Game! Random item generator

Copies of the Seption Annihilus Codex are said to exist in a handful of private libraries scattered throughout the world. A particularly fine copy, printed on silk and bound between gold plates, is rumored to be found inside a remote monastery, somewhere in the Andes. Until such treasures are proven to exist, however, we must be content with the few scraps of text available to scholars at major universities. Such enigmatic phrases as ". . . destruction . . . oldest ones . . . doomed" continue to intrigue those few who have studied the tattered remnants of this proto-Aramaic text.


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Grey Elixir


http://www.sffchronicles.co.uk/forum/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=1795355
 
In the far southern land of Tacitomaho, legend has it that the great Witch Queen Lohaki Maktzumaka created an undead beast so powerful that only the child of a god could destroy it. The beast rampaged across the country destroying village after village until finally it met it's end at the hand of the great warrior Noganki Hazmande; piercing the great beast many times with his mystical spear until finally it was destroyed. Out of the beasts wounds poured a viscous foul smelling slime that Noganki collected in a glass vial.
Legend says that the so-named Grey Elixir would imbue the drinker with incredible power, they would become unbeatable in battle. The price however would be undeath, until released by the child of a god...

Hot Murzle
 
The name of the pulpy fruit of a creeping vine of the Malador region, also called generally a Hot Murzle. Usually purple in colouration, but with subspecies of green and red, the hot murzle plant's fruit has been harvsted in the region for centuries as both a medicine and antiseptic. The fruit is bulbous, and can grow to the size of a man's fist. When opened, the flesh is marshmellow like and is coloured a bright red. The Hot Murzle is known for it's fast decomposition, and as it decomposes it emits a foul smell attracting insects. These insects attract birds and lizards, who inevitably also injest the tiny little seeds. The flavour of ripe Hot Murzle is strongly acidic, with a very strong peppery flavour. Because of it's high acidic content, hot murzle pulp has been used as an anti-septic for many years, and it's ripe fruit has been used as a palate cleanser.
It was for the right to control Hot Murzle that Amarosian and Heladrian forces clashed during the Age of Subjugation.

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Beelzebub's Stairclimber
 
Beelzebub's Stairclimber (Diplocentrus horribillis), recently discovered species of scorpion, found in remote parts of the Sonoran desert. Unknown to science until construction of a desalinization plant on the coast of the Gulf of California began in 2057. Due to its unusual size, rapid speed, aggressive temperment, and ability to climb almost any surface, it quickly became a nuisance to workers on the project. Rumours that exposure to the nuclear power plant used to provide electricity for the project have resulted in even larger and more dangerous varieties of the creature have been denied by MexCalAqua Inc.

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Hyperfluid
 
A hyperfluid is anything that will flow uphill. Superfluid helium is obviously the most publicised, but bathwater and fountain pen ink and, in the correct conditions, scotch whisky, either blended or single malt, all exhibit the gravity ignoring characteristics.

For conditions are everything. In the presence of small children a selection of other substances, including blood and raspberry jam, can achieve limited superfluidic characteristics, including puddling on the ceiling, a phenomenon not observed with mere idiots and TV chefs.

A hyperfluid can only be transported in a hermetically sealed vessel; it is generally considered wise to get Hermes himself in to do the sealing. A mere screw-top container is inadequate, as they all, in the hyperfluid state, exhibit extremely low coefficients of friction, making them excellent lubricants if they can be persuaded to remain on the bearing.

After successful trials with organic hyperfluids injected into arthritic knees and elbows, medical science is investigating how to reduce the undesirable side effects, notably the occasional gush of bodily fluids from the nose and mouth, with the long term aim of eliminating joint pain and rigidity.

Murgenfloss
 
Murgenfloss is imported from the second planet orbiting Tau Ceti, generally known as "Cat's Eye" from its glittering blue and green appearance from space. Produced by organisms which can loosely be described as photosynthetic spider-analogues, it consists of monomolecular filaments of an organic substance somewhat similar to DNA. Gathered during the brief summers of the southern hemisphere (the northern hemiphere consisting almost entirely of freshwater ocean), murgenfloss is altered in multiple ways to form treatments for various genetic diseases. Recent research has concentrated on the possibility of anti-aging treatments. Some of the side effects observed in healthy volunteers have been troubling, to say the least.

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The stones of unknowing
 
The Stones of Unknowing... an ironic epithet for the bricks used by Tradoshi rebels to klonk Imperial military men over the head with as they move about on sabotage missions. Military drill sergeants coined the term when teaching at the Academy, usually giving an urban legend of one Rebel ace who not only uses the same brick for his klonking, but has even create a sigil on it that leaves a permanent mark on the back of the unfortunate patrolman's skull.

