Suicide - Always read the first post please

[Anjana]

I'm bipolar, and before being diagnosed I have considered suicide several times. I only attempted it once, though, during chrismas last year. I tried to go to sleep in the attic on a very cold day and freeze to death. I tried it this way because I'm afraid of pain, though I found out that freezing is a very painful experience. I eventually gave up.

 

[Allanon]

i had to deal with a situation involving a near suicide a few weeks ago, i didnt like it.

my older sister split with her boyfriend of 9 years to be with someone else. they have two children together and he was really cut up about it. this guy is just my sisters ex, hes my best friend and was best man at my wedding.
i was on phone to him and he sounded distant, i was trying to help him through the break up. he just said i have to go and hung up. i tried to call back but he didnt answer, he had the kids that morning so i thought nothing of it. 10 minutes later i got a call from my sister saying to get to his house, hes taken something, i didnt even put shoes on i was out of the door with my dad and round there, we forced open the door and had to force open kitchen door where he'd locked himself away from the kids. he had his head on table and wouldnt talk to me.
my sis turned up and we managed to find out that he hadnt taken anything, he still had the pills in his hand, and a blade in his pocket. he couldnt bring himself to do it because he could hear his kids on the other side of the door and he couldnt put them through it. had those kids not been there i wouldnt have been in time. i watch him as closely as i can now and he seems alot better now tho.
the situation is different for everyone because of personal circumstances but i feel it is the wrong way out. not a cowards way, just not right, it causes pain on too many sides and for the person that dies, they miss the rest of their lives. kids freinds families. at the time it may not seem to matter but in retrospect, that is the only thing that can help.

 

[SciFi_Short_Story]

Life is sacred, and never let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

[PERCON]

I don't really understand why someone would want to kill themselves. It's something I've never understood and probably never will unless I experience something similar.

I was sitting alone a few days ago, peacefully thinking about life and everything and I realised how delicate life is, how special it is and how different everyone's life is from each other, yet so similar when broken down to the basics of life. Suicide is something I find difficult to understand and I don't have a problem not understanding it, I'd rather not know about something, than know about it and dred ever knowing about it in the first place.

Life is a delicate thing in so many ways whereas suicide is the wrecking ball controlled by the individual. There's always another option to suicide...


PERCON

 

[sanityassassin]

when i was younger i thought about it as i was very depressed but i knew it was a terrible as it hurts those who are close to you you may think its the easy way out but it is not think about your loved ones and the ammount of pain it will cause them there is even stories of parents killing the selves when there child commits suiside because they feel guilt or cannot live without the one they lost

 

[HieroGlyph]

Id almost forgotten why this was in the 'workshop'...
We're all such emotional creatures. Even if we pretend to flex our minds and imaginations here!

I reckon there are too many reasons as to why someone would want to take their own life. Too complex, too confusing, too emotional, too much of something: its excess. Extreme. At the end of some tether that a clear mind cannot simply accept or see or wish to see; for they would totter themselves, I fear. For a person to wish to shorten their own life... Well, its not really for anyone to gainsay them. Not in its purest sense to me. Ive read all the way here from the first post, so please dont jump me yet! Yes, loved ones will rebel and be taken to their own extremes in empathy and for or against their own wishes. The religious and pious will make all kinds of other claims about redemption, blame, crossing the sacrosanct and enacting the sacrilege (I can only speak for <insertreligion>, I guess, since Im submerged in their influence). There may be nothing 'right' about shortening your own life, if it makes no real difference to the world around you. Same goes if it causes more 'harm' than 'good'. Thats blunt and honest. Veritas odium parit. Life is sacred, but to me thats to that person as feels alive. As has been mentioned, someone who has lost all sense of feeling... theyre most likely at risk! Theyre the silent ones. They are the ones in some kind of shock. Without voice. Without knowledge of voice, even.

"Ive lived to regret a lot of things. Some my own doing. Most not. I regret attempting my own life. I regret all the anguish I put myself through for far far too long. I regret never finding any actual 'gods'. But I do not regret sticking to my Faithlessness. Its the only thing that has kept me alive. This one life is my one chance. And I do not regret keeping all my secrets about this from the family that I know feel for me. I guess Im one of the most unfortunate of folks. Like so-and-so, unlike so-and-the-other-so... Im akin to the artist; fly high and sink low, feel the extremes, think the extreme. But dont throw that life away..."

