Mr. Orange --- That was far too subtle for me. I got none of that. I read it as a log of a captain who was overwhelmed by a force and lost the colonists. I had no idea what the deception was, my passing thought was that perhaps the captain did the colonists in, and left a misleading paper trail.
Improving our 75 Word Stories -- READ FIRST POST
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Victoria Silverwolf
Vegetarian Werewolf
I missed the connection between the names, and the fact that the scraps of paper could be read in another order (something like "going to let them have the pods" and "can't fight them".) So, too smart for me!
Victoria Silverwolf
Vegetarian Werewolf
Not exactly a request for improvement -- I'm pretty much satisfied with this piece -- as much as a question similar to that posed by Mr Orange.
My goal is to be neither transparent, nor opaque, but translucent. I hope that the reader will not say "That's obvious" or "I don't get it" but "Ah-ha!"
For this particular story, I received an encouraging number of mentions. I hope this means that several people grasped my meaning.
Only Parson noted the fact that the intended theme of this work depended on a specific historical context, which may be more familiar to an American.
My question: Is the reference which I made to a cultural phenomenon of the 20th century in the last sentence of my story (particularly one word) clear enough, too obvious, or puzzling?
My goal is to be neither transparent, nor opaque, but translucent. I hope that the reader will not say "That's obvious" or "I don't get it" but "Ah-ha!"
For this particular story, I received an encouraging number of mentions. I hope this means that several people grasped my meaning.
Only Parson noted the fact that the intended theme of this work depended on a specific historical context, which may be more familiar to an American.
My question: Is the reference which I made to a cultural phenomenon of the 20th century in the last sentence of my story (particularly one word) clear enough, too obvious, or puzzling?
It was clear to me, but I'm American.
Like alchemist I knew there was something there - related to the strange last sentence, but it eluded me.
Nope, I got nothing from it. I also didn't get Mr Orange's but I'm not a subtle reader.
@Mr Orange - like Jo I didn't get the subtle re-ordering thing or the names. Very impressed that @TheDustyZebra got the switch! However I did pick up instantly that it was the same ship that you had introduced the month before. So at least my memory seems to be working.
May I say how nice I find it that you folks are not familiar with the concept? 
Well, now, I didn't notice that part, so we're even.
I didn't really get it on first pass, but when I went back to reread everything, that little note at the bottom told me there was something mysterious going on, and I looked it over with that in mind.
So, um...can someone share with us.
Victoria Silverwolf
Vegetarian Werewolf
Thanks for the responses, folks.
It seems that my reference to "passing" would only to meaningful to an American of the middle of the 20th century.
Although the term can have other meanings (for example, a closeted gay person passing as straight) in the middle of the 20th century it would mostly be used to describe a light-skinned African-American passing as white. This was my intended meaning, and was meant to be an ironic contrast to my narrator passing as human.
It seems that my reference to "passing" would only to meaningful to an American of the middle of the 20th century.
Although the term can have other meanings (for example, a closeted gay person passing as straight) in the middle of the 20th century it would mostly be used to describe a light-skinned African-American passing as white. This was my intended meaning, and was meant to be an ironic contrast to my narrator passing as human.
Ah, I know the term passing for human etc but would not have picked it up in the context of a racial scenario. What we learn on the Chrons (and why writing a culture not your own is so darn hard....)
Mr Orange
Rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb...
Cheers for the replies everyone. I guess 75 words is too few to get that subtlety in. It was also a little hypocritical of me as I tend to read the 75 challenge in a rush so probably would have missed it as well!
Victoria, I missed the reference to race and read I just as passing for human. I thought it was a well writtten entry though and it probably would have made my shortlist if I had one.
Victoria, I missed the reference to race and read I just as passing for human. I thought it was a well writtten entry though and it probably would have made my shortlist if I had one.
I thought I knew what "passing" meant (and turned out to be right) but I'm not sure from where.
Mr Orange's I failed at completely. I'm not a very subtle reader either, especially when (and I hate saying this, but I thought it might be worth pointing out) I have 50 stories to read in a limited space of time. That's my fault for always leaving it till the last day, but there it is -- if a story is too obscure for most of it to be clear on the second reading, it's probably sunk as far as I'm concerned. Which, given some of mine, is dreadfully hypocritical. But then those tend to get low or no votes.