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Elephant Oil
 
Ever since the United Nations Subcommittee on Vertebrate Rights added elephants to the list of species granted "special consideration" (along with primates and cetaceans) in 2056, the collecting of elephant oil (a bioactive product derived from the spinal fluid of the animals) has carried severe penalties. Its alleged intelligence-increasing properties have resulted in an active black market in the substance. Most so-called "elephant oil" is nothing more than vegetable oil with various food colorings added to imitate the golden hue of the genuine product. In some cases, however, real elephant oil has been purchased from poachers in exchange for gems or other valuables. Whether this has been a factor in the dominance of the hypercorporation Universal Products and Services (whose board of directors is said to have an average IQ of 200+) in world economics remains a matter of conjecture.

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The fever dance
 
A paperback book found amongst the belongings of Bragadier General Kleinburg after the Battle of Gassamir Tor. The book describes the life of a washed up disco superstar as he lived out his life in obscurity in an unremarkable suburb of Minneapolis in the 2020s. So unremarkable was this book that it was, on Earth, given the designation as one of the worst books ever written. It's plot was meandering and mundane, it's characters unlikeable, and it's main character hateable. Unfortunately, it was not without it's merits, in that it described suburban life down to every miniscule point. So fantastically detailed was the book that when found by the alien Ojanai, they mistook it for an anthropological report. They used the details of the book to create training 'recreations' for sleeper agents to become accustomed to life on Earth, even giving the sleeper agents many of the names found in the Fever Dance. When these sleeper agents came to Earth, expertly concealed as Humans... they were, unsurprisingly, found out very quickly. 2040s Europe bore no resemblance to 2020s Minneapolis. In a way, it could be said that the Fever Dance became the most important book in the history of the world, for if it had not been written the enemy Ojanai's plot to infiltrate Earth would not have been uncovered.

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Quantum Brick
 
With the advent of nanite technology in the early 21st Century, a new building material was developed for use in the construction of goods at microscopic levels. Many products were tested but it wasn't until Professor Samuel Beckett's unfortunate accident and subsequent disappearance led to the creation of the now indispensable material commonly called the Quantum Brick that the construction of items from the microscopic level up really began. The discovery of this near indestructible material revolutionised the manufacturing processes of the world and led to the founding of the Calavicci Corporation by the Multi Trillionaire saviour of the worlds economy, Al Calavicci.

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The Blunden-Smythe rotating valve.
 
"The BLUNDEN-SMYTHE ROTATING VALVE changed my life forever. I used to feel run-down, distracted, and inadequate. My wife complained about my lack of energy, and I wasn't even able play with my own grandchildren. The BLUNDEN-SMYTHE ROTATING VALVE changed all that. With the BLUNDEN-SMYTHE ROTATING VALVE I feel like a new man! Its 360 degree action gives me the flexibility that I need - when I need it! My wife and I have never felt closer. The BLUNDEN-SMYTHE ROTATING VALVE gives me a level of confidence that never thought I would achieve again. I highly recommend the BLUNDEN-SMYTHE ROTATING VALVE to any man (or miniature horse) that wants to once again enjoy the flavor of life!"
- William Strepapansky (BLUNDEN-SMYTHE ROTATING VALVE client)

Now available for 38 easy payments of $24.99.
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Pink Mist
 
Having problems with office politics? Having trouble retaining staff? Spending too much on rose-coloured glasses?

Introducing Pink Mist.

Pink Mist is approved by the Food Drugs and Spells Administration and all other major authorities for administration in tea, coffee and assorted fruit smoothies.

Pink Mist's one-dose-fits-all formulation has a guaranteed 95% effectiveness with less than 0.001% adverse reactions.

Pink Mist is the world-first commercially available like-potion.


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The Lump
 
The Lump. The name says it all. It appeared one day in Mrs. Twitchings' pantry... right between the spaghetti and canned prunes. Of a metallic colour somewhere between goldy and bronzy, but not at all like irony, the Lump gave off a slight odour of diced radishes and pickled beaver eyes. When discoveredm, Mrs. Twitching (always the adventurous chef) decided to plop it into Mr. Twitching's dinner stew. The Lump neither deslved nor grew smaller but seemed to get slightly bigger. The stew, a pottage really, turned out sublime! Mrs. Twitchings was intrigued... the next day she added it the lump to a pot of canned spaghetti and it tasted as though cooked by a fine chef in Tuscany. The next morning she added it to her bowl of cornflakes and was reminded of her childhood in Kent. All the while, the lump slowly got bigger and bigger.