Food for thought.
Enjoy.
HG

 

[Auer]

Ok, a very delicate subject for me... I'll try to answer Princess Ivy's questions. Yes, a VERY close and dear one did it, and it hurt. It still hurts, after 8 years - every day. I worked for years to prevent this person from doing it, but I failed and I still remember the coroner's words when he said to me that "in a family this is a vicious cycle - and someone has to stop it - so don't you even think about doing it!"
This experience - finding the corpse etc. affected me with PTSD and a very self destructive deppression which lasted for about 4 years and ended up in almost the same result. Being so close to death made me realize the real worth of every single day and every single experience - good or bad.
Yes, suicide is a way out - but for those who are left behind, the loved ones, it can be a curse. I'm not judging anyone if someone decide's to do it, but I wouldn't. I wouldn't want anyone suffer as I do.

 

[HieroGlyph]

Well said, Auer.

If youre still around, Princess Ivy, no need for me to remind you youve had a couple of more additions to your initial 'query'. They are not answers to your questions of guinine or cop-out. They sure do re-affirm the 'difficulty' in this subject. Writing about emotions of any kind has to have its benefits...

 

[cornelius]

thought about it, but I don't want to think about it anymore. I know how, it's easy. My mother works in a hospital, she sometimes tells about people trying and failing. correct the errors. do the math.
But I think it is selfish. there are always people left behind ( unless in some very rare cases).
I admit having a hard time more than once. I admit having those pills look very tempting ( with my fathers illnesses, we had some very lethal stuff around). I was feeling way down before he died. imagine how I felt afterwards.
but suicide is not the way. Just try to make the best of it, instead of making it worse for others

 

[chrispenycate]

I can think of several reasons why I might choose to commit suicide (and I would succeed if I attempted it- I see no profit in the "call for attention" act) and none of them involve emotional states.
But I don't think many people would be inconvenienced by my disappearance. That's an objective estimation, and I'm certainly not intending to test it, none of the afformentioned reasons being probable in the immediate future.

 

[ScarletDew]

I just signed up here tonight after I came upon this link to this post. I am having a really hard time with eveything that is going on in my life and can't seem to get a grip on anything about me. A lot of times I have to do things for my boyfriend. So in return I hope that he treats me with the same respect. But I feel that he doesn't want to do anything cause he keeps making excuses after excuses to not help me with any aspect of my life. I'll post a few cause I wish I could write a whole book about it, but I'll try to keep it short. For example; (1) I need a back rub/neck rub after a long hard day at work and ask nicely even....my response back to me is "I'm too tired!" "I just did such and such a job how can you make me do that for you"? "I don't know how." (when I know he does, cause it's happened on occassions when HE wants something) (2) Can you help me take the garbage out/help around the house please?......I get back "I'll do it later" and later being a month later. (3) I want to talk about how I feel and what is going on in my head and why I am so stressed and frustrated and feel so neglected.....All I hear is some way where he turns me trying to talk about my problems, into blaming me for something he did wrong.

As I was reading, I was thinking about what MaryJane said:

Different people have different mental pain threshholds, the pain threshold for some is less or more then others, it varies in each indevidual but to each the pain they feel reaches an unbarible moment where all they see is dispair, pain and hoplessnes in their lives or just don't feel anything at all. The warning signs of depression in some is well hid or well downplayed. It doesn't show on the exterior.They don't think about it as being selfish they just think the world is better off without them, that they are a burden to family and friends so they suffer in silence and it's the silent sufferers that are the ones that slip though the cracks of our awareness that they were even in any kind of crissis to start with.

I have to hide almost every day about my pain and my feelings, while I run him all over the place to work on his computers. He doesn't have a car, doesn't have a job except freelance, and he expects everything to just fall in his lap when things are tight. Well things have been tight for years now, and he threw a huge battle axe at me about I should go to hell cause I don't know who he is and his religion. That was after I told him he doesn't seem to want to get to know me any better and that all he wants to think about is himself. I have been giving 500% of myself to him and his business and I feel he only gives about 2%.

He doesn't seem to understand my pain and suffering level to want to care what is going on. I feel he is pushing me further and further on edge and I am about to fall, cause I actually thought about sucide the other day. But I pushed myself not to think negatively and to cheer up, but all I feel like doing is crying. I feel like I haven't slept in years. I feel that my world is no longer my world and that he is the puppetmaster. I can no longer make decisions. I buy 97% of the groceries. But he pays for food too, only we go out to eat about 28 days out of the month!!! It's expensive for that kind of lifestyle I told him, and he disagrees with me. I think just cause he is eleven years older than me he has this thought in his head he is smarter than me and is the one in charge.

