If Geppetto has a grandson, that means Pinnoccio had kids, no? The Blue Fairy does good work, but presumably falls under the same belief restrictions as Tinkerbell. Heisenburg rules, the very small, the observer affects special effects, and does pixie dust fall under the heading?
I suppose that, after the votes and recognition I got this time I have no excuse for asking for help, but I'm quite shameless
.
Verse has advantages for writing compact pieces: nobody cares about the grammar, there's no worry about leaving out a word or two the reader can interpolate. But you need to keep the rhythm structure, so adjusting lines is fraught with difficulties. When I had written my piece, it came to 137 words; clearly something had to go. The scene setting at the start was not critical, but the closing couplet I wanted. So, starting with:-
Sinuous neck, a cautious sniff,
It doesn't smell that edible.
Neath sulphured smoke, the slightest whiff
Of armoured knight; incredible.
A tiny nudge, its whistle screams,
A vapour cloud soon dissipates.
An ugly, noisy beast it seems;
Newness no longer fascinates
Perhaps like tortoise, on its back?
An oath from the interior.
Protruding tube, thwarted attack,
Erotic'ly inferior.
She rocks it gently, to and fro,
Inquisitive and curious.
Attention's spun, she turns to go.
The voice inside is furious.
Eminently unsatisfactory, and which fades out like a cheap pop song, and submitted that.
Has anyone an idea of a better way to shrink it? (but I clutch onto "attention spun" as a past participle of "attention span".)
Yes, hope, she's a kitten dragon; mayhap in a century or two, she'll mature, and shed her skin to reveal a sedate and sensible self, and the world wil be a little greyer. At least dragons don't cough up scaleballs.
I suppose that, after the votes and recognition I got this time I have no excuse for asking for help, but I'm quite shameless
.Verse has advantages for writing compact pieces: nobody cares about the grammar, there's no worry about leaving out a word or two the reader can interpolate. But you need to keep the rhythm structure, so adjusting lines is fraught with difficulties. When I had written my piece, it came to 137 words; clearly something had to go. The scene setting at the start was not critical, but the closing couplet I wanted. So, starting with:-
Dragontoy
She suns herself, o'erlooks the keep
In sensuous pleasure wallowing;
The new arrival, roused from sleep,
Her trail will soon be following.
It clanks, it groans, the funnel smokes
It crawls toward her, stumbling,
Discarding ash and burnt out cokes;
Leaves field and pasture crumbling.
Sinuous neck, a cautious sniff,
It doesn't smell that edible.
'Neath sulphured smoke, the slightest whiff
Of armoured knight; incredible
A tiny nudge, its whistle screams,
A vapour cloud soon dissipates.
An ugly, noisy beast it seems.
Newness no longer fascinates.
Perhaps like tortoise, on its back?
An oath from the interior;
Protruding tube, thwarted attack,
Erotic'ly inferior.
She rocks it gently, to and fro,
Inquisitive and curious.
Then, getting bored, she turns to go.
The voice inside is furious.
She flirts her tail, attention spun;
That clod had no idea of fun.
Finally I cut it down to:-She suns herself, o'erlooks the keep
In sensuous pleasure wallowing;
The new arrival, roused from sleep,
Her trail will soon be following.
It clanks, it groans, the funnel smokes
It crawls toward her, stumbling,
Discarding ash and burnt out cokes;
Leaves field and pasture crumbling.
Sinuous neck, a cautious sniff,
It doesn't smell that edible.
'Neath sulphured smoke, the slightest whiff
Of armoured knight; incredible
A tiny nudge, its whistle screams,
A vapour cloud soon dissipates.
An ugly, noisy beast it seems.
Newness no longer fascinates.
Perhaps like tortoise, on its back?
An oath from the interior;
Protruding tube, thwarted attack,
Erotic'ly inferior.
She rocks it gently, to and fro,
Inquisitive and curious.
Then, getting bored, she turns to go.
The voice inside is furious.
She flirts her tail, attention spun;
That clod had no idea of fun.
Sinuous neck, a cautious sniff,
It doesn't smell that edible.
Neath sulphured smoke, the slightest whiff
Of armoured knight; incredible.
A tiny nudge, its whistle screams,
A vapour cloud soon dissipates.
An ugly, noisy beast it seems;
Newness no longer fascinates
Perhaps like tortoise, on its back?
An oath from the interior.
Protruding tube, thwarted attack,
Erotic'ly inferior.
She rocks it gently, to and fro,
Inquisitive and curious.
Attention's spun, she turns to go.
The voice inside is furious.
Eminently unsatisfactory, and which fades out like a cheap pop song, and submitted that.
Has anyone an idea of a better way to shrink it? (but I clutch onto "attention spun" as a past participle of "attention span".)
Yes, hope, she's a kitten dragon; mayhap in a century or two, she'll mature, and shed her skin to reveal a sedate and sensible self, and the world wil be a little greyer. At least dragons don't cough up scaleballs.
