Three-Legged Improv

[Zach777]

Fin couldn't decide what he hated more, clothes shopping or grocery shopping. No matter where he went, he could never find the fascinating Sagas of Iceland he sought after.

We,, at least he found the old wacker plate his grandma pawned.

Ticks, India, Sonar

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

'So you see, you've only half of what it takes to keep the time'

'Thanks for the advice, but I always thought ye sonar usually only worked with gold'

'It's sunar, or suvarna kār, and you're half right, just like your clock with the missing tock'

Brick, Farrier, Manga

 

[Fiberglass Cyborg]

"Shoe harder, Hiro-kun!" squealed Tanuki-chan as Hiro started on the fourth and final hoof, neck and neck with the sinister Udon Minamoto. "If Udon wins the World Farriering Competition, civilisation will collapse!"

Just then, Tanuki spotted Soba, Udon's slimy sidekick, sneaking up behind Hiro's stallion with a couple of bricks....

Exorcist, microwave, space station.

 

[Christine Wheelwright]

"Shoe harder, Hiro-kun!" squealed Tanuki-chan as Hiro started on the fourth and final hoof, neck and neck with the sinister Udon Minamoto. "If Udon wins the World Farriering Competition, civilisation will collapse!"

Just then, Tanuki spotted Soba, Udon's slimy sidekick, sneaking up behind Hiro's stallion with a couple of bricks....

Exorcist, microwave, space station.

Father Tharg, Space Force Chief Exorcist (Andromeda Sector), walked into the sick bay and unpacked his things beside the restrained crew member.

"I understand the bible and cross, but why the microwave oven?" said Doctor McCrory.

"Well, Artemis 5 spirits - which I strongly suspect we have here - come out in solid form and taste just like chicken."


Umbrella, dot com entrepreneur, Norwegian crime series

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

Inspector Sorensen clutched his umbrella in hands made clumsy by thick leather, cursing the icy rain that made a mockery of the midnight sun, now only a pale gray ghost behind steel clouds. The body of Lars Thorvald, CEO of a software company so new that it didn't yet have a name, lay in the gutter at his feet, carved into half a dozen pieces, every trace of blood washed into the sewer by the damnable rain.

"The interesting thing," said Doctor Inge Nygard, the medical examiner who looked more like a punk rocker, "is that he died by drowning."

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Pillow, ornithologist, locked room mystery

 

[Fiberglass Cyborg]

"As I thought, this is not eiderdown," said Professor Featherstonhaugh as she dumped the gutted pillow back on the bed. "Knowing of Colonel Piccallili's lethal allergy to pigeons, someone in this house refilled his pillow with down collected from woodpigeon squabs. But who - " she froze, staring at Melchett the gamekeeper.

Flute, bricklayer, epic fantasy.

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

'I want the wall to be precisely high enough to stop Ovulon of the Long Neck from peering over and spotting the flute of immortality.'

'Ah come on, in this heat? it's just an ordinary flute -that whole immortality thing is only a metaphor the author made up.'

'So what?, you're a metaphor too ...and you have to do it anyway because it's the plot.'

Crutch, Oceanographer, Communist propaganda

 

[Christine Wheelwright]

Long John Silver leaned on his crutch and stared from the dock at the judge; that decadent symbol of the oppressive and corrupt western state.

"Aaaarrrrrggghhhh.......you see, M'Lud, I'm an innocent oceanographer not a pirate, and I was just checking out the island as a base for my study of the migratory behavior of bluefin tuna. The treasure chest and all those bodies just happened to already be there."

Performance-Enhancing Drugs, Horse Whisperer, Obituary

 

[THX1138]

Famous horse whisperer, Ricky O'Shea, passed away yesterday while counseling a breeding pair at the Lazy Hazy Ranch.

Ricky, who was famous for his knowledge of horse behavior, was also known to use experimental medications on his clients’ horses at times.

His death occurred shortly after injection the enhancing drug ‘Hunk a Hunk of Burning Love’ into the breeding stud, Crossed Eyed Willy.

Toy Lobster, Plumber, Mystery

 

[Provincial]

Mister E. Plumber produced the toy lobster with a flourish and waved it at the camera. “This is what was blocking the waste pipe, children! Always remember to throw your rubbish directly into the ocean!”