I admit that when he doesn't do what he says he is going to do, I yell at him and call him names and curse a lot. But if he would do the things he said he was going to do, I wouldn't have to curse, yell and scream. He still pulls the same trick out of his hat and I have had it. I don't get any support from him on what I want in life, and so I get the short end of the stick.

My stress level is past boiling point, and I have only maybe 2 people to turn to, and I just feel like I am a waste of their time cause I don't listen to them sometimes. They tell me to get rid of him, but I love him. At least I thought I loved him. I feel I have lost my love, and my heart and I'm just so empty and don't know what to do anymore.

I'm reaching out, but I don't know who to turn to since my significant other doesn't want to hear me. He calls me needy, and whiney. He perceives things differently from me, to an extreme!!

My life is a mess, I'm a mess, and I really don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Brian G Turner]

Unfortunately, some men are like that. Whatever your feelings for him, you need to communicate how bad you feel, and why. Communication is everything in relationships. When you can't communicate, there isn't much relationship there.

Everyone has their good and bad relationships in life - but moving on from one that feels bad doesn't mean you'll always be miserable. There can be brighter days ahead in life.

2c, and welcome to chronicles.

 

[ladyflorange]

Suicide is a genuine way out, at least it would be in my case or that of many of the people I know. In my experience, when things get too tough, it often seems like the only and best way out, however, it's also often simply a cry for help - although I have had several suicide attempts, a few times I didn't actually want to die, but just wanted someone to sit up and take notice of me, and to say 'oh look, she's upset, let's help her'. It's amazing how much of the time people who you think you are really close friends with don't even realise that you are having problems. Until I finally went to the doctors and was referred for counselling earlier this year, some of my closest friends and family didn't even realise that I was having problems. From the point of view of others, I know that it has been very hard for those close to me to deal with, although obviously they haven't had to deal with the actuality of suicide, and from my experience with friends it is incredibly hard to accept that someone you care about finds life impossible to cope with. Sometimes it can feel like a personal insult, especially when it's a partner - as if it's something that you are doing wrong which is making them want to die. From my experience, suicide is an incredibly real thing, and although in many cases it is a cry for help, I think that the attitude that some people have that this is always the case is a mistaken and potentially dangerous one. If someone is feeling suicidal, and you know about it, it's important to get them to do something. It's probable that without my partner's support and insistence that I get help, I wouldn't be posting this now.

 

[ladyflorange]

If your boyfriend is making you feel like this, then it's important that you discuss it with him. I know that sometimes it can be hard to talk about things, especially if you feel that it won't make a difference. I was in a relationship like that for a while, and much as I thought I couldn't cope by myself, I found out that the only way that I could get over the problems that I had was by being apart from him. Sometimes it takes a change to make you realise that life can be so much better. And what you have to think is that today might be bad, but tomorrow will be better, and you can make it better. Your boyfriend is taking you for granted and you deserve better than that. Everyone does. You can make your life whatever you want it to be, and you don't need him to do that.

 

[Sparrahawk]

I have read all the posts on this thread and it has stirred many emotions. I feel that i have to post a reply as much for my own beifit as for anyone elses. Please bare with me on this, its a difficult thing to put into words so may not read in a fluid order.

About a year ago my grandmother was diagnosed with althzeimers. Throughout her life she has been a fiercely independant person but this illness has forced her to rely on the help of, at first, her family and more recently on carers. When her illness had worsened to a point that we couldn't care for her on our own, the only option left to us was to put her in a care home. Occasionally, during her more 'lucid' moments, she is aware that she cant remember things and it upsets her greatly. Twice now she has attempted suicide. This obviously distressed all of the family but all of us feel great sympathy for the reasoning behind the attempts. For people like my grandmother, suicide is an escape.

