Three-Legged Improv

[Victoria Silverwolf]

hedge maze, beekeeper and magical realism

Yesterday the bees decided they wanted their hives inside the hedge maze instead of the rose garden, so I had to put on my protective gear and lift them, one by one, over the gravel walkway and into that blasted green labyrinth. I never did like the damned thing, the way its corridors writhe like the insides of some giant serpent intent on devouring the world. But their Lordships must have their honey, and sad bees make sad honey, so I must keep them happy, and so the world goes, round and round and round.

mirror, shopkeeper, historical fiction

 

[tegeus-Cromis]

After Thermidor and the fall of Robespierre, the Comte d'Auxerre was among the first aristocratic exiles to venture back to Paris, only to find his hotel particulier in Place Vendome emptied, all the furniture and paintings that he'd had to leave behind in his middle-of-the-night flight to Bavaria looted, the richly colored wallpaper, with scenes of chinoiserie, peeling off the walls. After a night in his despoiled apartment, he found his way to his old marchand de meubles in St. Germain, who had miraculously weathered unscathed the storms of the revolution. The first item the old shopkeeper showed him was one of the newly fashionable full-length, oval Psyche mirrors; and seeing himself from head to toe in its smoky brightness, the Comte was reminded that he was still in one piece, his head still on his shoulders, unlike many a companion of the carefree days of his youth.

engraving burin, graduate student, weird tale

 

[MikeAnderson]

The Dean of The School of Arts always criticized my work, calling it "lacking emotional context, detail, and originality."
So I killed him in a rage, and engraved my thesis into his skin with a cold chisel I found in the tool box in the Geology lab.
I'm the only art student in history with a simultaneous death sentence and an exhibit honoring my work at the Guggenheim.

pizza, necromancer, espionage thriller

 

[Anne Martin]

Unable to move, Halep watched as the pizza floated out of the box on its way to the mage's table. His palms sweated as he anticipated his freedom, hoping his cell had chosen this opening to assassinate his captor and release the spell. Was it intuition, or just sheer bad luck, when the mage offered Halep the first bite?


pineapple, writer, magical realism

 

[Hummus]

"Excuse me," said Wernard Mcwright, writer, to the unicorn behind the counter,"I ordered a freshly squeezed pineapple juice, with extra magic dust, ten minutes ago - I have dealines to keep here - did I tell you I'm a writer?"
The unicorn, bearing a suspicious amount of fruits on its horn, licked some juice from its fur.
"Apologies, I stuck."

Lighter, Astronaut, Rom-com

 

[tegeus-Cromis]

The signal came through and on the large video screen at mission command appeared the surface of the red planet and Kate's face, smiling inside her space-suit helmet.
Charlie rushed to speak:
"Kate, now that you achieved your goal of being the first human on Mars, will you finally answer: will you marry me?"
Kate held up something in her pressurized glove:
"Charlie, you must recognize this, my father's old Zippo, that I'm so sentimental about; as I told you long ago, when someone asks me to marry him, I'll strike it; and, if it lights on the first try, I'll marry him gladly; but if it doesn't, we're done forever."

 

[tegeus-Cromis]

bowl of minestrone, art therapist, high fantasy

 

[MikeAnderson]

"Oi, the magical brush went loopy, and instead of drawing a unicorn, it summoned a bloody bowl of minestrone!"
The wizened wizard of titanium white, Bob of Ross, merely patted his apprentice kindly on his shoulder, and materialized two spoons and a bag of oyster crackers.
"All will be well, as long as you remember this ancient incantation; there is no such thing as a mistake, just happy accidents!"

plasma blaster, unemployed construction worker, romantic comedy

 

[Guttersnipe]

The construction worker dodged the half-heated plasma blast. He looked at his girlfriend. "If you flirt with that gynoid again, I won't miss next time."

carnival, starfish, telepathy

 

[Joshua Jones]

carnival, starfish, telepathy

It isn't easy being telepathic as part of a freak show. I'm forced to watch the landed ones hobble about on two legs while their vacuous minds invariably contemplate in various orders currency acquisition, intoxicants, and reproduction. Thankfully, they still think I'm merely a large starfish, and have no idea what I plan to do when their species is properly subjugated.

Volcano, Forbidden Romance, High Fantasy

 

[Randy M.]

Volcano, Forbidden Romance, High Fantasy

It's hard to love, it must be hard to love, to erupt with love, to overflow as pennants wave and armor clanks, an army trudging with a sacrifice to halt my love. Where there be dragons and elves, sprites and chimera due for death at the hands of armored men with lances and swords and arrows, no display of my love suffices, or will be suffered. Though this earth trembles and quakes, it abides and awaits a time without pennants and armor and armies clanking, ominous and resolute.

Bathtub, mechanic, hard-boiled s.f.

 

[sarap001]

"It's like this," Shaggan grunted, tugging at a phalange with his grav-wrench, "you've just gotta fiddle with stuff."

"Fiddle," Turuk echoed mindlessly, bouncing a coin off of the grime-caked bulkhead. It clinked, spun, rolled back toward him across the plasma burn on the floor that used to be Kiggin.