She was shocked, she was surprised, she was delighted. This lump from her pantry was a miracle seed... add it to any food and it will be delicious. Mrs. Twitching went on tour. Fanny Craddock got wind of the Lump and penciled her eyebrows into an intrigued look. She had been slightly ostracized by the foodie community since the Mrs. Noakes affair. Stealing into the dark kitchen of Mrs. Twitchings at night, she fumbled her way through to the pantry, making faces at Mrs. Twitching lack of cuisine du francais. Face to face with the lump, she called to Johnny on her radio, "Johnny! We have the little blighter, I will be out very soon, start the Roles!"

"It is I who have you, dear..." Said the Lump. Before she was non the wiser, Fanny was consumed as the Lump catipulted it's self across to the startled television chef. The next morning, Mrs. Twitchings was non the wiser as she escorted a fragile and startled Fanny Craddock out of the front door. The Lump continued on, eventually moving to Mrs. Ramsay's house next door and giving birth to a new Lump.

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Gregorian Chimestick
 
Combining elements of wind chimes and resembling the form of rainsticks used by the primitives in the new world, Father Jon Gregory created his famous chimestick.

Superstition holds that when the chimestick is upended it summons winds blowing at the rate of the tilt. It also produces a chaotic type of melody that is traditionally sounded at the beginning of the Gregorian Church's religious ceremonies.

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The Horn of Manasses
 
"Listen." Edward held a hand up, signalling silence.

At first, I could hear nothing more than a distant whisper. As the sound grew into insistent music, Aunt Mary stood up. "Hurry," she said, "it's the Horn of Manasses."

"What-" I started, but Aunt Harriet broke in.

"There's no time." She was hurrying out of the room even as she spoke. "We must take shelter."

"Even the north wind cannot winkle us out from here," Edward said, when we were huddled into the old mine workings on the southern side of the mountain. He added for my benefit, "When the wind blows exactly from the north, it traverses the funnelled hills into the Horn of Manasses, where it plays the great song. The power of the wind is magnified in its passage through the Horn, until nothing can stand before it."

"And father?" My voice trailed off.

Aunt Mary spoke slowly in the darkness. "I hope he found safe harbour."

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Magrita's Kittern
 
The message was written in crayon on a torn sheet of notebook paper. Beeware ov Magrita's Kittern. Julia smiled. Spelling was not her daughter's strong suit, but there was nothing wrong with her imagination. Margaret was still a bit young for a pet, although she seemed fascinated by animals. Perhaps this note was intended as a hint. In a year or two, she might be mature enough to take care of a cat. For now, Margaret would have to be content with picture books and cartoons. Julia has just finished folding up the note when she heard the howls coming from Margaret's room.

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The Nine Crossroads
 
Tom knew better than to pause at the Nine Crossroads. Travellers saw ordinary things at other crossroads, like the stalls of sharp-eyed hawkers with their rancid pastries, or the slowly diminishing corpses hanging from the gibbets.

A unexplainable contraption waited at the Nine Crossroads, near the road that wound down from the Pebbled Mountains. It stood on soft, black tyres that contrasted with the polished, ghostly white of its sides. Travellers could look inside it through large sheets of smooth glass -glass! - to see the man and woman, strangely dressed, who slept eternally on velvet seats.

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Ondixium dimurphide
 
Ondixium dimurphide is a joking nickname for a peculiar substance found within certain rare meteoroids which are generally thought to originate from the planet Mars. First discovered in a fragment coded as Sample #509 (hence "on dix", plus the typical chemical ending "-ium"), this substance seems to consist of an extraordinarily complex chain of silicon atoms. (Fortunately for science, this fragment was discovered in Antarctica, like many meteoroids of Martian origin, and was not exposed to higher temperatures before the substance was found and placed in refrigeration. Under normal room temperature conditions, ondixium dimurphide rapidly degrades to ordinary silicates.) The difficulty in determining the exact structure of this substance has led to the creation of the so-called Murphy's Law #501 (hence "di murph", plus the typical chemical ending "-ide"): "If it's the most important discovery you'll ever make, you won't be able to understand it."

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Wheels of Sound
 
The Wheels of Sound were objects upon the mythical Box of Random Music, found early in the First Age of man. The wheels sat on either side of the box, and when the box was properly alligned with the sun, turning the wheels would allow sound to be produced. The further you turned the wheels, the louder the sound.

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Dunc's Indexer
 
A quick glance at Dunc's Indexer would convince the casual viewer that it was a device without a purpose. All those wheels and gears, the seemingly random display of numbers; surely this was nothing more than a whimsical toy, meant to amuse those with more money than imagination. In truth, however, the subtle interaction of the machine's complex workings was nothing less than a model of humanity's sins. It was a sobering thought to realize that cruelty was a resource without limit.

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The Gates of Diamond
 
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