Right, now i'm going to subject you to some musings about my personal situation. I'm not suicidal and have never attempted suicide but, during my lowest moments, the thought has jumped unbidden into my mind only to be just as quickly dismissed. Suicide, not surprisingly, tends to go hand in hand with depression. For the first time in my life i can openly and honestly say that i am suffering from depression. It is a powerful and deeply personal emotion/illness that, in my case, makes no real sense. I have led a good life, i have parents and a sister that love me and am blessed with many friends, but irrationally am often deeply depressed. I am a young(ish) man and am painfully shy, i have been single for a good few years and still live at home with my parents due to the rediculously escalating house prices and my crappy factory job. My friends are all in long term relationships, have good jobs and many have houses and whenever i go out with them i feel like the proverbial 'spare wheel'. Increasingly i feel more and more alone and isolated and as a result have started avoiding social gatherings, thus compounding the problem. There have been days when i haven't wanted to get out of bed and my motvation is non existent, my confidence is completely shot and i am starting to dislike myself. The worst thing of all is that i can't bring myself to tell anyone how i am feeling. Because my depression is such a deeply personal thing, the fear of it being dismissed by people as 'nonsense' or as simple whining is so great that the only option available to me is to keep it locked up inside and as a result i continue on my downward spiral.

This situation gives me an insight into how people can be driven to suicide. What to one person seems selfish or stupid may to another person seem like their only option. I can sit and read what i have just written, analyse it and come up with the conclusion that my depression is irrational, but when have feelings ever been rational?

So, in conclusion, my opinion is that suicide is an irrational but very tragic thing.

 

[weaveworld]

Hi All

How are you ALL doing?

I tried to commit suicide just over a year and half ago now, it was the worst and best thing I have ever done. I didn't realise how ill I was until I did it. I felt so low, I knew how many people I would be hurting if I had succeeded but I honestly thought I was helping them with me not being here.

I now know different!

I still have my bad days, I am a self harmer, that's the bad days, but there are more good days than bad days. I now know that I am not responsible for other peoples actions - just my own!

Remember there is always help out there, and I might not know it all but I always here.

Take care

 

[Presea]

ScarletDew ~ I am so tempted to suggest things like 'get rid of him' or 'he doesn't deserve you'; but I understand from my own experiences that those kind of comments are no comfort at all. Your situation sounds familiar to me; and I know that it is difficult for most to understand just how much of a grasp this kind of relationship has on your emotional state. Stress doesn't go away easily; and if there is just one thing from your loved one that hurts you- it causes a world of torment inside of you. Perhaps it is sorrow for the loss of love that you feel, knowing that you can't trust him to confide your feelings in for fear of being hurt - perhaps a mixture of many things; and they all drag you down, along with any confidence and sense of self-worth you had started with. And if something triggers this everyday.. well, anyone can imagine the outcome.

I wasn't a strong enough person to stay with the person I was with when I was having the similar experience. After two years I had gotten to a state of depression where I couldn't get out of bed in the mornings - I had no will, and no physical strength to start each day. It's truly amazing just how much power the mind has over the body in these circumstances.
It was only after I ended the relationship that I realised just how much damage was done. I could no longer interact with other people confidently; I had incredible trust issues, and had developed a slight fear of interacting with any male. With no-one to confide in, I was a nervous wreck - stress affected me wherever I went, and I suffered from panic attacks from some time.

It was during this time that I attempted suicide a few times myself. To be honest, there was no fear of death to begin with. Against my better judgement, I have come to believe in fate - and each time I tried to die, I knew in my heart that if I was meant to die, then I was going to die.. and if I wasn't, I wouldn't. There were times when I got frustrated, and wished that no-one would find me - I've tried in lots of places in the wilderness, lol - yet by some miracle I have always been found on the brink of death and woken up in a hospital bed. In the end I actually gave up trying.

I agree with what was said previously about different people having different thresholds for mental pain. But I also think it is for an emotional level too. Perhaps it's differences in personalities that make the concept of suicide not understandable for some, yet completely acceptable to others; perhaps it's just the different extents of which we are affected by emotional stresses.. who knows. Yes, it is a very personal thing.

I guess what I'm trying to say to ScarletDew is; you sound like you need a break from your emotions; but furthermore, you need to put them in a place where they will be treated with respect. Try to find someone or something to confide in day to day, or whenever you need to - just to keep you steady and upright.

 

[mosaix]

I hate being ill, especially if there's pain involved. I have a very boyant personality and I am very active normally so when I am ill I am very down.

If I was ill permanently and experiencing a lot of pain then suicide would be an option for me.

On the other hand my wife's brother killed himself on Christmas Eve about thirty years ago and I thought that was especially selfish as it wrecked his family's life for quite a few years.

