DISCUSSION -- April 2014 75+5 Word Writing Challenge

[chrispenycate]

chrispenycate -- paints with subtle use of sound to show us different levels of perception.

Did I really do that? I thought I was just trying to hold a somewhat annoying rhythm pattern together over seventy-five plus a few words.

But thank you very much for saying it, and adding mystique to my verse

Paranoid M. – nice to see you back. But two poems, one after the other?() All right, verse; diverse, and obverse.

 

[ratsy]

Thank you Victoria

 

[paranoid marvin]

Thanks for the review Victoria and thanks for the kind words Cat's Cradle. It's been a good few months since I last penned a poem, so I'm glad it pleased.

Thanks also Chrispenycate for the welcome back. It's good to be home.

And yes, two poems in a row; some incredible rhyming couplets in there, you should be really proud.

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

Mr Orange -- With imagination and good humor the author shows us the importance of professionalism.

 

[SirGeoffrey]

Thank you, Victoria, for your review. I'm sure one has to be careful to make sure that a review on this challenge isn't longer than the story itself.

 

[Starbeast]

As Sam so eloquently put it "Well, I'm back".

Great to see Starbeast has won the Challenge, well done dude!

I was expecting a theme of Star Trek in the style of Monty Python for this month's challenge, but it ended up far tougher (but just as enjoyable). And of course the one month we get extra words, my entry doesn't even need the usual 75 - ah well!

Some great entries so far, looking forward to reading and voting on the rest.

BIG WELCOME BACK to you Paranoid Marvin! The challenges just won't be the same without you.

Thanks for the congrats, I'm still glowing with "winner excitement".

I like your idea for the genre and theme, for a challenge. My mind was racing at the speed of light as I tried to come up with a theme & genre, I had to make a list (quick), I had tons of ideas. A friend of mind suggested "Apocaplyse & Joy". I almost went that route. Plus "Aliens from Space" was another big idea I had. But fortunately, I found an excellent midground I thought would be great for everybody (I hoped). And it worked out well.

And lastly, I wanted to challenge myself.

Starbeast -- uses rollicking rhymes to enchant a new myth into being.

Thank you for your review Victoria. It's nice to see you once again commenting on everyboby.

Encounters/Fantasy Steampunk
(part three)​

Chrispenycate - You've done it again resident pedantissimo, and created a fine story. This time with cogs, gears and a steamy encounter. My jaw literally dropped when I finished your spicy, poetic pulse-pounding dragon's tale. Well written and (blushingly) funny. Machine crafted excellence.

Paranoid Marvin - My high hopes for another of your witty and wonderfully poetic offerings was more than satisfying. AND, you injected (my favorite fantasy author) JRR Tolkien elements which delighted me immensely. Plus, you gave us readers a fun pun in the final line. Outstanding sir.

Mr Orange - Cracking good tale at 235 gigawatts. Thrilling adventure with a ship to ship battle highlights your amazing story that ended in tragedy, because of an undisciplined shipmate in the Ion Room. Intense, with a touch of dark comedy. Disastrously cool with great dialogue. "Lester!"

 

[BenSt]

Gah, I am so bad at keeping up with replies sometimes, and this thread moves so quickly! Here are some more of my reviews, I think this will be even better than last month!

[FONT=&quot]Starbeast: [/FONT][FONT=&quot]This was fun to read and with all the great visuals really popped out of the screen at me. Overall, a great piece Starbeast, I can tell how much effort went into this.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Aun Doorback[/FONT][FONT=&quot]: Very naughty piece, if my sick and twisted mind reads the last sentence correctly! Humourous, with a glint of danger mixed in. Was a good read![/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Glen[/FONT][FONT=&quot]: The visual of a steampunk Enterprise is enough to make me chuckle.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Holland[/FONT][FONT=&quot]: I’ll be honest, I’m not getting the fantasy in this steampunk piece. I find the idea of steam=powered space travel very interesting though.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Khayos: [/FONT][FONT=&quot]This is great, a real paradigm shift. A world where the natural is dangerous, and the mechanical safe. It reminded me some what of ‘the Village’...the encounter for me not being the girl and the firefly, but instead one world view and another.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Ratsy: [/FONT][FONT=&quot]First contact on another kind. What I like about this is that mermaids are presumed to be the creatures, but are they? Very clever working in this underwater encounter in the tradition of Jules Verne.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Mosaix: [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Mini vignettes intermixing domesticity with the sublime. I wonder if in this world there is a ‘morning after’ spell.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]SirGeoffrey[/FONT][FONT=&quot]: Playing like a television commercial, it drew me in wondering where I could get a steamreader![/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]AJB: [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Using flat-earth cosmology and classic cog-powered technology, this story begs us wonder why these individuals wanted to turn the world upside down, so to speak. I’m rather interested in their motivations and why this world is built in such a way. Definitly something that could be much longer! Well done.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]TacticalLoco:[/FONT][FONT=&quot] An interesting reworking of a an Age of Empire legend, one can only wonder what Dr. Livingston would be like in the world of steamships and airships.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Tywin:[/FONT][FONT=&quot] The makings of a fantasy soap opera is alluded to here, an individual caught in a loveless relationship finding romantic and sexual excitement in flings with a greasemonkey shop girl.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Johnnyjet:[/FONT][FONT=&quot] What a delicious reverse-gentrification scenario we have here. The beginning had a fairytale quality, we don’t know who the narrator is, and so the story is rather flexible and allows imagination to fill in the blanks. The irony of Druids taking over a steam-megalith is quite something. Well done.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Chrispenycate:[/FONT][FONT=&quot] A lovely play on words of a steam-dragon. I had to read it several times to fully draw out it’s meaning, which to me, is the hall mark of good poetry. Very intense visuals.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Paranoid Marvin:[/FONT][FONT=&quot] What a great, fun expose. Really, well thought and it gave me a chuckle... thankyou! Had me reminded of some Carry-On sketches.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]MrOrange:[/FONT][FONT=&quot] A spectacular moment is captured here, emphasizing conflict in a world of of elves and technology. A whole cast of characters are called on, and I got the image of a steampunk Star Trek for some reason.[/FONT]

 

[Tywin]

Thanks for the review, Ben.

