Discussion Thread -- September 2016 75-word Writing Challenge

My own entry this month was born out of attempting to find a story with power, something that could have a significant emotional impact. I wrote a bunch of other entries before I settled on this one. I thought the idea of a parent lying to their child was a pretty potent one - albeit depressing - but my concern is that I strayed too far from the 'stage fright' brief. Maybe I'll pop something on the 'improving' thread.

As I mentioned above, I ended up writing a whole bunch of entries for this month's challenge. I won't bore you with them all here (though you can read them on my blog if you like), but since this one was so close on concept to @Coast's entry, I thought folks might be interested to compare and contrast:

First Impressions
The world below turns, a beautiful blue-green orb. Peaceful.

The first is always the hardest. In a moment, seven billion pairs of eyes will judge me.

I’m not as young as I once was. Is the fire still there? The gravitas? Supplies are low. People are scared. This has to go well.

My comm chimes. I turn to the camera drone as it glows into life.

“People of Earth,”

This is it.

“SURRENDER OR DIE!”
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My story was a little obscure owing to me listening to Malcolm McClaren's Waltz Darling album of 1989, particularly Deep in Vogue where the lines:

Sometimes on a legendary night
Like the closing of the garage
When the crowd is calling down the spirits
Listen, and you will hear the footsteps of all the houses that walked there before
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made me think of the closing of Studio 54 and how a time device's function is pertinent to place as well as time.

And I threw in the bit about the dad because (apparently) I have family issues* :D


pH
*for further details, see @DG Jones ;)
 
Wow! I just fainted! I actually won? I actually won! What an honor, considering all the great competition. Thanks to Culwhch, Parson, ratsy, LittleStar, AJB and Gnrevolution for the votes and all those who mentioned me, too.

It seems apropos that I win a challenge with the topic "Stage Fright" since I am by nature very shy. I guess I'll just scurry off now in my corner.
 
The Judge said:
Ah! I thought the narrator was a famous person's son, and I was meant to know who he was! (I guessed Elvis, because it's always Elvis... :p)
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I'd assumed that too, I must admit. Felt like I was missing something!
 
Mine started with the punchline, which popped into my head while I was mowing** the lawn almost two weeks ago (i.e. much earlier than usual). As the genre was SF, it seemed obvious to have that bear be something mechanical. Instead of simply making it malfunction all on its own, I wanted to indicate that there was something fundamentally wrong, hence the mention of a theme park and a nod to -- hint*** that it was -- Westworld.


** - Not with a Suffolk Punch mower (which would have been, I thought until I did a web search, from a discontinued... er... line).

*** - The hint? In the film, Westworld was one part of the Delos theme park, which is how the prop buyer got her name: Della.
 
johnnyjet said:
I just fainted again.....
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Don't worry. There's always a solution...

robot.jpg
 
My story had a start almost from the beginning. When I heard the theme stage fright and the genre Science Fiction just about the first thing that jumped into my head was an astronaut who scared what the second stage of his rocket would do. Since Astronauts are, or work closely with, scientists there would have to be a reason for undue fright. .... Ah, government intervention .... What government would risk such a colossal failure for so little gain by going into space without sufficient tests? ...... Ah, the most likely one came to mind. The rest was relentless cutting of a bloated paragraph.
 
My story was psychologically straightforward. Our insecurities don't lie with the audience, but with ourselves. We are our biggest obstacle to success. In the character's case, it was an obstacle that became crippling by looking for the wrong way to overcome it. Instead of facing it head-on in a healthy way, he decided to take a shortcut and get those cheap neural enhancements that ended up bringing out (almost literally) his demons of self-deprecation, with his own reflections belittling him and "beating him" to the punchline.

I thought my last line was pure genius, but I have a feeling I'm not the first one to have written it. Has anyone seen it elsewhere?
 
Congratulations Johnnyjet​


Finalists

@Glen @Cat's Cradle @reiver33 @chrispenycate @johnnyjet @Culhwch @Bowler1 @VinceK @Justin Swanton @Ihe @nixie @Perpetual Man @ratsy @Moonbat @David Evil Overlord @WordWarrior @DG Jones @Ursa major @The Judge @Mad Alice

Stealth Vote: @Elventine





My story:
Pagliacci%202014%20Postcard%20Front.jpg



Lucio Argento presenta: ORRORE DEI PAGLIACCI

"Lucio Argento" (combination of two directors - Lucio Fulci & Dario Argento)

(Italian) presenta = presents (English)

ORRORE DEI PAGLIACCI = Horror of the Clown


"Horror of the Clown", was a double-edged title.

The nameless actor was in horror of his audience, and the inhabitants of the planet were afraid of clowns (coulrophobic).
The Xenothulians enjoyed watching the clown suffer, because it made them happy to see what they feared, appear helpless.

***************************************************

PAGLIACCI

Famous Italian Opera, which premiered in Milan, Italy (1892) by Ruggero Leoncavallo

I am a fan of this classic Opera, and it was the first idea that came into my mind, before I ruined it.


***********

I would like to thank DROFLET, DG JONES and IHE for the fantastic votes.

I'd also like to thank all of the wonderful people who mentioned my shocking tale on their Lists.

***********

Plus Victoria Silverwolf did another marvelous job of reviewing our stories.​
 
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Phyrebrat said:
And I threw in the bit about the dad because (apparently) I have family issues* :D
pH
*for further details, see @DG Jones ;)
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I has no idea, Guv.

As for my own story, I was so frightened by the theme it was all I could do to stop a piece of Creole Dadaist Symphonica riffing on the Wizard of Oz from pouring out of me like a freight train, as the song says. As I was writing, I broke wind. It seemed oddly pertinent, so I tossed it into the mix.

A massive, automated railroaded thank you to Victoria for the suspiciously charitable review.

And super-powered, brainless, heartless, witless thanks laced with dashings of curtain-covered lunacy to @Starbeast for the mention: surely more than I deserve, but which at the last saved me from the dreaded 0-0 once again.

Me wish me 'ad BRAINS!
 
Thanks for the mentions / short lists to Droflet, Glen, Moonbat, TDZ, DG, CC and HazelRah. :)

And thanks to StlLearning for the theme and genre.
 
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