(I do also "read" the stories as they come in, to check word-count, but often this is done in a hurry too and mostly involves scanning for hyphenations and conjoined words etc.)
Mr Orange's I failed at completely. I'm not a very subtle reader either, especially when (and I hate saying this, but I thought it might be worth pointing out) I have 50 stories to read in a limited space of time. That's my fault for always leaving it till the last day, but there it is -- if a story is too obscure for most of it to be clear on the second reading, it's probably sunk as far as I'm concerned. Which, given some of mine, is dreadfully hypocritical. But then those tend to get low or no votes.
(I do also "read" the stories as they come in, to check word-count, but often this is done in a hurry too and mostly involves scanning for hyphenations and conjoined words etc.)
I knew what it meant, but possibly because I knew a little bit about Merle Oberon**.
** - I know that Merle was her real name (although her second, not her first), but for someone who
to use that as her professional first name was either an example of chutzpah or foolishness, given that a merle is an... er... blackbird....
hopewrites
Crochet Streamer
I'm curious to know how well (or not) my entry did.
I tried to hit as many of the points in the wiki brief of absurdist fiction as word count allowed, worried that my judge would be seen as a mushroom rather than a chocolate, and was inordinately proud of my sound effects. I wonder if the use of color was distracting. Any and all comments would be helpful to me, so thanks in advance.
A Path Diverged In The Old Forest
"The Kandykorn Council will now come to order, the Honorable Judge Truffle presiding."
"It's not like that I tell ya!"
"The Accused will remain silent,"
"For the crime of impersonating a caramel we sentence Onion to be burnt at the steak."
The vision ended, Onion decided to roll off the wagon.
--
Thun-kush.
Farmer Maggot steadied the basket of mushrooms as the wagon jostled and swayed its remorse for the murder it had done.
I tried to hit as many of the points in the wiki brief of absurdist fiction as word count allowed, worried that my judge would be seen as a mushroom rather than a chocolate, and was inordinately proud of my sound effects. I wonder if the use of color was distracting. Any and all comments would be helpful to me, so thanks in advance.
A Path Diverged In The Old Forest
"The Kandykorn Council will now come to order, the Honorable Judge Truffle presiding."
"It's not like that I tell ya!"
"The Accused will remain silent,"
"For the crime of impersonating a caramel we sentence Onion to be burnt at the steak."
The vision ended, Onion decided to roll off the wagon.
--
Thun-kush.
Farmer Maggot steadied the basket of mushrooms as the wagon jostled and swayed its remorse for the murder it had done.
I believe I did see the judge as a mushroom, yes. It made more sense with onions and steak, though not with the Kandykorn Council. And you should be proud of "thun-kush", which is a particularly gratifying sound effect.
For me, yes, the colour was distracting. I guessed you were using it to differentiate speakers, but as it wasn't needed -- what they said differentiated them enough to my mind -- it added an element of whimsy that I find hard to appreciate. I have the same problem with sound effects, unfortunately, since they are irredeemably comic to my mind, which is fine in a comic piece, but this wasn't comedic enough, if you see what I mean.
The truffle I thought of as a chocolate, going with the other sweets of the candy Council and the caramel impersonation. I would certainly never have thought of him as a mushroom, since though truffles are a type of fungus, they're decidedly not mushrooms.
The real problem for me, though, is that I couldn't work out what was going on, or make the link between the separate bits of the story -- what is the vision about, why does the onion fall off, why a hobbit and mushrooms, why does the wagon think it's committed murder etc. Even allowing for absurdity, for me it didn't make the kind of sense needed to be complete. Sorry.
The truffle I thought of as a chocolate, going with the other sweets of the candy Council and the caramel impersonation. I would certainly never have thought of him as a mushroom, since though truffles are a type of fungus, they're decidedly not mushrooms.
The real problem for me, though, is that I couldn't work out what was going on, or make the link between the separate bits of the story -- what is the vision about, why does the onion fall off, why a hobbit and mushrooms, why does the wagon think it's committed murder etc. Even allowing for absurdity, for me it didn't make the kind of sense needed to be complete. Sorry.
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