 

[Alex The G and T]

@Provincial Don't forget to post the next cues.

 

[Provincial]

A tin of black-eyed peas, a First Responder, an interview room at a police station.

(Sorry!)

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

'Relax Sergeant, nobody need know ya battered the suspect unconscious -I'll simply cure him with laughter, it's the best medicine', explained the paramedic.
Sgt. McGinley was not convinced, 'medicine is the best medicine ya twit, and why have ya got a tin of black eyed peas?'
'Because they can sing a tune, a tin of chick peas can only hummus one ...look Sarge, see, he's groaning already.'

Power hose, fiddler, true crime

 

[THX1138]

“So, it appears that someone power hosed a fiddler off the roof in an apparent vendetta.” CDI Dicky stated while studying the thoroughly washed body of the now fiddler on the ground.

DS Jonny came forward with a sporran in hand, “We found this out in the street in front of the house, Sir, it belongs to the local pipe club.”

“Do we know the whereabouts of the Pipe Major; I would like to question him.” CDI Dicky explained just as a water balloon hit the back of his head; followed by a slurry of colorful metaphors in a heave Scottish brogue from across the field.

Cold Medicine, Cheese Maker, Science Fiction

 

[Ulera]

The ship landed and the tall woman descended on to the icy surface. "Take this!" she screamed, throwing a glass bottle through the night sky.

What cold medicine is this? wondered the one they called the Cheese Maker, as he picked up the bottle and took a sip of the salty green liquid, before collapsing into a cloud of vaporous smoke.

Fountain pen, bus driver, historical fiction

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

‘You Samule Peyps, president of the Royal Society of London, stand accused of the manslaughter of eighty one of its citizens onboard the A38 night bus to Newham, how do you plead?’, inquired the Judge.

‘Not guilty, I simply gave up my seat in return for the use of this truly magic fountain pen -it can commit any colour imaginable to paper; such as red, brown, green, blue, yellow, pink, orange, purple, black, turquoise, magenta, silver …it can even write down words that refer to colours which don’t exist’, explained Mr. Pepys.

‘That may be so, but surely you understood it ill advised to give up your seat when you were the driver.’

Brush, Livestock auctioneer, Cyberpunk

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

The HyperGirlz Pozze wields their eye-linked smartstix like witches' wands across the nanosealed skins of the vat-grown MeatBeaztz, reading the interior mass for protein/vitamins/carbs/lipids and absence of terrorist-bred pathogens. The results burst across their retinae in tri-di neon letters the color of emeralds; green across the board. ZanFrancizco Jezzie, today's PozzeBozz, taps the side of her head and sends a opening price to the seller, thousands of klicks and an ocean away, hoping the BoyzZquad won't outbid her again this time; going full soy/veg is so twenty-first century.

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silverware, artist, social fiction

Social novel - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[THX1138]

"This pile of uncleaned silverware represents the ongoing oppression of the modern women's struggle, and their rights of freedom that is still deprived of them in this over technological society!"

"Man, this looks just like the dirty silverware your mom asked you to clean from last week's party, dude."

"Quiet dude; this is the garbage she thinks I cleaned for her, but for the price I'm getting for this pile of junk I'll get her a whole new set, and still be set for life, man!"

Toothpaste, scuba diver, horror

 

[Provincial]

‘Chemicals may behave differently under pressure’ it had said on the ingredients list for the new toothpaste. Gordon had plenty of time to reflect on that as he waited for the nitrogen pressure in his blood to drop to a safe level before continuing his swim to the surface. Too much time really, in which to revisit his choice between the bends and his dentition, while his teeth crumbled to dust around the mouthpiece of his aqualung.

a favourite party piece, a dancing bear, a tv police procedural.

 

[AnRoinnUltra]

'Welcome to the latest Saturday night television entertainment mashup', blared the futuristic holovistic comswanbongle umpitudinal viewing receptacle.

'Oh look Tom,', shouted Cathy from the 23rd century living room, 'it's your favourite two shows this week, the X factor and CSI Mullinavat. Come quick, they've got an ageing forensic detective locked in a cell with a grizzly bear ...and she's one hour to teach it how to breakdance.'

A 9v battery, a horse whisperer, DIY show