Writing Challenge Discussion — MARCH 2011

[nixie]

We don't bite... well not very often

 

[TheDustyZebra]

Darn it! I know I've read J Riff's story, because I've read them all so far, but my memory is lousy and I can't recall which one it was.

 

[Lucky_Lola]

We don't bite... well not very often

Only if I ask nicely, right?

 

[Brev]

Hey all, is it me or are the entries coming in quick this month??

And some good work there, deep, deep stuff.
Obviously a good choice of topic Mosaix, you got us all thinking...

 

[GreenKidx]

(So, I think this is the right place for this post. However, If I am wrong then the Mods can feel more than free to move it.)

Hey Guys and Gals,

I was sitting around this morning waiting until a reasonable hour to begin my day, when I started thinking about a post from a little while back. Forgive me I'm not sure who posted it or eactly when. (I'm sure one of you wonderful people will fill in the gaps for me.) Anyway, the post was regarding writers who had a very hard time finiching their works, for whatever reason. One of these writers wrote an entire novel without using the letter "E". So... I set myself to the task of re-writing one of my challenge stories without using the letter "E". Take a look and let me know what you all think. I tried to tell the same story as much as possible...

The Piano-man's Wife(Original)

Sara started the projector. Then, she slipped into bed her parents' bed and wrapped an arm around her mother's delicate shoulders.

Her father's image appeared on the wall. His fingers danced over ebony and ivory keys. His lips moved as he sang silently.

Sara's mother leaned into her embrace , as her airy soprano rose to sing the song that he no longer could. Sara's alto joined it.

When they were finished; they held one another and cried.

A Piano-man's Lady

Sara starts an old clip rolling and quickly slips into Papa's 'Big Chair' with Mama. Sara wraps a strong arm around Mama's frail body.

Papa's skillful hands flit across black and ivory , tapping out a swift, playful song. Mama's Song.

Mama starts singing in an airy soprano. Sara joins in with a youthful alto. Two hurting souls mourning through song.

As Mama's Song draws to it's finish, Sara and Mama hug tight and cry.

 

[Perpetual Man]

Greenkidx thats a very hard task you set yourself, but your conversion is absolutely excellent.

You better be careful, you might trigger another challenge!!!

 

[Ursa major]

For what it's worth, I prefer the second version, and not because you've been very clever in avoiding the letter E (although you have been), but because it's a closer POV. Partly, I suspect, this is the result of adding (of having to add) more personal terms for the parents.

I hardly noticed that you'd changed the tense.

Best of all (), the reworked version has 75 words, while the "original" posted here has 78**.



** - In case anyone gets in a tizz, the version entered in last month's challenge only had 75 words.

 

[GreenKidx]

Hahaha... Would that really be so bad Perpetual? Id love to aee some other stories converted(I'd recommended past months to be safe!)!And thank you!

And yea Ursa, I like them each for different reasons. I definitely prefer "mama and papa" to "he and she", but the first read more smooth . I can also assure you the version I entered only had 75 words, I typed the one here from memory and didn't bother to verify. Haha. And thank you as well!

**I see you covered the part about the 75 words in the one entered.

 

[Ursa major]

I went and checked: not wanting to get you in trouble, I would have removed that comment if you had, inadvertently, transgressed (and so saving everyone concerned from any embarrassment; not that there was any, thankfully).

 

[onebigpotato]

Next month if I'm feeling a little anti-authoritarian, a 7.5 million word story might go down a treat? My challange, not to use the symbol @.

I remembered the reason I don't like entering the competition early. The waiting and anticipation drives me crazy (and I tend to do less work).

 

[Ursa major]

Why not enter some maps, onebigpotato, putting them together under the title, At-less.

 

[HoopyFrood]

Speaking of newcomers swooping in and putting others to shame, this Pyan person needs watching...

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

No maps allowed, unless the story itself is in the form of a map, like Mouse's mouse!

If people get maps, then some of us will be wanting footnotes (I know I sure will). Then appendices, illustrations, family trees ... who knows where it would end?

 

[Ursa major]

I'm not sure about the great story part of your requirement, but I can't see how making a story look like a map is much harder than making one look like a snake that has eaten a grey mouse. (Though obviously somewhat time-consuming, producing that image wasn't at all difficult.)


http://www.sffchronicles.co.uk/forum/1418082-post1213.html

 

[Allanon]

my story's in, I wanted to make it better but i couldn't find a way to do it. I'm sure you'll all be able to give me some good pointers though. For me the votes dont matter, I love having the helpful advice and encouragement for trying from all of you that is the prize!

 

[StormFeather]

As usual, there have been some great stories, and some stunning stories this month already.

I'm not going to mention any at the moment, as am in the process of doing a Perp-Man-like review of each (which I may or may not publish - am only 3 stories in so it really depends on me actually finding time to do it).

But, I did have my Dad staying on Sunday, and I got him to read various bits from this challenge, including the tie-break from last month. He wanted me to pass on his congratulations to Mosaix and Teresa as he was very impressed with your stories (he liked mine too, but that's just fatherly love!)

 

[onebigpotato]

Uhhhhh, we're allowed to say genitals!?!?!?!

Why didn't anyone tell me? So many stories wasted...

 

[TheDustyZebra]

I think Mouse keeps that to herself.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

Uhhhhh, we're allowed to say ...?!?!?!

Why didn't anyone tell me?

Not a forbidden word, but these are supposed to be family-friendly forums, so the less said about ... reproductive organs ... the less you will see moderators wrinkling our brows and cudgeling our tired brains trying to figure out whether someone has stepped over the line or not.

Goodness, I am really, really having a difficult time phrasing this post without saying anything that someone like Ursa could turn into a pun that would itself cause a little moderatorial consternation. The English language has so many traps for the unwary!

So, um ... we do allow some artistic freedom when it comes to the fiction here and in the Critiques forum. But in terms of graphic violence and anatomical detail, I think there was almost too much information in that story.

As a general rule, I think it is safe to say that one castration story per month is more than sufficient.

 

[onebigpotato]

the less you will see moderators wrinkling our brows and cudgeling our tired brains

My I be the first to say, to all moderators. If any of you get tired cudgeling your brain, I would be only to happy to step in and take over. Can bring own cudgel.