"Mmm." Shaggan responded. The phalange, anchored to the tub's brass claw foot, came loose with a lame buzz of energy discharge. "You know. Tinker. Adjust. Screw."

Turuk's gaze tracked through the energy field's bluish haze, out into the debris fields beyond, where the armada massed. Mostly Kohler-class, a few sleek American Standards flanking the main host. Weapons charging, he knew, to blow this ship apart. "You're fixin' to screw that thing back to life?"

Shaggan drew to his feet, carrying the phalange around to the main spout, and gingerly maneuvered his furry bulk into the scarred porcelain. "If I have to, old friend." He slid the phalange overtop the spout and began meticulously adjusting the knobs, seeking the sweet spot between H and C.

The coin skittered out, bounced once, started rolling back...

A WUMPF of pressure knocked it across the cell. Turuk's head snapped around to see the tub, its thrusters whining to life, its filigree rising from tarnished brass into a vibrant green, Shaggan's mandibles cracked into a fierce grin. From deeper in the ship, alarms started to wail.

"What are you waiting for? Bubbles?"

********************************

Fountain pen, chef, Gothic horror

 

[Ori Vandewalle]

By candlelight I write this letter, the dim flames illuminating a crimson tint in the ink of my fountain pen. Someone must learn of my story, even if I am imprisoned here for the remainder of my days, alone but for the terrible echoes that cascade around the castle walls--the sickening slice of knives, the boiling water, the cackling laughter. In truth I am not the only one here, for every night he finds me, brings me to the great hall, and feeds me a meal of awful delights that set my tongue afire; I dare not think where the meat comes from.

diamond, delivery person, biopunk

 

[Guttersnipe]

The Martian diamonds were converted into credits long before the delivery man arrived. The owner buzzed him in. The Splicer was in her hands now. She just worried that the man would make it back as well as he'd come--unmolested by the mutants.

Cuckoo bird, scepter, tornado

 

[Astro Pen]

The Royal cuckoo bird killer was called to the court. The king was suffering a lack of sleep as a new cuckoo had taken up residence in a tree near his bedroom. It always gave eleven tweets which caused the king to leap from his bed thinking he had overslept.
But try as he might the killer's scepter, known colloquially as 'the quacker whacker' was not long enough to reach the nest.
Fortunately there came a squall of wind which spiraled into a tornado. Lifting the bird killer high alongside the tree and also imparting a spinning motion adding extra power to the scepter, dispatching the bird in an easy swing.
However the following morning the king really did oversleep.

Clock, ant-eater, mythology

 

[Joshua Jones]

Clock, ant-eater, mythology

Tic-toc, tic-toc the Great Tower repeated as Archibald the Steadfast watched. The day approached when the fire which consumed the Forerunners, architects of the Great Tower, would return and consume all the ants Archibald and his kind depended upon. He swallowed and offered thanks, for that day was not today.

Samurai, Tuna, Fantasy

 

[Land Under Wave]

Samurai, Tuna, Fantasy

Raiden the bluefin tuna pulled up short in a flurry of bubbles and twisted himself in deep obeisance. He had never before come to Ronin Katana-of-Swordfishes (never had the situation been so dire!) and yet he dared feel a warrior's bond between them--for did they not both possess the Magic of Internal Heating? Surely now, he thought, the Evil Shortfin Mako will fall to salt before the exploits of our new-formed Fellowship!

Baby Diaper, Sculptor, Superhero Fiction

 

[Iwroteathing]

Baby Diaper, Sculptor, Superhero Fiction


"We encourage you to know no shame, for even the most astute Protector must arrive at a point in her life, and decide what is best for herself and her child; the right to a selfish endeavour"

She heard it being called "Mummy Guilt" by the normal parents, and they too loathed the concept of being seperated from their young offspring, however she very much doubted defeating the villainous Skullpter was on their mortal and motherly agendas.

"My deepest sympathies, but not all the wet, brown clay being hurled at the Metropolis City will stop me from doing my job as a mother, Mr President... and if my senses are correct, my daughter sadly has her own wet, brown clay situation too"


Shrunken Head, Theme Park Ride Operator, Scandinavian Noir.

 

[Provincial]

Shrunken Head, Theme Park Ride Operator, Scandinavian Noir.


“Alas poor Yorick, I knew him well; a fellow of infinite jest, but a bit of a pinhead - you could never rely on him to get the King’s Ghost ride up and running by opening time.”

Inspector Swedishperson looked unimpressed as he flipped the tarpaulin over to reveal the top half of the deceased. “Gertrude - may I call you Gertrude? - it has been an unusually warm summer, and for days the snow has been merely inches thick; but pinhead or not, even heat such as this will not cause someone’s skull to shrink to this extreme...”


pencil sharpener, trapeze artist, Greek tragedy.

 

[Guttersnipe]

The funambulist was perspiring buckets, for there would be no deus ex machina this time. He would not make it to the other end, focus though he may. The audience was weeping for him, but he knew that all they would do was cry, "Opa! Opa!" even after he fell. Still, it would be great--
The boy was awakened by the sound of someone sharpening a pencil. He sighed. He could've died beautifully.

pachyderm, black hole, Munchausen syndrome