 

[holland]

[font=&quot]holland[/font][font=&quot]: I’ll be honest, i’m not getting the fantasy in this steampunk piece. I find the idea of steam=powered space travel very interesting though.[/font]

Although I do feel that a story that needs additional explaining is not a very good story, I'll post the explanation since I'm not a very good writer anyway so my point might be lost It's inside invisitags so people can skip reading my explanation and stick with what they got from the story

Start of invisible text

I

Spoiler

n the story, life actually developed on planet we call Mars but they call their home planet Earth, while our Earth is Mars for them. I hope it can be considered at least science fantas

y.
End of invisible text

 

[BenSt]

Thanks for the review, Ben.

You're welcome, it gave me a great image such a domestic situation... reminds me a bit of my Aunt Helen and Uncle Ken (minus the airship) haha.

Although I do feel that a story that needs additional explaining is not a very good story, I'll post the explanation since I'm not a very good writer anyway so my point might be lost It's inside invisitags so people can skip reading my explanation and stick with what they got from the story

Naw no need to explain! Half the fun is writing and putting it out for the world to see. Welcome to the site and welcome to the writer's section!

 

[holland]

Naw no need to explain! Half the fun is writing and putting it out for the world to see. Welcome to the site and welcome to the writer's section!

Damn right, competitions like this are so much fun!

And thanks for the review, btw

 

[Starbeast]

Gah, I am so bad at keeping up with replies sometimes, and this thread moves so quickly! Here are some more of my reviews, I think this will be even better than last month!

[FONT=&quot]Starbeast: [/FONT][FONT=&quot]This was fun to read and with all the great visuals really popped out of the screen at me. Overall, a great piece Starbeast, I can tell how much effort went into this.[/FONT]

Thank you for the magnificent review BenSt. *tips top hat to you*

And don't worry about keeping up with reviewing, because there was a flood of immediate stories that came in early.

Also, you're doing a fine job of being a reviewer.

 

[BenSt]

Thank you for the magnificent review BenSt. *tips top hat to you*

And don't worry about keeping up with reviewing, because there was a flood of immediate stories that came in early.

Also, you're doing a fine job of being a reviewer.

Oh I don't mind doing a big review, makes me sit down for half an hour reading through, I'd much rather do it in one or a few posts.

No I mean I am terrible at replying to people in general, I get too exicted about the next post haha.

You're welcome and thankyou! It's quite fun, reading and rereading all the entries carefully.

 

[chrispenycate]

Chrispenycate - You've done it again resident pedantissimo, and created a fine story. This time with cogs, gears and a steamy encounter. My jaw literally dropped when I finished your spicy, poetic pulse-pounding dragon's tale. Well written and (blushingly) funny. Machine crafted excellence.

Did I forget cams and ratchets? I must have been running short of space.

I was already writing a steampunk story with dragon, for Gary. However, as that has gone over 8,000 words (and he's going to want me to cut it down to 3,000) it took me a little while to resize and versify. Then resize yet again.

Thank you for your commentary.

Chrispenycate: A lovely play on words of a steam-dragon. I had to read it several times to fully draw out it’s meaning, which to me, is the hall mark of good poetry. Very intense visuals.

That's the sneaky thing with poetry, innit? You don't just transfer information in the words, but in their proximity to others. When you do that in prose (even 75 words of it) readers complain about the added complexity

Many thanks for your commentary.

 

[Mr Orange]

thanks a lot victoria, starbeast and benst... as always you give my tales something extra by your reviews!

and steampunk Star Trek... i like that

 

[johnnyjet]

Thanks, BenSt, for the awesome review! And welcome to the small but illustrious group of challenge story reviewers. You absolutely fit right in. It's great to receive a variety of perspectives of your work.

 

[ratsy]

Thanks for the review BenSt

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

HareBrain -- With a wink and a nod to this month's challenge, the author offers us a tongue-in-cheek ballad of derring-do.

 

[Starbeast]

Did I forget cams and ratchets? I must have been running short of space.

I was already writing a steampunk story with dragon, for Gary. However, as that has gone over 8,000 words (and he's going to want me to cut it down to 3,000) it took me a little while to resize and versify. Then resize yet again.

Thank you for your commentary.

You're welcome Chrispenycate.

Yikes! You have to chop off 5000 words! That's really unfortunate, cause I'm sure your story would flow smoother and be much more fun to read with your descriptive woodage.

But, I do think it's very cool that you had a dragon/steampunk tale already.

thanks a lot victoria, starbeast and benst... as always you give my tales something extra by your reviews!

and steampunk Star Trek... i like that

You're welcome Mr Orange. Keep up the fine work.

Encounters/Fantasy Steampunk
(part four)​

HareBrain - Oh Yeah, another JRR Tolkien steam powered delight. Elf vs Dwarf in a war with each other that fizzles out between them. However, the author slams us readers with an iron clad ending which made me smile in the rythmic final paragragh. Marvelous Middle Earth mirth.

 

[HareBrain]

Thanks as always for your comments, Victoria and Starbeast. (And thanks to whoever decided on the extra five words -- I'd have been stuck without them!)