to call you Fitz, it just seems right.) A good start to the day.

And in the time it took me to type this I have to offer another thank you to Mith, so many, many thanks.

 

[Fitzchiv]

(just want to call you Fitz, it just seems right.)

Fine by me, it's what I get on most other forums etc. The reference was certainly a compliment, I love the way he portrays death as being completely devoid of feeling yet compelling with his apathy.

 

[Tywin]

My shortlist:
Tacticalloco – Found in Space
Phyrebat – Theodora Sings
Ursa Major – A Kiss, Friedrich Von Shiller Style
TDZ – Of Constables and Kings


And my votes:

BigJ – A Raven on my porch
Alchemist - …doomed to repeat it
Mosaix – Powerless

Went for BigJ's dark side, and then for two lighter offerings. I was laughing out loud (literally) during Alchemists story, and Mosaix got my vote because of the way he so quickly made me detest that arrogant computer.

 

[Ursa major]

Thanks for the shortlisting, Tywin.

 

[ratsy]

Lots of good creepy bird related stories this month

My shortlist

Starbeast - Moe Crow, Hillbilly Joe... - Good Alien vs Redneck fun
Perp - ( crazy title ) - What does the reaper do when all the souls are harvested?
Boneman - The Balance - At least they deserved it!

Votes went to some fine tales

Mouse - All that Glitters - Slick with a great pace
Hoopy - Never to be Told - creepy feeling with an amazing and original format
BigJ - A Raven on my Porch - This story just left me feeling itchy behind the eyes..well done!

 

[Perpetual Man]

Thanks for the shortlisting ratsy!

Dream Walker – An excellent story with its roots firmly implanted in North American native mythology. As this is something that is often overlooked it gives the whole thing a freshness and a novelty value outside of the more widely used mythologies. It is also a story of the slow erosion of the world by unnatural elements, those brought by western civilisation are probably top of the list. But it is the quest for salvation and freedom, part of the world closing off to the mundane, and what is left is all the sadder for it.

TJ – A story that feels as though it could well be a legend, or perhaps a fable or a parable, because it certainly carries elements of a lesson being taught. I could just see this one being a story that is told out loud, an audience rapt unaware that they are being taught a lesson. It is a variation on do not judge by appearances, or rather how appearances can never been taken at face value. A person's strongest qualities might actually be a weakness as well. Lesson learned.

Jastius – a dramatic story to finish with this month, and as always a good one. A working couple, and what man would not try to defend his wife/other half if she was being attacked by another. There is a price to pay here and we find our hero supplanted from his own body, imprisoned in the body of a raven. But life goes on and there are still desires. It is kind of weird, strange and a great twist that the body he seeks vengeance against is his own.


And that is it, the end of my comment giving for the foreseeable future. I leave you in the highly capable hands of Starbeast and Victoria (and anyone else who fancies ago). As I have said before, I love doing the comments and in the words of Arnie, "Ah'll be back."

Thanks for the support I have received, just another reason why the Chrons is such a great site, and as I've said, I'll be around, just not as much, lurking.

And doing the challenges of course.

 

[TheDustyZebra]

Thanks to Victoria, Starbeast and Perp for the lovely reviews! Perp, I'll have to explain about Willie after it's over.

And thank you as well to Bowler and Tywin for the mentions/shortlists!

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

I found myself impressed by the technical skill shown in my three choices. Each story made use of an unusual narrative method which required great skill. Thus, my votes go to:

"All That Glitters" by Mouse. The use of slippery, hopping rhymes perfectly conveys the character of the avian narrator.

"Never to be Told" by HoopyFrood. Traditional folk poems serve as the structural backbone of this tale, brought to life with brief glimpses of a dark and complex story.

"A Raven on my Porch" by BigJ. The repeated use of a familiar phrase, along with the allusion to another famous raven, convey the reader along on the protagonist's descent into madness.

 

[Boneman]

Thanks for the review Boneman. You did see the Three Stooges in my effort, I'm impressed, because I almost went that route, my character Stumpy was going to be called Shemp, but I like Stumpy better.

A Roster for the reviewers, aww, aren't you knid. I'm touched. I personally am not going to push for that idea, but if it happens, wow, I'd be stunned


QUOTE]

You're more than welcome, Starbeast. Since you can't review your own, it seems only right that someone else does it. Who's next?

Wow, I go away for a day and Bowler 1 and Mith vote for me! thank you so much, guys, you've made my day. Maybe I'll go away again... And thanks to Springs and Ratsy for the shorter listings - very much appreciated in such August company (well, we did start voting today...)