Stupid things that won't happen

[Weasel Soup]

"Nynaeve is dead. The braid puller who was sleeping at the Happy Port. She was really a deserter from the Wheel of Time. Someone slit her throat and pushed her into the canal, but they kept her tea and dresses."
"Good tea and Dresses are hard to find."
"Just so" she tried to keep her face still.
"Who could have done this thing I wonder?"
"Arya House of Stark"

 

[Werthead]

One for the Brits:

Arya sneaks into a crowded room and kills the Sealord of Braavos with a poison-spitting blowpipe. As she disappears out the window she is spotted by a maid, but quietens her with the legendary command,

"You ain't seen me, right?"

 

[Centurion]

Ned Stark becomes a male whore

Gregor teaching Sansa how to make friendship bracelets

Bronn joining the Salvation army

 

[Centurion]

double post

anyway

Catelyn breastfeeding Jon

 

[TomServo]

Catelyn breastfeeding Jon

I just got the most horrifying image of UnCat breastfeeding a grown-up Jon. Thanks for that.

 

[Faceless Woman]

On that note, Cersei falls for Gendry.

 

[stonStark]

Frays living happily ever after

 

[Faceless Woman]

Oh gods, don't say that or it'll happen!

 

[stonStark]

I don’t worry, wolfs are going to eat them one by one, and when that old Fray stays alone in that Twins dragons will came and fry him up! That is the reason way they are called FRaYs.


Unbelievable!!! I was just on GRRM website. God news-he posted new blog. Bad news- he isn’t writing DANC, he is doing everything else! And he is still redecorating!!! I want to see pictures when it’s done-after so much time it must be better then Versailles palace!!!

 

[Centurion]

i dunno Tom, the image is quite arousing

 

[Faceless Woman]

Eeewwww....

 

[Centurion]

ah what would you know, woman

 

[Fourth Hunter]

Jon will turn out to be Benjen's son by Lyanna! As a result of this children born of incest will rule Westeros. Jon (North), Myrcella (Dorne), Tommen (everything in between), and Dany (free cities, Dothraki Sea, etc.).

 

[Weasel Soup]

Crow's Eye falls in love with Brienne, and when she spurns him, he retires his ship and takes up Poetry in Oldtown.

(And on a poutier note: Dance hits bookstores by July)

 

[DeannaBelle]

Brienne learns how to warg and changes bodies with Cersei!

 

[Orion]

Samwell Tarly, while in Oldtown becoming a maester, instead befriends a merc barbarian who teaches him all he knows in the way of killing. The name "Sam the Slayer" is feared throughout all of Westeros.

 

[viZion]

Baby Aegon, thought to have been murdered as a baby, suddenly appears, rides a dragon and saves the world.

 

[Lubbock]

In a shocking development it is a revealed that all the members of the Stark family are in fact the Trag family, the Targs that died were just look-a-likes, so Targ family rises from the ashes and teaches all a lesson they wont soon forget.....And JOn was just the ******* og Ned and a tavern wench called Toothless Annie

 

[viZion]

Having just barely survived his hanging at the hands of Un-Cat, Podrick Payne is suddenly imbued with the memories of all of history's greatest military commanders. Though he has to wear a scarf around his neck for the rest of his life to hide the rope's scar, he becomes Dany's greatest general scoring decisive victories over both the Others and all the Usurpers. Oh yeah, he never loses a game of dice, either.

 

[Young stormlord]

Arianne Martel will be thrown out of the pallace by her father with only seven star book and game of ceevasse. She will travel along the seven kingdoms, teaching common people how to play ceevase. In wish for every man to have his own copy of a game, common people will rise, kill all noble and pillage them. When they finally suceed, Danny will come with her dragons. Recognising their wish, Danny will organise live tournaments, with humans and elephants as figurines. The winner (Myrcella) will become her next husband and they will go North, defeat Others than live happilly ever after.