Who can come up with the worst simile or metaphor?

[Alex The G and T]

The ocean of his love ran deeper than the black hole of Calcutta

 

[psychotick]

Hi,

Since it's still going:

Her breasts were like ripe melons, round and covered in a hard green rind!

Cheers, Greg.

 

[psychotick]

Hi,

I think the quote goes - "Her eyes were like limpid pools ..." That's classic Amanda McKittrick Ros - one of the acredited worst authors ever.

Cheers, Greg.

 

[Alex The G and T]

Just.. almost.. got the jokes, there. ^



"...Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly
A girl with cholesterol eyes"

No, no, it's the girl with the barnacle eyes.

 

[farntfar]

I thought it was the milk girl with pasture eyes

 

[Mr Orange]

her face drooped like a half-sucked mango

 

[Dan Jones]

Here's one from an old MS I flung out years ago.

"She had the most awful laugh, Cedric. Like a seal dashing itself upon the rocks."

 

[Mr Orange]

he lay there, unmoving, like a carrot.

 

[psychotick]

Just.. almost.. got the jokes, there. ^



"...Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly
A girl with cholesterol eyes"

No, no, it's the girl with the barnacle eyes.

Would that be Lucy in the sky with diamond encrusted glasses?

Cheers, Greg.

 

[psychotick]

Oops - doublepost.

 

[J Riff]

His eyes, which resembled two eggs boiling in a frying pan, were sensitive to her needs.

 

[Jeremy M. Gottwig]

His eyes, which resembled two eggs boiling in a frying pan, were sensitive to her needs.

Cracked me up. Everything about this one is wrong.

 

[Jeremy M. Gottwig]

Here's one from an old MS I flung out years ago.

"She had the most awful laugh, Cedric. Like a seal dashing itself upon the rocks."

I sort of love this, actually.

 

[Parson]

His eyes, which resembled two eggs boiling in a frying pan, were sensitive to her needs.

J Riff --- As far as I'm concerned you've written the worst of the worst, or would that be the best of the worst of these. The whole sentence started out to make sense but ended up making me go "What???"

 

[Ray McCarthy]

His eyes, which resembled two eggs boiling in a frying pan,

99p. Postage included from China. Gadget for frying pan to make "skull". The eye holes are the yokes of the two eggs.

Though your phrase reminded me of Marty Fieldman.

 

[J Riff]

Thank you. My gratitude is greater than the Magellenic gas cloud, if there is such a thing.

 

[Jeremy M. Gottwig]

His eyes, which resembled two eggs boiling in a frying pan, were sensitive to her needs.

So what happens next?

 

[psychotick]

Hi,

They turned a milky white colour before hardening!

Cheers, Greg.

 

[Mr Orange]

So what happens next?

Breakfast?

 

[Droflet]

Her lips were full, like a bloated drunk, her breasts heaved as if fighting gravity and her legs, oh my lord, her legs climbed all the way into orbit. But her sister was the pretty one.