Three-Legged Improv

[Victoria Silverwolf]

Livia the Pirate Princess, who robbed only the wicked and never used any weapon more deadly than a squirt gun, tossed her silverware across her cabin in righteous indignation. The fork's tines anchored themselves in the wall, sending the wacky bird living in the coo-coo clock into a giggling fit. That darn old siren Malevola was luring her crew again with her songs of a happy island where the rocks were hot buttered rolls and the rivers were lemonade.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Scroll, huntsman, grimdark

 

[nixie]

"I'm sorry sweet child but it was you or the Princess. The scroll clearly said she knows the difference" . The huntsman wept as he cut out her heart.

Mints, soldier, comedy.

 

[Alex The G and T]

" Corporal Mints, Breath; stand to!"
"Sir, My Daddy was Mints, Breath; I'm Mints, Junior, Sir!"
"Never mind that, soldier; take this spear, Mints."


New trick, Old Dog, Folk tale

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

There was once a woodcutter who tried to teach his hound to track beavers, so he could keep them from gnawing at his trees. The beavers tricked the hound into chasing them into their dam, where it lost its way in the maze of logs and mud. To this day you can hear the howling of the river as the hound tries to find its way home to its master.

Mountain, King, Myth

 

[nixie]

The king under the mountain was rumoured to be the last descendant of Midas. Many tried to enter his lair, none returned. Although gold coloured statues litter the area.

Mission, fool, thriller.

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

The mercenaries crouched in the shadows cast by moonlight that fell on the dusty ground under the towers of the Mission of San Martin de Porres. The revolutionaries held the Prime Minister's son, a pampered teenager foolish enough to fall into the trap they had laid for him at the high-class brothel he frequented. Barkley gave the signal to advance, weapons ready; they had to kill the revolutionaries, but the Prime Minister didn't care what happened to his son.

Butler, hourglass, comedy of manners

 

[Randy M.]

“Like sand through an hourglass, these are the days of our lives,“ quoth Volk philosophically after his former fiance threw her ring in his paramour's face.

“More like crap through a goose,” best man Butler muttered. "Move along," he then urged, pushing Volk from the reception room stuffed with large male relations of the bride-who-almost-was.



plumber; pencil; fairy tale

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

Once upon a time the Keeper of the Royal Waterworks found young Princess Sapphire alone in a dark corner of the castle, crying. When he found out what was bothering her, he used his writing quill to clean out the hot water faucet in her sink. The King paid his bill in full, and he lived happily ever after.

Politician, tractor, character study

 

[Alex The G and T]

Seeking agrarian voter approval; the would-be senator accidentally drove the tractor into a bottomless mud pit.
The left-wingers offered tow chains; the right-wingers offered planks and explosives.
The candidate asked himself, "How can I turn this debacle into campaign donations?"

Trickster; Abomination; Swords and Sorcery.

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

Catherus the Clever hid behind one of the many blood-warm boulders that littered the Vale of Fire and peered out at his adversary. It towered over the mounds of soft, cooling lava spewed out endlessly by the myriad tiny volcanoes in this demon-cursed land. Cast out of the Infernal Plane for its unimaginable crimes against the Lord of Chaos, it was a hideous brute, a slime-dripping hulk of flesh with too many eyes to count; but even such a loathsome creature might fall to a velvet tongue.

Accountant, suitcase, thriller.

 

[Cathbad]

"There – you see the suitcase, the money must be inside!"

The Commander rewound the tape and watched the video again, paying particular attention to the way the accused, Victor Marshall, carried the suitcase through the airport.

“No, lieutenant, the suitcase is of insufficient size for carrying twenty-five thousand twenties, but is of the correct size – and obvious weight – to hold the missing bomb; we must make haste!”


Letter Opener, Mental Ward Nurse, Murder-suspense

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

Pretty shiny blade on Doctor's desk but no mustn't touch or Nurse will be angry like Mommy was angry. Mustn't think of Mommy no no Mommy was bad didn't let Baby have pretty shiny things. Must be good must take pills from Doctor and stay in Baby's room nice and quiet and not tell what Doctor and Nurse did with the pretty shiny blade and where they put the bad man who yelled at them and how they washed the pretty shiny blade and washed their hands after the bad man was gone.

Druggist, broom, character study

 

[cidetraq]

The spacesuit-clad janitor jerkily cleared off the debris from the space station, impatient. It'd been hours since his last fix of spice and already he could feel his very ligaments shaking. The thought of his dead wife flashed into his mind, but he repulsed it as violently as he brushed away the space dust.

Tentacle monster; jar of pickles; cartoon

 

[Ihe]

Jason sat on his bed watching late-night cartoons about silly aliens, astounded at the realism of modern entertainment. He ate another pickle, and stained his pyjamas with the brine dripping from it. Went to the bathroom to wipe it off, and came out just in time to see the three-eyed slime alien snatch the pickle jar through the screen with its long tentacles.
------------------------------------------
dog whisperer, meteorite, romance

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

"Easy, girl, that's it, good girl, nothing to be scared of, just a shooting star, even if it is a big one." Clive patted the nervous collie and watched Widow Macy walk toward him, pale skin glowing in the moonlight. Perhaps wishing on a falling star wasn't so silly after all.

____________________________________________________________

Bride, mansion, Gothic Romance

 

[nixie]

Under a dark sky, the crash of thunder, a flash of lightening, the mansion looked foreboding.
The carriage drew close, Edith felt a cold shiver, terror and anticipation filled her, what would become of her ?
Matthew took her arm and led her inside, smiling he turned " my bride welcome home "

Monday, commute, horror.

 

[Ihe]

The underground metro station bustled during rush hour with the frenzied masses trying really hard to not crumble under the miserable weight of Monday mornings. When the zombies first appeared from the tunnel's depths, no one reacted, except to tell them to not cut the line as the tube arrived. A lot of confused zombies were trampled to death that day.G
-------------------------------------------------
Cigar, health inspector, battlefield

 

[nixie]

The health inspector tutted "smoking whilst cooking, you know I could close you down right now"

"Sir, these are the finest Havana cigars"

"Bloody kitchen, it's worse than a battlefield"

Holiday, imposter, gothic.

 

[nixie]

Have I killed this poor thread beyond resurrection?

 

[Alex The G and T]

Just temporarily fallen out of the ken of the "New Posts" button and briefly overlooked. We hope.

******

The members of the Gravediggers Union, along with all of their families and friends had gathered among the gnarled eldritch trees of the Krankenwald, for the annual Labor Day picnic.

Quasimodo schmoozed among the celebrants spreading subtle anti unionist memes.

Already viewed with suspicion as bell-kneller, and not really a gravedigger; the hunchback was subject to many a dark glance.

When Quasimodo's hump was observed to slip from one shoulder to the other; he was seized by an angry mob, thrown face down in the muck and revealed to be Jimmy Hoffa.




Parade, Corpse, Noir