Taking that into account I would, obviously, have to think about it very carefully.

 

[scalem X]

I never really considered it. As everyone I have felt bad at times, but not really totally down and in fact I had a pretty easy life. I've had most things that I wanted and in general could have been happy with my life if I died right now. Love (or the sudden lack of Love/affection) is the only thing that could get me that far I think.
Depression is probably indeed the state one usually finds himself in when one tries. When one feels he is eating a sandwich just so that he doesn't starve and sees this as a shore to stay alive, one might consider ending those shores. When one enjoys eating a sandwich because it tastes good, he'll try to stretch his sandwich eating time. Depressed people lack the strength to make themselves happy about things that happen in life. They see them too much as shores. In the mornings they must feel like they get up to work instead of getting up to enjoy life. I in general tend to enjoy life, though problems with my love can sometimes make me feel bad in a way that I can find pretty disturbing.

You have to make yourself happy with the things you've got. It doesn't really matter how much or how few you have, try to enjoy it. How to do it? I have no idea, that's why there is no real 100% effective cure for depression. I am relatively happy at the moment, there is really not much of a difference between you and me when you read this, we are both in front of a pc/mac while we write/read this (hopefully enjoying the reading instead of seeing it as a shore). Belgium has an unusually high rate of suicides. I think it has something to do with the unusual amount of light we have here at night and the effect it has on our mind. Somehow I seem to think that that's the reason. It can't be the wealth we have, since our country is pretty wealthy. We have more money and stuff than people in other countries, yet we somehow seem to be unhappy with what we've got.

Keep those rooms dark at night, I'd say .

 

[cornelius]

I never really considered it. As everyone I have felt bad at times, but not really totally down and in fact I had a pretty easy life. I've had most things that I wanted and in general could have been happy with my life if I died right now. Love (or the sudden lack of Love/affection) is the only thing that could get me that far I think.
Depression is probably indeed the state one usually finds himself in when one tries. When one feels he is eating a sandwich just so that he doesn't starve and sees this as a shore to stay alive, one might consider ending those shores. When one enjoys eating a sandwich because it tastes good, he'll try to stretch his sandwich eating time. Depressed people lack the strength to make themselves happy about things that happen in life. They see them too much as shores. In the mornings they must feel like they get up to work instead of getting up to enjoy life. I in general tend to enjoy life, though problems with my love can sometimes make me feel bad in a way that I can find pretty disturbing.

You have to make yourself happy with the things you've got. It doesn't really matter how much or how few you have, try to enjoy it. How to do it? I have no idea, that's why there is no real 100% effective cure for depression. I am relatively happy at the moment, there is really not much of a difference between you and me when you read this, we are both in front of a pc/mac while we write/read this (hopefully enjoying the reading instead of seeing it as a shore). Belgium has an unusually high rate of suicides. I think it has something to do with the unusual amount of light we have here at night and the effect it has on our mind. Somehow I seem to think that that's the reason. It can't be the wealth we have, since our country is pretty wealthy. We have more money and stuff than people in other countries, yet we somehow seem to be unhappy with what we've got.

Keep those rooms dark at night, I'd say .

darkness indeed can provide comfort, but get out into the light too once and a while. (quoting all of Scalems saying, because I agree most of it, though of course I'm open for discussions)

I myself considered it a minute of five, then I wrote a poem and realised that suicide was NOT the thing to do

" doubts arise
I came to see
the price to be paid
is not for me"

(the poem is on this forum)

if you opt agreeing in euthanasy as suicide for the patient, then there could be a situation in which suicide might provide a good solution, but I don't think this thread is about that, having read it through. depression are hard to tackle, and "happy people" might never understand why it is hard for a person to overcome one. some people are more resistant to certain things, but that is no reason to think people having depressions as weak. I do believe that this forum ( and the chats I have with forum members on MSN) can provide decent comfort when times get rough.Many a thanks.
but this forum is not the only thing - I'm lucky to be blessed with a good close family and friends- and they form the main theme in my happier thoughts. I like to concider certain forummembers as close friends too. I just try to keep busy, with writing, reading and chatting ( when schoolwork doesn't demand all my attention), and I think that a busy minde in that order can be good against depressions too. I'm not a 100% happy, but , as I tend to say many times, "I'll live". I'm a bit young to chat about all of life's experiences, I just try to be friendly and a good ear to all.